Have you ever fell hard for a cyber pal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Have you ever fell hard for a cyber pal.
86
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 8:08pm
I have recently started having a cyber relationship with someone. Its fun and highly erotic but latley have started having strong feelings toward her. We are very far apart so acting out any of our fantisys would be next to impossible. How do you handle the emotions that come along with it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:09pm

I've stayed out of this conversation for sooooo many reasons but I WILL respond to this:


I will say that for men, this is a much harder decison (to stay or go) than it is for women in our country. I disagree. Every situation is unique and different in it's own way. It's no more difficult for you than it would be for me - it's just different.

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:10pm
How to feel happy in an unhappy marriage.

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:11pm

I don't agree that it's a harder decision for a man than for a woman.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:23pm

I will grant you that I made a statement based on my own feelings and experiences. I will say this, in my current group of friends and family there are 5 divorces that have occured. I am friends with both side in 4 of the cases.
4 for 4 goes generally this way...
Woman, still living in marriage home or has another nice home.
Man, living in a smallish barely furnished apartment.
Woman, knows everything that is going on in their kids lives and when the father attends any child function is looked at strangely now as the woman is still embraced by the community.
Man, feels more and more like the outsider, not only with their group of friends but with his own children.
In response to this question 'so, how's it going?'
Woman, "pretty good, men can be a little creepy at this stage of life in some situations but I feel like I am in my 20's again...having some fun!"
Man, "I have caught up on every movie I have ever not seen, I can't believe how bad McDonald's is, I miss my kids, and I haven't had a date in 6 months."

Yes, both sexes have the things that they give up and have to suffer in a divorce...I was raised in a broken home so I am not speaking from a position of not knowing. But whether it is right or wrong, our system/society still imparts heavier punishment on the man than the woman in divorce today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:37pm
Maybe I am a different kind of father than what many have in their minds as an impression of being a father. Are not the things you ticked off as downside the very things that a father at home has today while married? Are they not just the few bad things that occur that are far outweighed by the goodness and joy children bring to one's life? Are they not better than sitting in an apartment alone clicking through channels and eating left over pizza? Yea, some may say, give me some of that! (TV and pizza...lol) But I am not one of those people...so divorce, the way it works out today, would be way more a hardship for me than my wife in this situation. Yea, maybe it is just pertinent to me only...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:42pm

In IL, it is more damaging to a man when the marriage is over 10 years old.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:46pm

You are correct that in most cases men lose more in a divorce. However, each case is handled individually and in many circumstances the woman loses more. It depends on the couples situation, and many times on a judges attitude.

There certainly are financial, emotional and situational ramifications for the children no matter which parent loses more in the divorce.

The best divorce I ever saw (the parents were amiable, shared custody, were financially self sufficient and both affluent) still resulted in the major ramifications for the kids. And physical logistics were the major one. When your at Dad's house and it's 11pm and you remember the physics quiz tomorrow, but your book is at Mom's; or, you see a sad movie with mom and want to cry on dad's shoulder, it just isn't the same to make a phone call.

I have never thought it a sure thing that the kids would live with me if I divorced. My husband loves them as much as I do, and with both of us working full time it is not a given that I parent them more than he does. The fear of not being there when they need or want me 24/7 is paralyzing. I know you are correct about the statistics, but as a mother I don't want to take the chance of losing them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 12:57pm

I started to jump on him for this remark too, but he's correct, at leaast statistically. Men lose custody of their children more often than women, and the standard of living for men after a divorce decreases on average more than it does for a woman. Those are just the facts.

What about quality of life though? I'm not sure on this one. I've seen contradicting statistics on this issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 1:15pm

Both you and Jazz hit upon the issue of people going down the ladder of affluence when divorcing. It is a mathematical certainty unless the couple is so well off that they have way more than enough. Unfortunately most of us are middle class and just making ends meet. How can we expect to afford a second household when we were just making ends meet for one.

Woman get looked at as the blood suckers because they get the child support, but hello those kids were costing him hugely all along.

I feel sad when I hear men sounding bitter and begrudging paying child support. I hate hearing woman complaining they can't afford what they could for their kids before the divorce. I hate it even more if I hear them blaming their ex.

It's just a sad fact of life that money matters, unless you have a surplus of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 1:20pm

Again, I disagree. Statistically or not, my opinion is based on the divorce proceedings that I've been involved with over the past 13 years. I've seen just as many men screwed over as I've seen women. All from different walks of life, and fortunately or unfortunately some times it just boils down to if the Judge is having a bad day, or doesn't like the lawyer on the petitioner's side, or plays golf with

 

 

 

 

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