Don't know if you guys can help me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Don't know if you guys can help me.
18
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 9:44am
Okay so my BF has given me permission previously, say three months ago or so, to be with a woman while we were together. He said he wanted me to expirement and said he would totally okay with it. Well Saturday night it happened, it wasn't planned, just my best friend and I had been drinking a little and things happened. So I told my BF as soon as I had the chance, and he said he was a little confused or whatever but that he was okay. He did not consider it cheating, and told me not to let him stop it from happening again. Said he was glad I had the chance to explore. Then today he tells me that I cheated on him and it was a horrible thing to do and I was a horrible person for doing it. And for waiting three days to tell him. Well he works nights, and I was unable to reach him until three days later, and I told him the minute I could. Did I screw up by thinking that since he'd said it was okay, it was actually okay? Am I wrong in thinking that he is over reacting a little bit. He told me before that it wouldn't be cheating unless I was with another man, which I have no desire to do. So I am confused as to why he is so pissed at me. If he doesn't consider it cheating, then why did he tell me I cheated on him? I have apologized repeatedly that I didn't have the chance to stop and call him and ask his permission first, but he says that is just arguing symantics and he didn't want to do that.
We have been together a year and a half, and I don't want to mess it up, but I am so confused by his reaction. Any ideas?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 12:12pm
Yes just now. He said he could not trust me anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 12:16pm
He said that even though he said it was fine the day I told him, the longer it sank in, the more he realized that he couldn't trust me anymore. And Ihad asked him not to tell anyone, because my best friend knows these people too and I don't want her relationships with them affected. He said he wouldn't but today he tells me they have a right to know. And I said I didn't think it was fair for him to tell everyone I was a heartless bithc who cheated on him. And he said "well what would you call it" Then he got mad because I said I didn't really feel like it was cheating since he had given permission. So he will probably tell all of his friends that I cheated on him and that I am terrible. He did say he wouldn't tell them who I was with, but they aren't stupid, they'll figure it out, which pisses me off. It isn't my place to tell everyone about her personal life, and I really don't think it's his place either. But I guess I can't decide what he will tell everyone else.
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 12:25pm
he's acting childish, and I think you're better off without that kind of behavior.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:00pm
He "could not trust you" because you did something that he gave you permission to do?! WTF?! Very sorry to hear this. It sounds as if he still has some growing up to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:09pm

Hugs, laylam.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:10pm
that's what he said. And somehow I was supposed to know that his feelings would be different than he had thought they would be. I was supposed to think that he might have changed his mind, and then called him and cleared it with him before it happened. I was supposed to know that just because he said it was okay, didn't mean it was okay.
He's being a jerk about it. Always playing the victim. Now he gets to tell his friends how horrible I was for cheating. Even though I don't think I did. I know he will leave out the part where he told me it would be okay.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:25pm

In reality it sounds like you couldn't trust what he was telling you.

I'm sure you're hurting now, but IMO in the long run this break up is probably best for you.




Edited 5/19/2006 2:44 pm ET by joiseyonceagain
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 2:33pm

I would have to say it is probably b/c he was not there ,nor had knowledge that it was going to happen. Hubby and I have sex with others, but both have to agree, and both have to be there, or it is cheating. Could it be what he was wanting more than you being with another woman, was him being with two women. A lot of guys want that...but they only want it if they are with both women, not their woman going out on her own. One tip I would give everyone about any sexual experince...don't do it while drinking..always have a clear head, always know that what ever happens, nothing influnced it more than your desires and wants.

kinkybigirl

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