Having trouble coping with "transgender videos"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
Having trouble coping with "transgender videos"
10
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 3:48pm

I will just get right to it; how would you feel if your fiance revealed to you that he watches "transgender videos?" (Females containing male organs). I am female, if that helps in this matter, and he and I are straight.

I've been with him for a number of years now and I recall him telling me that his friends had always sent him emails containing such videos and that he was never interested in that type of thing. I called him out on this and he said, "I guess it's just the curiousity of the whole thing."  (I don't believe that his friends ever sent him these emails). I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this. I never had an argument with him over this, but it bugs me for some reason. He also said that he has "a little bit" of a video addiction. I know he watches videos of all types, excluding g@y, almost daily, but this doesn't interfere with our sexual life or anything.

I know my fiance is not g@y or I would assume he'd be watching g@y videos. I'm certainly not entertained by these types of videos. 

I guess my question is; do perfectly straight men watch these types of videos? I am having the hardest time trying to figure this out. To me, this is very unusual, but that may only be because I'm not into this at all and I didn't think my fiance would be either.  =\

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
I had a male friend who revealed to me that he was a crossdresser. He was very straight and always had an attractive gf. After learning my friend's secret, I researched the subject a bit and discovered that apparently most men who do this (like 80%) are straight. Also, for some reason, men are sometimes intrigued by crossdressers/ transgender individuals and will look at pictures in magazines, videos or even visit specialty clubs who cater to that type of crowd. I remember how shocked I was and we were not even romantically involved. I would suggest evaluating your relationship to determine if this is something that you want to or can even deal with. Good luck......
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013

For the most part, I can deal with it. Today, I feel okay with it. Other days, it seems to really eat away at me. Not only do I worry about these types of videos (the very thought of him being turned on by another man) but I also worry about him having a total addiction to them. Almost daily he watches all kinds of videos and although we aren't having any sexual issues I fear these videos will eventually lead to real life "get togethers" with people like that. (We're both in our late 20's). 

For now I can deal with it. I don't like it but can live with it. I just wish he wouldn't watch those types of videos and didn't watch any of it daily. To me that's too much! I feel like I'm living with a hormonal teenager. >=(

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
I would suggest having 1 or more open discussions with your fiancé and explain to him how you feel and why it bothers you. Don't accuse him or make it negative but rather, just be open and honest. Burying your feelings is just going to make you resentful and will ultimately cause problems with your relationship. BTW, I sent you a private message.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-1998
"hormonal teenager" You are living with a man. Hormones are very much a driver of behavior and thoughts for both sexes. For me (and I believe most people) there is a huge gap between what we may watch and find arousing and what we would ever do. I have watched TG and gay video. I feel no attraction to the actors, In fact, to me, the thought of kissing men repulses me. So how can these type of videos arouse me? I can't explain it. We humans are complicated. I also fantasize about winning the lottery, being a in battle like Lord of the Rings, being shipwrecked with Natalie Portman, etc, etc Most fantasies are probably best left as fantasies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013

When my fiance brings up the subject again, I may say something to him about how I feel. It really depends on the day. I suppose it's just one of those things you learn to live with; even the unsual things. I myself have fantasies too, but they're the more "normal" ones.  

My comment on the "hormonal teenager" bit may not have been the best choice of words. I feel that watching these videos everyday, sometimes several times a day, is just too much for most adults to do. As often as he watches them, I habitually think of a teenage boy. Perhaps I need to change my way of thinking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
It can be trying but remember your love for him and see if that surpasses the feeling his "hobby" is giving you
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

What do you mean you "may" tell him how you feel?  Are you afraid to have open discussions with him?  You are ALLOWED to not like something he does, and you should feel free to tell him that!  Do you two have any outside activities?  Assuming he works, then he's watching porns daily, no matter what kind........when does he have time for you, for activities with you?  If he loves broccoli, and you hate it.......do you think you're supposed to love it just because he does?  would you choke it down just not to tell him you hate it?  that's what you're doing now........you're choking down your feelings about his habit, and you're afraid to tell him how you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2013

My husband likes the same thing and it took a lot of soul searching to realize that what he likes is what he likes. Who am I to say its wrong?  I like what I like and he accepts me 100%.  I was upset at first and came from an ignorant, judgmental place. Once I talked to him and did some research I know it's no biggie and doesn't mean ANYTHING.  Relax. Love him. Accept him. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2014

A very close male friend of mine enjoys photos (but not videos) of "futanari fakes." These are nude photos of women that have been altered so that they appear to have male organs. One night he hemmed and haaad around embarrassed but obviously trying to tell me something and then after I encouraged him he found the courage to tell me that he had two fantasies that he hoped would notmake me sick. One was that he enjoyed spanking. Two was he enjoyed these kinds of photos of futa fakes. As a matter of fact--you may find this surprising!-- I enjoyed them as well. Don't ask me how I discovered they existed. And I do not know the reason I like them. I just do. They excite me. We now sit together at his or my computer and look at these photos and play with each other. Then, if I am lucky, I get a spanking (because that, too, we agree is exciting) before we make love, and believe me this man is the purest hetero lover of women you would ever imagine. Luckily for me, he's my secret and I will never reveal his uniquely stellar qualities to other women. I'm very selfish and don't want competition. Our fantasies coincide so well and often that sometimes he seems a dream come true.... 

Calling him a "hormonal teenager" cannot help anything. Insults hurt, you understand. Have lots of sex with him, that is my recommendation if you want to keep him away from looking at what you feel is pornography. On the other hand, you sound like you could loosen up a little and let your hair down once in awhile. Those "hormones" he has are a gift! Maybe you could learn to channel them in a direction the both of you could enjoy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008

My personal experience is that I enjoy watching transexual videos where the tranny and male or female have sex.  I consider myself to be heterosexual.  I think my interest in this began when I had a femaie use a strapon on me.  There is just something very erotic about switching roles.  So to me a transexual is all about that.  I think I've learned that sex is just about feeling good,  It's not male, female, homo or heterosexual.  It's just sex.