Who initiates sex more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2012
Who initiates sex more?
8
Mon, 08-05-2013 - 5:10pm

also, would you ever turn down your wife if she indicated she was in the mood?  My husband complained that I don't initiate sex enough, but I don't think he's always gets my signals.  Is it enough to wear sexy clothes, panites, be more playful and physical, or do I need to just come right out and say I want to have sex?  What do you like for you wife to do to let you know she's interested?  I hate coming right out and saying something,  especially if he's stressing about work or in a bad mood.  I don't want to be turned down. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-1998
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 8:29am

Most guys don't detect subtle signals.

I would love if my wife initiated.  She never does.  I always see that she enjoys herself (Toys are wonderful).

"What do you like for you wife to do to let you know she's interested?"  In my fantasy world, how about dropping to her knees and undoing my zipper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 11:22am

Stupid Roman Catholicism got me both times I've had a partner.

For the first wife, I was labeled 'oversexed' because I wanted any non-missionary relations (oral?? He77 no!). Female Catholic marriage counselor told her otherwise, but upbringing didn't let her get loose.

Second wife talked a good talk during courtship (first wife passed away), said many things that led me to believe she was a thousand times more open than the first wife. Alas, it is still a 'Fantasy' that she will ever initiate anything sexual. She now tells me it is a mans place to initiate intimacy (wrong), she tells me she has no sexual fantasies. She was open to buying a toy, told me she wanted to help pick it out (REALLY?!? I could hardly stop myself), but then refused to get involved when I initiated the research a few days later. I picked out the toy, deliberately went too plain so as to leave her some reason to get a better toy, but as of now, no intimacy for almost 10 months. For me, there are no 'signals'. She never comes to me and poses for a kiss (I have to initiate that, too), never is available when I get through this impossible list 'prohibited' days:

  1. There is another person in the house, I'm too self conscious.
  2. I'm not clean, I don't want to wash up, so not interested.
  3. My back/neck/arm/whatever has been hurting me, don't you remember I told you about it last week? I would be in too much pain.
  4. I want to watch the 11 o'clock news (every night) it will (always) be too late.

It isn't as if she doesn't get off, she has had orgasm EVERY time, but I missed one. It isn't as if she had weak climaxes, her world is rocked every time.

I think the 'subtle' clue is being told 'no' by any means, then I am expected to flat out disregard the prohibitions once in a while: You didn't wash? Be right back with a wash cloth, I'll wash us up. (has not happened so far, 3 tries). You are too tired? Ok, I'll just do us both.... (A little sleepy sex would be cool.. wake up as your body goes into climax mode.... hmmm).

So, in my experience, nothing happens until I initiate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2013
Tue, 08-06-2013 - 9:40pm

I'd say we're pretty even. Neither of us is very subtle. Why be? There are certainly times one or the other won't be in the mood and will 'reject' the advance, but it's not rejection so much as postponement. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Mon, 08-19-2013 - 3:19pm

My Roman Catholic wife initiate sex quite often.  She willing accepts oral and give some to me.  She dealt the breast cancer about a year (it was a slow growing, small tumor, detected early, with a good prognosis) and the cancer drugs that she is on, seem to have upped her sex drive. 

Alot about sex is communication and understand.  I understand what my wife will and will not do, and I can't change that.  But she does enjoy our sexual activities and she is willing to do almost anything that I want.  We do use some toys in foreplay, and I enjoy seeing her in sexy lingerie and other clothing.  We have let our sexual activities leave the bedroom when possible and she has become much more open about things.

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 1:10pm

I usually initiate, and my hubby rarely turns me down.  For us, initiation can be something as simple as a hug and kiss when he gets home from work, or me greeting him naked or dressed up.  Even snuggling up to him in bed and stroking his back and shoulders turns him on.  He likes when i sext him during the day, with an idea for that night, or suggest something we haven't tried.  We also enjoy watching porn together.  

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 1:14pm

I usually initiate, and my hubby rarely turns me down.  For us, initiation can be something as simple as a hug and kiss when he gets home from work, or me greeting him naked or dressed up.  Even snuggling up to him in bed and stroking his back and shoulders turns him on.  He likes when i sext him during the day, with an idea for that night, or suggest something we haven't tried.  We also enjoy watching porn together.  

Avatar for slah54
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2012
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 1:18pm

Sorry about the double post.  I got impatient.Embarassed

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2013
Sun, 12-22-2013 - 2:38am
Well in case of females, men love it if instead of blurting out straight away, some cute and sexy signals are given out. There is nothing more tempting for a man than a woman dressing up sexily and acting naughty.