what does this mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
what does this mean?
5
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 1:12am
my husband and i are both 22. we've been married almost 2 years. we were both virgins before our wedding night. at first, we had sex a couple times a week. i almost always initiated it. now, we might only have sex once in a two week time period. i initiate it. we don't have a lot of time together, but when we do, he's just not interested. i can't help but feel like there has to be something wrong - whether it's a problem with our relationship or a medical problem. he claims to just have a low sex drive, but he does make sexual comments about other women. he'll interupt me while i'm cooking to grab my boobs and give me a kiss, but if i do anything to make it progress from there, he just pushes me away. he doesn't have ed...when i touch him, everything works like it should - he just pushes me away. when we are together, it only lasts a few minutes. i think because he isn't interested in foreplay and also because of the infrequency of our encounters. i do love my husband, but i already feel like i'm going to loose my mind because of this - i don't want to spend the rest of my life like this. i need sexual intimacy, and i need to feel desired. i've tried to explain this to him, but he just gets mad. i don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 11:46am

I can only give my 2 cents as it relates to me but here is my thoughts...


If you guys were virgins because you *waited* it can be hard to turn off the switch that you create to make yourself to wait.

-Pam

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 11:55am

well I think you need to sit down and talk to your DH ask him whats going on in his head. And don't take "low sex drive"...come on he is 22yrs old!! if the like that at 22 what will he be like at 44??? talk to him, tell him how your feeling and that you want to be with him more.


maybe theres something going on at work or school or both. Maybe its like Pam said...he's having a hard time turning off the 'bad' and needs to let go.


Both My DH and I were virgins when we got married 25yrs ago! We were like rabbits! LOL! but Each person is soo different and not every couple has the same amount of sex a week as another. Each couple has a "amount" they would like to have.


Idea....so sit with DH tell him you want to make love 3 times a week and one time he has to start it and one time you'll start it and one time is up for graps. something like that! Make him have so say in it as well.


The biggest thing is to talk and be open about your feelings. Because if you can talk now at 22 where will you be at 44....


edit to add....I forgot to say this...I had a hard time talking to DH face to face soo what we did was at night with the lights out we talked alot! that way he wouldn't see me turn red! LOL! Now 25yrs later we laugh about out "night" talks!! LOL! it could help!! LOL!


wish you luck! please come back and let us know how your doing!! give us a update!!



memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 6:56pm

There could be a lot of things going on, so the two of you have to sit down and talk about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 7:08pm

Hi GC,

I recommend reading first John Gray's "Men are from Mars and WOmen are from Venus" and then read "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom". They are sort of stereotyped, but you will definitely find some good things in there that can really help with communication and help each of you understand each other.

There is a natural ebb and flow to all relationship and this phase will pass.

Something to remember is that most of us assume that others feel exactly the way that we do. That's why during sex (or at other times) we do the things to our partners that we like to have done...however, that may not be what the other needs to get aroused. You mentioned that he wasn't into foreplay. Most guys have to learn about foreplay because we don't typically need much to get our engines running. When you make love to a man, he wants you to grab his penis pretty quickly. However, women are different...you need to use sort of a "conch shell" approach. In other words, you work your way slowly from the outside in, in unpredictable spirals. Women use their whole bodies to make love, and men use their genitals. Guys can learn, but it takes time.

Good luck.
Scott.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 11:00pm

I agree with Tish. Sex doesn't just start in the bedroom. It starts with many kisses, hugs, sweet words, and touches whenever you two are alone together.

Your husband seems to need education on the needs of women. You say that he doesn't enjoy foreplay, but foreplay can be really enjoyable for both partners and is essential for the woman to become properly arrouse and lubricated.

You two need to have some serious talks to get your husband loosened up to really get full enjoyment out of the sexual experiences. He seems to be regarding sex as just another "chore" that he is expected to do (like putting out the garbage). If this situation continues, you are going to be frustrated and feel unloved. He has to be aware of these possible consequences of his actions.