fantasy/reality

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
fantasy/reality
16
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:34pm

hi all! i posted this discussion/question in "fantasies" as well. a month ago, my bf asked me to do him with a dildo and i asked if this is normal. a lot of you showed me and made me realize that this is normal. that nothing is wrong with this fantasy.

now my bf wants to do a guy and the guy will do him. he wants to do everything, the sucking, the licking, the kissing... NOW does this makes him gay? i asked him if he's gay. he said he's not. he just wants to try something different. i asked him if he'll have a bf, he said if i dont mind he will - just for s*x

im confused! i like the guy a lot but his fantasy is too much for me to handle. i want o know/understand his fantasy. pls help! him doing another girl is ok (actually thats my fantasy) him doing another guy is different....

any inputs? comments? experience from both men/women?

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Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 2:42pm
oh boy.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 2:13pm

Like I posted to your other thread, don't worry so much about labels....do you love him, does he love you, are comfortable your love for each other is strong enough to handle this (it sounds like you do because you indicated you would be O.K. with a FMF threesome), but like littlem said, if it is too much or you need time to talk/think about this, tell him.

Due to some conversation twists and turns DW just recently found out that I had had a couple M/M experiences, one I liked the other I didn't much care for. In fact the second one is the one that convinced me I WAS straight....I had been having trouble with relationships (actually just wanting sex) and this older guy started making passes at me so I decided, well heck, girls don't seem to find me sexually attractive and this guy does, I'll give it a try. Next time we were alone together I let my erection show out the top of my jeans and we wound up giving each other a hand job. After I came, I left (couldn't finish him off, I was so confused about my feeling/emotions), after I had thought about things awhile I decided that just wasn't for me. However after this came up with DW and we talked about it for a bit (as well as the first one, which was just giving a teenage neighbor kid a BJ as a young boy)she asked if I had liked it and I had to admit that I liked giving the BJ except when he tried to shove it down my throat. The other just left me cold for many reasons. Anyway, that and this thread have made me think about this too....I know DW would never go for it, but I wondered if I would be able to do what your BF is talking about now that I am in a stable, commited relationship with a female and older and not so confused about my sexuality.

In closing, I would say your bf isn't confused about his sexuality and just would like to try some things and see what feels good and what doesn't. Just thought of a funny story a co-worker told me once, he said he had worked with a guy who had lived in a commune at some time and everyonce in awhile they would have "group gropes" (everyone stripped, got in a room and turned out the lights and you caressed and squeezed and played with whatever came to hand)....my co-worker asked "What if you get hold of a guys thingy" and this other guy told him "skin is skin man". Well sounds like your bf is of this mind. Again, though, if this is too much for you tell him....it sounds like he would be O.K. if it didn't happen (judging by your comment that he said >>>he said if i dont mind<<<), but would like to try it.

Let us know what and how things go,
tk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 4:33pm
Your bf is bisexual. It's okay if that is too much for you. Not every fantasy is meant to be lived out. However, it doesn't sound like it's something that he wants to drop. The 2 of you might not be compatible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 5:14pm

Hi, Sascha.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:14pm
IMO...sounds like he could be bi. Nothing wrong with that. I was with a guy who I used a strap-on with and we even had a MMF. In the end, he ended up being gay. The way I discovered it was that he was having men over when I was not there and because he lost all interest in me and other women. So be it, but you will know if he is gay with how he reacts to the situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:09pm

Welcome to the board, Lost.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 1:23am
i think everyone else gave good advice to you. Just be comfortable with the choices you make for your life. good luck in your decision making.

image

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 8:05am
He is bi...Either you can accept it or you can not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 8:47am

Hi Sascha,

When I first read your post, my thought was that he is just curious. Just as he wanted to try the strap on, which many men appear to like. If he liked that experience, he probably began to wonder what else he might like. The thing that you said that put a twist on was "i asked him if he'll have a bf, he said if i dont mind he will - just for s*x". I would think that he is bi, or experimenting to see if he is bi. I would want to know where his desire to experiment is stemming from. Is it something he has done in the past? Is it something he has read about? Did the strap on use open the topic? To get him to really talk honestly with you, you need to be calm and non-judgemental during the conversation.

You will find on this board there are many people involved in open relationships. Most of them have boundaries of some kind. In some, a boundary is that they all have to be together. It seems you have a lot of things to sort out even if you decide to be open to him trying out his fantasy. You may be able to live with some of the things he is seeking and you may not be able to live with any of it. If it's something you are willing to try (or let him try), you should decide beforehand what the rules will be, and you should both agree on them. The rules can always change later.

I also agree that he may end up experimenting with a guy whether you consent or not. Maybe if you are not ready for this, but also are not ready to end your relationship, you could suggest revisiting the subject at a later time. Perhaps taking some time will change how one or both of you feel.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 9:02am
This happened about 7 years ago. It was one of the most interesting experiences of my life. I knew going in he was bi-curious. I did not have a problem with this, considering I am bi myself. In fact, I found it quite intriguing. I knew it was going to lead to some fun experiences. Well, we found a guy that was willing to come over and let him fulfill his bi fantasies. I was under the impression this was going to be his first time with another man (found out later this had been going on for years). Well, we had our fun and all was good. But I slowly noticed his interest in me diminishing, and even brought another girl over and he had no interest in her either. Then I found some LONG emails to several guys saying what they were going to do when they go together (while I was at work). The emails even said to these guys how he didn't want to be with anyone other than guys. Ok, point taken, I left, although I would have still loved to watch (two guys together is such a turn on!!)

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