Emotional or physical

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Emotional or physical
46
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 9:20pm
Doing some thinking about some of the folks here that have lovers or third parties in their relationships and was wondering...Does anything like that concern you from the emotional sense?
I ask as my wife is not very tolerant of me having any women friends as she fears being too close to a woman as a friend could lead to physical attraction. Do any of you feel the reverse could be true as you started out as physical partners with your third party and could it become an emotional connection?
Just curious.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 10:19pm

Hi Tampa,
I am throwing some magic dust here as my emoticon, sending myself some luck...It concerns me with how I will deal with it when our relationship is over as a threesome. I am attached to our friend emotionally and physically and as I have stated in many other threads that he is always there for me and DH. I think polyamore is the name I was taught for it. We love each other. But one day when he finds a girl to spend his life with I know it will be over. I dread that day, but I also want him to have someone he can spend his life with...I am torn. However, we started out more than physically as we were very good friends for many years. Ours is a very special relationship and we have already spoken of all of this. He will always be my friend and DH's friend and will feel no different for me (us)then, as he does now. I know we will always be there for each other no matter what, we have been through some tough and emotional times together. I think it is possible (for some) to have a sexual relationship and NOT become attached, but in my case I was attracted in many ways, way too much before we started this. I still think though if you are as good a friends as we three are, starting out...the better. I know we will always have friendship. I have the trust and will always have the love, even if I can't show it in the same way. I hope I am making sense here. Not really an answer to your question though as we were attached to begin with.

I also have had many friends that I met at work that were male and were only friends, we went out to the movies, not alone but with others and had a fun relationship non-sexually. I was around them a lot and never developed a physical attraction to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 04-11-2006 - 10:35pm
I've had it happen both ways at various times. With our couple, the husband and I started out with a nearly purely physical relationship, and with time, the other parts of our relationship have kinda fleshed out into something a bit more balanced.




Edited 4/12/2006 6:13 pm ET by naughtygirl23

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 7:32am
Mine has become an emotional connection...same w/my dh.....it works out because we are involved w/another couple...but we all fell in love w/each other...it doesn't take away from our marriages...as I still am very much in love w/my dh...I am just also in love w/my bf, and he w/his gf. We are all very happy...and it wasn't suppose to be like this but it happened....i'm glad it did.
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 10:30am

you're getting close to 250 posts! :)




iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 6:04pm

It has to be impossible to keep physical and emotional totally separated...no? After all (and from my perspective)isn't the physical part attempting to bring pleasure to another? And do we as humans really do that randomly and purely methodically? Do we not care at some level that we are making someone else happy along with ourselves?

Did I just ask more questions in response to yours? Darn, just did it again! LOL

I think it must be all about keeping it in check to the levels both are comfortable with. Not easy but doable I imagine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 8:25pm

Tampa-man
Yes it is doable. When I first started I started to get emotional. We had to back off and start again. You get to care about them, yes, but love, well you just have to get a grip on yourself. Remind yourself over and over again that it is just for the sex part only. In fact I found another guy, divorced, who did not want a relationship to see once in a while to keep the emotions down a bit.

I just see it as we are all helping each other out in the sex dept.

I have kept it going for 10 years and don't want to stop now. I have the best of them and DH too.
Kat

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 10:06pm

OOOH, can't wait till he's on the hot seat!


Heya LittleM~

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 1:45am

I'm glad you asked this...threesome+ is a fantasy of mine (and DSO, too), but I haven't been able to wrap my head around the emotional part of it.

The physical idea turns me on, but I know myself and DSO and I think jealousy would be an issue for both of us. Plus, I'm scared to introduce another/more parties into our relationship. We totally understand, get, and trust each other and I'm really scared that adding this element to it would screw that up.

We've both cautiously talked about and around the idea, but at this point we are just too scared of the unknown. I hope there are more replies and discussion - it really helps to know how some of you have approached and dealt with the emotional aspect of multiple partners and how it changed/enhanced your relationship with your SO.

SMT

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 7:31am
I may have to stop at 249... ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 8:51am

Howdy, sweetmama!

I wanted to spout a little about my and DH's situation. We have gone swinging before (just physical stuff) and we loved it for a while, but stopped because we wanted more than just physical stuff. A few years later we came onto the scene again, and lucked into meeting a couple who was looking for the same thing we were. Yes, there has been jealousy and yes there has been upheaval and stress and angst, but all that was in the beginning of the four-way relationship. With time, we have easily settled back into our old patterns- our ways of knowing and "getting" each other and spending our silly alone time doing exactly the same stuff as before. It's just that we have this extra situation on top of that. The emotional connections across the couples has definitely grown in intensity, and we have to keep an eye on it- it's one thing to fall in love, and it's another thing to get one's priorities all messed up over it. I love my gf, and the energy I get from my relationship with her ends up boosting my relationship with DH. It works very well for us.

However, if we had started this at the wrong time in our relationship, it would have been disastrous. Although DH and I are completely emotionally intertwined and inseparable, there were times earlier on in our relationship when we were still laying our foundations and we wouldn't have been able to continue our attached relationship with one another *and* with someone else... it would have just been too much. :-) (We've now been together for 10 years.)

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