xrated dvd's and my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
xrated dvd's and my husband
22
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 2:05pm
i am just wondering.... do all men stash porn dvd's and do this or do i just have a guy that is a perv? we have a great sex life about 2-3 times a week sometimes even more. i jut don't understand what the need for porn is. is it me? i think i'm pretty attractive... so whats the deal? how come he can't just wait for me to come home and take care of me instead of getting off at some whore ont he screen. he doesn't do it often, maybe about 1 a month or less. but when he does, it bothers me. i know it b/c i stack them neatly and i know when they have been moved... someone please answer.......

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 2:30pm

No your DH isn't the only one....there are millions out there (has to be or

memeblue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 3:52pm

Not all men stash porn, some do, some don't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 12:50am
Hi I'm new to this board and I have a question about porn movies,I married a guy who is alot older than me and we hardly have sex maybe once a week. But at first I thought oh maybe when they get older their sex drive gets less or somethng but when that one special night comes around he always has to be looking at porn movies or on computer with porn pics. while we do our thing. At first it was ok,but now I feel as though he's not into ME just looking at these sexy women I guess that is what he needs to make it exciting? But I would consider myself as attractive and nicelooking girl,I put on a few pounds,but I will lose the chubby look. When we first met I was the thinest I ever was in my life I looked great! But now he's making me feel like a big fat slob! He's very athletic looking and has a great body,very handsome and I guess he likes his women slender,but still if you love someone I think you should make love with out a movie! sorry to ramble on what would you do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 9:00am

Have you talked to him about it, let him know your feeling?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2005
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 12:20pm
Hi,thanks for your reply,I guess I can try to talk to him about the movies. My husband is like 56 and I'm 36 there is a real big age gap but he's a young 56 you would never think he was as old as he is by looking at him. I think he is bothered by the weight i put on over the past yr. But it was out of deprestion i guess. He is italian and i think italian men are more controling than other men. maybe it's his way of telling me to lose weight! He's very much into looking good,but still if he loves me he would just except me chubby and all!! Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 1:02pm

You can't *guess* you can talk to him, you have to talk to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 7:03pm
honey i totally agree with you. the fact that he HAS to look at porn while you two are making love would piss me off beyond belief. i would sit down and talk t him.. same thing happened to me. since our wedding this summer i have gained 10 lbs. its not intentional but there has been a lot of stress in my life. the point is... he should be loving you no matter how many chubs or rolls you have. i totally feel the same way as you do, like when we make love and we are in the side position.. i have top have the sheet over my stomach so that he won't see my pudge... point is.. you need to talk to him. communication is key. yesterday i posted that message about porn on this website, when my husband came home we had a good long talk....and even though it hasn't changed my mind about the way i feel about porn but in a way it made me understand that it has nothing to do with me and its a quick release. anyhow hon.. i don't know if this helped but i really hope it did. let me knwo what happens!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 10:31pm

>>I guess I can try to talk to him about the movies.<<

I think that you should because it involves you directly. I can see how someone might let it slide and not talk to him if he was using these movies on his own, but he's using them while he's having sex with you. You have as much right to know why and to have a say in it as he does.

56yo and once a week? I don't know if that is a good frequency or bad frequency at that age but that may be his natural frequency at that age. It's possible that the porn has nothing to do with it and it's possible that your weight has nothing to do with it. However, as said, you really need to find out from him. No point guessing about this stuff.

Yes, weight gain can make men be less interested in you. But a small weight gain generally isn't a problem for most men. Once again, you need to talk to him about this. You never know, it may have nothing to do with you and he has some minor medical issue!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 10:46am

Just to chime in here - I agree with Tish - you gotta be open and honest, and you HAVE to talk. And remember, talking is different than arguing. Anytime you would come to you husband and say that you found some porn he was hiding, well, he is gonna get defensive. Let him know how you feel, but more that you want to know if there is anything that you aren't doing that he'd like, or something like that.


Me, personally, I DO use porn to masturbate, never have I used it as a substitute for sex with my wife. Sometimes guys just need a quick release, and don't want to "use" their spouses just get themselves off.


Yes, there are times when they are fascinated with what is on the screen, and it does become some sort of addiction, but for the most part, it's like I said, just a quick release and we move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 12:36pm

I have a really good marriage and pretty active sex life (2-3 times/week after 11 years) and I still like to peruse porn for my 'solo' activities, which is usually daily. It has nothing to do with how my DW looks, feels etc. it's just what I do. Yes, I'm a perv. She knows it, she's cool with it and my over-active libido is happy.

I guess what I'm saying, is his reasons for looking may not be a reflection on you at all.

 

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