Have you ever fell hard for a cyber pal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Have you ever fell hard for a cyber pal.
86
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 8:08pm
I have recently started having a cyber relationship with someone. Its fun and highly erotic but latley have started having strong feelings toward her. We are very far apart so acting out any of our fantisys would be next to impossible. How do you handle the emotions that come along with it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:04am

I am glad I could help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:52am

I so understand this issue of divorce as it relates to kids, even though it has not happened to me. My kids are now grown and out of the house, but for other reasons realted to the work I do, I am stuck in this marriage. But my friend, who has 3 kids all under 18, has watched as one of her friends are going through a divorce and how it is pitting one child again another. She said on the phone last night....this is the reason that I stay. I will NOT put my kids through this. People are too easy to say that kids are resilent, kids will adjust, and they will get through it. That is easy when it is not THEIR kids.
This is a fascinating discussion and the input from all sides is enlightening.

Jerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 11:57am

Those who say their kids are adjusting fine need to take a closer look at the child. Sure, some kids do adjust better than others, but I do not believe you can separate a child from a parent and expect the child to be fine. Kids are good at hiding their feelings from the parents especially if they are worried about hurting the parent.


Divorce is a hard decision. I do not believe in staying for the sake of the children if there is abuse or a lot of fighting in the home, that causes much more damage than a divorce. We live in a throw away society and sometimes people are quick to get a divorce at the first sign of trouble instead of trying to work it out.


My marriage is not perfect, we argue just like anyone else. I want my kids to learn that just because people argue, it does not mean they no longer love each other. My kids may hear a heated discussion now and then, but they also see the hugs, kisses and hear the I love you all the time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 1:46pm

Damn!

I missed the thread I should have been involved in! I read the first 4 posts and decided that I'm not in a cyber affair I don't need to read any more...

HrnDg...my simpathys and thoughts are with you my friend. My thoughts on cyber partners is that they can be whom ever they want to be online. I would never jeopardize my very real family for a virtual unknown. I realize the unknown is also here, and would loudly proclaim the same about HrnDg.

Talbad...I bow to your gift in expressing emotions to words.

My wife was extremely similar to Hrndg's. We would have had heated "Discussions" over our lack of intimacy and sex and at the end of them I was deemed over sexed and too sensitive for letting the rejection hurt me as she was loving me the best she could. My first experiences online were at Woman.com getting pointers on how to seduce my wife again. I tried them all for years with only short term positive results. I was bring home flowers, I stopped the off hand grope, I brew bubble baths, I did the laundry, I took the kids out so she could have her quiet time, I sent her out so she could have her quiet time. I finally gave up...

I love my girls more than anything and want to be a part of their lives every day while they grow up. My wife, being a SAHM, would defiantely get custody, we would try to make 2 households on the same one salary. My girls ride horses and that would be gone. Both parents would live right at the poverty level.

So, I stuck around, but looked for sex outside my marriage. I thought if I ever found a woman that would make me feel desireable, that would be my friend, but not try to take me from my marriage I could have the best of it all. I found a friend, I found a sexual satifaction, but I was emotionally blind sided by the intense love I found. I found someone who thinks I am a great dad, a good man, a giving lover and the best friend she ever had. Best of all, I feel the same way about her...well she's a great mom and woman.

She has kids the same age as mine and she doesn't want to destroy their world either.

What is a person to do when you have tried all the advise.... I do sometimes wish I had been even more confrontationalw with my wife. I know how hard it is to do, but I wish I had brought her to tears trying to tell her how hurt I was. I wish I hurt her more to see if that might have changed her mind about giving me intimacy that I so NEEDED.

alright...I hope everyone hasn't left this thread already...

PC

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 2:27pm

"What is a person to do when you have tried all the advise.... I do sometimes wish I had been even more confrontationalw with my wife. I know how hard it is to do, but I wish I had brought her to tears trying to tell her how hurt I was. I wish I hurt her more to see if that might have changed her mind about giving me intimacy that I so NEEDED."

I am not a confrontational person in my personal dealings. Often I will walk away from some situation and feel "I wish I had..." or "If only...." However, it isn't in me and I can't feel regret about it. And that is what I see in what you're saying. You couldn't hurt her and you can't regret that you didn't then because the potential of hurting her now is far greater.

In my case, I always feel that it's unfair that someone else pushes me to be meaner or more confrontational than I feel comfortable being. Those of us that are less confrontational than others lose out in many ways in this world. In our homes and marriages is not one of the places that should happen to us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 2:35pm
PC,
Some may or may not know here, but I too was made to feel like I had the problem. After a couple years of reading and therapy for myself I realized her and I both were entitled to the lives we wanted and needed. Now mind you, my wife made a dramatic transformation from nymph to icicle after marriage (but before kids). After many discussions and no progress I laid it on the line. Seek help or divorce...no options. She still thought I was mad and that every wife doesn't like sex as much once they are married...'that's how they seal the deal with us men'. I told her to stop talking to her prudish friends and start informing herself with knowledge from world reknowned marriage experts and reminded her that there is over a 50% divorce rate in this country so over half her friends got it wrong. After reading just one book she was nearly embarassed, she read another and has begun a slow transformation. We live in a society that is hell-bent on ruining relationships and people's thoughts/perceptions. We need to dig deeper.
I know your pain. Counselling is essential. Your wife doesn't want to lose everything she has because she is sticking to her guns does she? Its a big chance, but sometimes you need to take out the A-bomb to end the war.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 3:26pm

Hi Lisa! I want to say just one thing.....


Those who say their kids are adjusting fine need to take a closer look at the child. Sure, some kids do adjust better than others, but I do not believe you can separate a child from a parent and expect the child to be fine. Kids are good at hiding their feelings from the parents especially if they are worried about hurting the parent.

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 3:40pm
I hope I did not offend you. I agree with you, from reading your posts you seem to be an awesome person.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 3:53pm

Nope, not at all Lisa! It takes a LOT to offend me.

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 5:00pm
Ok Newbie we seem to have a lot in common.
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