Have you ever fell hard for a cyber pal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Have you ever fell hard for a cyber pal.
86
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 8:08pm
I have recently started having a cyber relationship with someone. Its fun and highly erotic but latley have started having strong feelings toward her. We are very far apart so acting out any of our fantisys would be next to impossible. How do you handle the emotions that come along with it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 10:05am

LM,

I envy how open your relationship with your husband can be. I truly wish that mine could be as open with my husband. We married at 23 and in the almost past quarter century that we've been together we have changed as individual and as a couple. He is not capable of the kind of open relationship you have. He is not capable of sharing in that way. It doesn't make him a bad person, but I don't think that it needs to hinder my capacity to be loving. I am capable of loving many and it does not take anything away from my husband or family. They always come first and always will.

This is a simplistic way of looking at things, but I equate it to how a mother loves her children. We are quite capable of loving numerous children with all our heart. And nobody ever thinks that she's short changing another by having multiple children.

I didn't intend this to sound directed to you, I see that you understand. I just saw your post as a good time to jump in. And I did want to say I do envy your relationship. In the past here some people have suggested that I leave my husband before continuing with cyber or physical affairs. You just don't throw away a tremendous amount of good because there is some bad.

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 10:19am
Oh, I totally agree you can love more than one person.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 10:19am

Hi there,

I will not say anything to you opposing either cybering or having a physical affair. It's a very complicated and personal dicission. I wish my circumstances were like LM's and that I could be totally open with my husband about my activities. However, he would not understand at this point in his life. Perhaps he will some day.

However, I will caution you on thinking that someone is a safe distance. When someone gets into your heart they are not a safe distance away. And in this day of flights across the continent and around the world.... Well, few places are a truly safe distance.

I cyber with a man that I thought I could never meet, but a mess up in my flight schedule on a recent trip had me sleeping in his bedroom practically, Another man I drove right past his office without knowing it on another trip. And a man in Canada made a multi-day sojourn to spend a couple of hours getting to know me as a friend.

It's just very easy today to connect with friends all around the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 10:55am
Hi jhd
I am curious about your "changing life"
I'm male, 43 and feel somethings going on with me for a while now.
If you'd like to talk and exchange notes...PM me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 11:35am

We're all going through "things". With women we blame it all on menopause and being perimenopausal for a decade or more before. But I think it's that we're a generation that was told we could have more, whatever we wanted, and we worked and played hard for a lot of years and then all of a sudden we hit the stone wall.

Life isn't changing as quickly as it used to. We aren't zipping up the corporate ladder as fast as we were, the raises have slowed down, We aren't the center of the universe any longer, the kids are. We feel suffocated and trapped. We are bored on our jobs, we no longer feel challenged, nor do we get the praise we used to get. We feel we're taken for granted.

Some call it mid-life crisis. Seems to me that it's hitting our generation a bit earlier than it hit our parents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 1:48pm

I agree with morsegal on this one. Distance is NOT a factor. While my lover and I have never cybered, we have talked intensely about the physical intimacy that we both do not have in our marriage and what it would be like to be together physically. So 1500 miles was no barrier when it came to meeting. We met about 4 times before we ever had sex. Now we are planning to spend 5 days together in a few weeks. She is a wonderful friend, I value her friendship and she has shown me that sex can not only be very intimate but fun. We talk daily on the phone and share much with each other. Is it right? No, not in most people's eyes. But sometimes it may not be right but it is so. As a friend of mine says...it is what it is.

Jerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 3:07pm

Thank you Jerry

It meant a lot to hear someone agree with me on this one. It's something I feel very passionate about and would love to see societal changes in how we view marriage and fidelity.

Most people here will say that as long as both partners agree, then infidelity is okay. However, most partners are not going to agree because they were taught the old fashion rules of marriage and cannot see past that.

Marriage involves so many complex issues and we get so held up on the fidelity issue, which in my opinion does not make or break a marriage in and of itself, but only does because societal rules make one feel betrayed.

And that is the problem, feeling betrayed is not the same as being betrayed. I have never betrayed my husband's needs or desires. I give him 100% of what he needs and when he needs it. But he would feel betrayed if he knew I had affairs, because society teaches him that I took something away from him and gave it to another man.

I gave myself. And that should be exactly as it reads "myself", mine and not the posession of someone else.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 5:26pm
Man this has become quite a topic for descussion! I can see everbodys piont here. Some people see things different when it comes to marrage. But what if you were in a marrage where your sexual needs were not being meet ? When the SO will not give a inch on the subject. Ive posted many of times about what I would like in my marrage, she just doesnt give any on the subject. Yea there have been a few concessions but not without making me feel that shes just giving in because she tired of me asking about it. Thats not a victory for me, because I cant enjoy it because shes just not into it. This is way when I was approched by a fellow taboo member(who will remain nameless, so dont ask!) I thought sure why not.! Maybe this might be away to take some of the pressure off. This person whom I chat with understands me because shes in the same boat more or less. Shes is very exciting to talk too, Responds to me in a way that makes me feel good. And thats the dangerous part for me. I have begun to bond with that person in a way thats very confussing to me to understand. Does any of this make sence ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 6:13pm
I fell very hard for a girl that I was having a cyber affair. I do not know if was a cruel joke or she did not know how to break it off. But it ended with she was killed in a car accident. Further research on my part resulted in that she lied. From then on I swore I would never do it again. Well one does not get the fullfillment at home we seek it out elsewhere. I am back in love again and enjoying it. Love is unlimited and as humans we need companionship and love.

 


 


 


 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Fri, 08-18-2006 - 9:43pm
Sounds to me like she was inclined toward melodrama. Wow, that's a cruel way to end things. You sound like you had a healthy rebound. Best wishes with your new love.

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