Do you really??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Do you really??????
17
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 12:59pm

There is always a lot of talk on this board about cyber sex. What I'd like to know is if people who say they have cyber sex really do? I tend to think of cyber sex as a mainly male idea to "get off". Most women that I know tend to look at cyber sex as nasty and would never do it. How many (definatly curious about women) who say they have cyber sex honestly do? Or are you just typing that you do and don't? How into it do you get? Do you get completely naked? Use toys?

I'm really curious about the people that do this so...if you reply could you please state your age/sex/and relationship status.

Thanks

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:01pm

To quickly answer my own question...

I am Male/35 and married.

I have on occasion had cyber sex. I ALWAYS do what I say I am doing when having cyber (else what's the point). If I say I'm naked...I'm naked! If I say I'm doing something...than I am.

But of course, I'm male, so do I fit the typical male cyberer???

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:17pm

Interesting questions....

I'm female... 27... married.

I've been cybering for about a year or so. I have a few regular partners... one favorite. If none of them are online I'll go to an erotic chat site and find someone if I'm really horny.

I always do what I say I'm doing... what's the point in lying? If I'm cybering with someone I'm really horny and really want to orgasm, so I'm going to take care of it ;) Sometimes there's just no one interesting to be found.. if that's the case I'll read a story online and masturbate. I'm usually dressed... very seldom do I undress, unless he requests it or I'm playing in front of the webcam. I am usually wearing something that's easy for me to slide my hand into, though ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:27pm

I don't cyber *right now*, but I was the cyber sex queen not too terribly long ago. It was a new experience for me and so it was exciting. I tried to do it again not too long ago and I just could NOT get into it. It was so dang boring, so it is *definitely* not for me anymore.

Anyway, my answer is going to be kinda complicated because I usually wouldn't just cyber with anyone. I would normally only cyber with people that I had known (and by known I mean just chatted with them about things other than sex) and more times than not it would lead into cyber sex. Out of the people that I cybered with, I would say that about 80% of the time I was really masturbating. Most times, no one ever asked me if I was so I never had to tell them the truth if I wasn't. Now, on the rare occasions that I cybered with someone that I didn't know, I can practically gaurantee that I wasn't masturbating. I'm sure that I lied to some and told them I was when they DID ask, but I primarily was never asked.

Oh and by the way, I am 37/female/happily married

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:34pm
My cyber life seems to follow my real life in the fact that I seem to have to really know and care for the person first before I let them into my sexuality. I would characterize it as a relationship "with the best of benefits" and I have found myself to be pretty monogomous in this area. Its not terribly active, just special. As in real life, I am not really into 'random'. I think my cyber lover also needs to get used to the fact that I like to be more of the giver. Sometimes my situation does not allow for my own pleasure, and that is just fine by me. I just love getting creative or letting some of my fantasies 'come to life' in a sense.
This all can have it's pitfalls in that things can get 'deep'. And though I have not really minded it, sometimes I wonder if there is an element of it 'just being sex' that I am missing. Well, I am not striving to find that out right now, since I take it very very personally if I ever hurt someone. That is the last thing ever on my mind.
I find it best when a fantasy situation can be built rather than just "I am doing this and that". Isn't that what it really is anyway? Sharing fantasy lives in a psuedo fantasy situation with another?



Edited 7/5/2006 1:44 pm ET by talbed
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:41pm
Ok I am 30/f/happily married and I do not cyber DH and I agree that we think that it is considered cheating. I did cyber sort of (using web cam while on the phone)with DH we were seperated for 6 weeks after we moved I was in IA looking for a job and he was NJ working. Sorry I can't be more help
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:41pm
I totally agree with you talbed.
I had done this a few times in my life and enjoyed it immensely. One girl was on a dating site and we actually did meet and have sex.
The other was more recently and really just for fun, however I guess I ended up hurting the other party as they became emotionally involved in a short time.
Since then, I will not cyber. I never intended to hurt anyone, and thought that was a mutual understanding among cyberers. I certainly don't want to hurt anyone again so I will refrain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 1:54pm
Sometimes it is easy to hurt someone unintentionally while cybering. You never know how emotionally involved someone is going to get. I'm sorry that happened to you. It's easy to get emotionally attached when you're dealing with fantasy. I've done it before, but we slowed things way down and have managed to have a decent cybering relationship for about 8 months now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 2:03pm
That's good. I'm glad for you. Thing is I have a GF and the other party is married. All that was known in the beginning. And in just a short day or two....
I could not keep up due to work load and she got mad at me...acted like I used her.
She is on the other side of the world from me...I just didn't get it. I thought it was fun. Oh well, live and learn. Just don't want to hurt anyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 2:04pm

Yes I really have cybered. I'm 40, female, married.

I have gotten emotionally attatched and got very hurt but, not gonna go there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-05-2006 - 2:12pm
Sounds like a bad situation for you. I usually only cyber with married men. I prefer happily married men, if we're going to be completely honest. Because I can easily compartmentalize it better. If I know going into it that he is happy and all we have is fantasy then I never let myself dream of more like meeting in person. It doesn't always work out that way... you can't pick and choose who you click with. I also don't expect much, in terms of time and attention from the men I cyber with. I take what I get and am happy with it. If it ceases to satisfy me then I disappear from their cyber lives.

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