Couples counselling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Couples counselling?
11
Mon, 05-22-2006 - 6:46pm

Many of us have had huge dramatic changes in our marriages and long distance relationships. Have you and your spouse/SO gone to couples counselling? Did you experience a big change in your relationship somewhere along the road?

I was re-reading some of Tampa-man's posts, and I have read here and on other boards, stories of how one spouse was very low libido and the other was normal or high libido. Many couples seem to have just outgrown the imbalance; other couples had major turmoil with or without counselling, and things improved... issues were overcome, and the couple began a much healthier sexual relationship. Some couples seem to be very out of sync, with one spouse perusing naughty iVillage boards while the problems seem to remain unchanged at home.

I'm curious- of the people here in long-term relationships, have you always been in sync with one another? Are you in sync now, but you didn't used to be? Did you need counselling? What changed to make you be in sync? Are you not in sync now? Are you considering counselling? Why or why not?

Given that our common bond here is Taboos, I wonder what people's experiences are....


"In Civilization and Its Discontents, Freud argued that civilization is founded on the repression of instincts. It now seems clear that one of those instincts leads us away from monogamy. Whether we choose to follow, on the other hand, is up to us."
-Dr. David P. Barash and Dr. Judith Eve Lipton,
"The Myth of Monogamy"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 12:19pm

There *are* counsellors out there that are swing and poly and other-kink friendly. They're not as easy to find, but they're out there, and web searches can help couples find the ones that are in business in their area.

One person's dream counsellor can be another person's nightmare counsellor. Counsellors are people too. You may REALLY not get along with one- just because you're very different people, not because they're incompetent. There *are* incompetent ones out there, and there are very good counsellors out there that are just very different from who *you* are, so they may not be a good match for you.

Of course, when you get into the kink-friendly marriage counsellors who are both competent and a good match for the kind of person you are, then you're dealing with a small number... but they do exist, and a few bad apples and bad matches do not mean that counselling is inherently bad.


"In Civilization and Its Discontents, Freud argued that civilization is founded on the repression of instincts. It now seems clear that one of those instincts leads us away from monogamy. Whether we choose to follow, on the other hand, is up to us."
-Dr. David P. Barash and Dr. Judith Eve Lipton,
"The Myth of Monogamy"

Pages