Good News/Bad News

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Good News/Bad News
17
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 3:32pm

Ok good news: I got some action last night with a guy who works next to me. And it was good until later on...

Bad News: he forced me to do anal even though I begged and pleaded and finally just shouted no but he held me down and I couldn't get away. He told me I was "ruining the mood" but the sort of upside was that after i got used to the pain and such it started to feel good. However he made me lose control of my bowels (sorry TMI) and I was NOT HAPPY about that... He spanked me which was good...then he started slapping my face which was bad.

Why do guys feel compelled to anally rape me? Is it because of the size of my bum or something? I didn't want to do anal and I said no and he did it anyway but it started to feel good. Now i'm feeling constipated and it sucks. He ruined my backseat but I cleaned it up. But I'm having nightmares about this and right now I can't even stand the talk of sex. He made me feel dirty in a bad way. It makes me want to join a nunnery (but that's extreme and unlikely to happen lol).

It makes me just want to wait until a relationship comes around but my problem is is that I can't seek them out. I can meet guys..I could accept their offer of sex but no words of dating or anything comes out (before the sex, I know not to expect it AFTER) but I guess I'm not dating material and I feel like I'm in my sexual prime. I'm always horny and have a high libido. Not to mention the whole fiasco of my ex (my first and only b/f) my parents just won't let me date anymore lol..

just thought I'd share my predictament.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 7:15pm

No, you didn't "allow" it to happen anyway.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 2:36am
I am going to reevaluate what I want out of life. It's just that my life is just so downhill at the moment (failing out of college, still living at home, not allowed to go out etc etc) that I'll just take about anyone who can make me feel good for a couple of minutes. I always insist on protection and he did use protection. He now claims that we should do it 3x a week now because I give such good oral. Please I want to tell him to go #%#@ himself...
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 4:52am

>>>He now claims that we should do it 3x a week now because I give such good oral. Please I want to tell him to go #%#@ himself...<<<


If that's what you want to do, then that's what you need to do.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:11am

>> It's just that my life is just so downhill at the moment (failing out of college, still living at home, not allowed to go out etc etc) ...

Excuse me, but how old are you? What do you mean by "not allowed to go out"?

I gotta tell you, my impression is that you are dealing with some serious issues which go way beyond your poor choices in regards to your sexual activities.

How's about some more background?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 1:53pm

Hugs, penguinite.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2005
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 1:38pm

well I'm 21, still living at home. Made a mistake last august that got me arrested and now the only time i can go out is work and school. Once every month i can go out for an hour with a friend and that's it...

plus i found out he raped one of my buddies on monday as well...

but that's all I'm going to say because this board is supposed to be a happy board and I'm just depressing everyone. Back to Taboos! Back to making me laugh :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 1:53pm

Hugs to you penguinite!

I can understand where you are coming from. My first bf (we were together a year and a half) in a bit of a drunken state (him not me) forced himself on me anally. He had asked about it in the past and often while we were having sex and I always told him definitively NO. Well, as I mentioned he was drunk, I was asleep and when he started fooling around with me I did not realize where he was going. In all honesty (in my situation not yours) I thought it could have been a mistake (cuz ya know...the holes are not too far apart..LOL!) and that he did not mean to, who knows. What cinched it for me was when I talked to him about it a few days later (I left right after when he fell back to sleep and we did not see each other until a few days later) he said he did not remember it and than somewhat laughing said “well, I finally got it, didn’t I?...did I enjoy it?” Basically my response was my a$$ one more time...as I walked away from him- for good. If it had been a mistake he should have at least acknowledged that he hurt me (physically and emotionally) but since he did not it was a wake up call for me and the end of us. Unfortunately this still haunts me (now about 10 yrs later), especially when I am with a new bf for the first time it flashes in my head and I get a start until that trust is established or we talk about it and he understands my fear. I might be willing to try it later (with someone I trust) but right now the thought scares me.

He had no right to do what he did to you. You are right, it was rape! And everyone from this board that has been advising you on this is right on the money. Get and stay away from him. If he thinks he can “get away” with this he might just do more and you could truthfully be very hurt. No sex is worth that and the pain inflicted seems to last longer than the “good feelings” you had from being with someone. It will likely be awkward as he works next to you but you will need to stay strong and please please acknowledge that you are worth and deserve so much more.

I understand feeling down on yourself and on your life (I’ve been there too). And sometimes to hear that “you are the only one that can make a change” will make you want to scream ... but it's true. I know that sometimes life feels overwhelming, but I have found that if you take it one step at a time, one day at a time you can make a change. Allow yourself to wallow for a bit (cry, feel sorry for yourself, eat lots of ice cream, etc.)...then buck up and start working on things one task at a time.

Concentrate on your school work, talk to your parents about relaxing the rules a bit so you have some freedom, etc. And take a break from the dating/sex scene for awhile, if you step back for a bit you will hopefully see that what you are doing is damaging and self-destructive and needs to stop before you totally crash. And most of all you do have to work on yourself & your attitude about life and love, you cannot rely on someone else (or a relationship) to make you happy.

Ok, I’ll stop now (boy can I ramble...lol! sorry it’s so long)and I hope this did not come across as "preachy" or anything ...I just truly felt for you when I read your post, it hit home for me and I wanted to write to you. I wish you luck and strength.

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