Help! I need some guys' opinions!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Help! I need some guys' opinions!
29
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:48pm
Hello, new here. I'm Cherie, I'm 19, and in my 1st yr at Ohio State. I usually only lurk but I need some opinions from the opposite sex and I really don't have any guy friends except my bf, and I don't feel comfortable talking with him about this, so here goes. The problem is my brother. I'm wondering whether he's normal or not. I'm thinking he's pretty perverted but maybe he's normal, how would I know? I'm a girl. So I'd like the guys here to tell me what they think, and whether or not any guy here is like him. I first noticed a problem with him soon after I moved in with him. I, of course, wanted to move out for college but couldn't afford much, but my brother, who's 23 and a grad student, needed a roommate and his place was cheap. We both decided that we'd probably get along, so we become roommates. Right after I moved in, however, I noticed him "checking me out", not just every now and then, but like every day! And I'm not talking quick glances but HARDCORE staring at my legs, breasts, or even my butt! At first, I didn't think much of it, in fact I have to admit a part of me found it kind of flattering. But another part of me felt very uncomfortable about it. I mean, even though I'm pretty and have an awesome body, and even though all of the guys I know want to go out with me, I still expected my brother to be different. After all, I AM his sister! I would think he'd be able to control himself a little better than that around me, although I can understand how it could be difficult for him with how I look and dress. I mean, if I wasn't his sister it would be perfectly normal for him to stare and lust, as I'm usually wearing something sexy. I wear SUPER SHORT skirts (with thongs underneath) to school everyday and I'm always walking around our apt in my bikini as our complex has a hot tub, so I can see to some extent why he might OCCASIONALLY steal a quick glance. But he doesn't just glance, I catch him staring at me just like any other boy would, every night. Can't guys control their urges even a little bit, like when it's their own sisters? Well, at any rate, up until a few weeks ago I was willing to just brush it off, with one part of me thinking the situation was weird and abnormal, and another part of me almost enjoying the attention and even sometimes teasing him a little bit on purpose. But a few weeks ago the situation became even more weird. That's when he starting taking pics of me. I don't mean behind my back, it was actually my idea. See, my bf lives far away, so we have a long-distance relationship, and I wanted to send him a bunch of sexy pics of myself. Of course, I was too embarrassed to ask just some guy I knew to take them, so I ended up asking my brother, even though I wasn't sure it would be a good idea with the way he was always looking at me. Of course, I wasn't doing any nudes, just sexy stuff. I was sort of afraid to do it, but another part of me was excited about doing a sexy photo shoot, like I was a real model. At any rate, he reluctantly agreed to do it but, as I feared, it's not working out too well. He can't handle it at all! It's extremely funny and embarrassing at the same time. The first thing that happens is I'll model a new outfit, just to get his opinion. I'll ask him what he thinks and his reaction is hilarious. He'll take one look at me in my bikini or lingerie and EVERY TIME his eyes about pop out of his head when he first sees me. It's funny because I can tell that he's really excited but he'll try to hide it by saying something casual like 'it looks OK'. Then we start taking pics and as my posing gets more sexier the same things happen every time. For starters, as soon as we start, I'll notice he'll get an enormous boner! It's very embarrassing for both of us because we both know he shouldn't have one from looking at his own sister, but it's also incredibly funny to watch him try to hide it and play it off. At first, I just tried not to laugh and pretended not to notice, but eventually I couldn't contain myself and starting cracking up. He knew why I was laughing and you should have seen how red his face got! That ended that photo shoot. But afterwards I told him I understood and apologized for laughing at him, and I talked him into doing more shoots. However, even though I promised him I wouldn't laugh at him anymore, he couldn't control himself and the problem continued, and every time I ended up giggling. There was just something soooo funny about his look of embarrassment when I pointed out his boner. His face would get sooo red and he looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar! Also, the way he acts during the shoots is kind of scary even though it's also flattering. Quite often, like when I'm in a really sexy pose or if we're doing a nightwear shoot (lingerie, undies) I'll notice he can hardly control himself! It's funny, but also scary and sometimes I feel sorry for him. I mean, it's obvious that he's so horny he's about to burst! This, of course, is an awesome power trip for me, but since it's my brother, it's also kind of scary. I'll be doing a real sexy pose and I'll notice him start to shake, he'll sometimes almost drop the camera! Other times he actually starts breathing heavy and erratically and has to catch his breath! I ask him if he's OK and he'll just nod yes, take a deep breath, and continue. But the worst is when we do shoots where he has to help me get ready, like one with chocolate syrup or whip cream or body paint or something like that. He'll get so horny putting the stuff on me that I'll see his hands trembling, and I mean really shaking bad, like an old person! And, of course, I'll look and he'll have his usual boner. That kind of disturbs me. I mean, even though I'm his sister, it may be normal for him to get a little aroused, especially considering the type of pics we're doing and how I look, after all, his BODY doesn't know I'm his sister. But to not be able to control yourself to the point where you're shaking? I don't care what I'm wearing, I would think he could control himself a little better than that around his own sister. At any rate, I am now having an internal debate. Sometimes I love the power I have over him, and I like the ego trip from seeing him totally unable to control himself around me and going almost CRAAAZZZYYY with desire at our photo shoots. But other times, I get really disgusted by his inability to control his primal urges around me. I mean, come on, how disrespectful! I'm his sister for God's sakes! Don't guys have something in their brains that say: "hey, this is my sister, this isn't a piece of meat." Can't most guys control themselves any better than that? I mean, I'm not trying to brag or anything, but again, considering how I look, I actually EXPECTED him to look a LITTLE, because I'm pretty much drop dead gorgeous with a body to die for. Again, not trying to brag, but it's true, I see what's in the mirror and I know how boys act around me, so I can understand him struggling, at least to SOME extent,with his natural instincts. But shouldn't he have learned to control himself by now, shouldn't he be a little more respectful of me as his sister, even when we're doing some sexy pics for my bf? Or is his behavior normal? I didn't think guys drooled over their sisters like that. Have any of you guys ever had feelings like that for your own sister? If so, do you think my brother is normal or a pervert? If not, what should I do? Move out ASAP? Tell someone? I'm not sure what to do, but I know that instead of laughing at him, now I've been getting more angry at him. At our last few shoots I've gotten disgusted with him and I've even been calling him a pervert and telling him there's something wrong with him. In fact, at our last shoot I actually slapped him! He had to help paint me and he couldn't even do it! He was trembling so bad he couldn't even do the designs right! He just told me he "couldn't handle this". And don't think I was naked, I was covered where I needed to be. I slapped him and called him a perv! I sort of feel bad about it now, but shouldn't he be able to control himself any better than THAT? Am I wrong here guys, or is my brother sick somehow? Isn't his behavior almost a form of incest?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:39pm
If you know that your brother is acting like that, then why in the world would you pose in front of him?? boggles the mind really.

lust-1.jpg image by Case_8290

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 8:50am

There is nothing wrong with taking pictures for your bf. But get a girlfriend, a professional photographer or even your boyfriend to take them. I do not agree with being practically naked and strutting your stuff in front of your brother. I have never and would never even think to do something like that with a family member, be it brother, sister, cousins, etc. To me that is so wrong.

I think you are to blame to a certain extent. You saw a problem, but you continued with it. Don't put yourself in that position. Does your school have dorms? There must be some females looking for a room mate.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 5:42pm
I cannot believe this post...You both need therapy and quickly. If your brother stares at you so much, put some clothes on!!! I know we are are supposed to be confident about our bodies but I think you may suffer from too high self-esteem. You need to move out and get a therapist as soon as possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 9:34pm

Cherie, you're 19 years old and what you're experiencing is the realization of many growing girls the world over - the ability to seduce. It's a phase all young women go through when they come into maturity. It makes you feel sexy, special and empowered. Just by having the body that you do, you can control how men react to you. It's an amazing power and it's exciting, but the most important thing you have to remember are the responsibilities that go along with it.

1) Be mindful of your body. Not all men will respect your boundaries once you seduce them, and let's be honest, trying to get their attention, flirting, enticing them by being sexy, allowing them to get close or touch you, is inviting them to experience your body.

2) Be discerning. Men will be attracted to you but it's your responsibility to determine with whom you should reciprocate that sexual interest. Don't try to entice just ANY man, whether it's family or not. It's for your own protection and self-respect.

3) Use common sense. Don't put yourself at risk, and don't expect other people to exercise restraint if you're not.

4) Maintain your character. Sex is a brief experience but the repercussions of your actions can last a lifetime.

Your actions are incestuous, as are your brothers. Right or wrong, you need to take equal responsibility for what you are both doing and accept whatever consequences arise from your choices.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 9:59pm

I can see where you're coming from. You're right. This is partly my fault.

But you make it sound as if what we're doing is really really 'bad', like evil or something. I don't know about that. I think it's all good fun, not 'bad', but maybe a bad idea?

Also, are you saying it's wrong to tease? I've wondered about this myself. I've been the most awful tease ever since I was 13 and sometimes I feel guilty about it.

But even if it is wrong, I'm not sure I could ever really stop flirting with guys. Guys are just too much fun to play with.

Well, at any rate I've decided not to do any more 'photo shoots'. After the next 2, I'm ending it. I may be a flirt, but I don't want to be teasing my own brother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:16pm

No judgement here, but I am a plain speaker. Your actions and his are incestuous. The questions you have to ask yourself are: do I think incest is evil? Do I think incest is wrong? Would I ask my father to take sexy pictures of me? Would I ask my grandfather to drip chocolate on my body?

There is nothing inherently wrong with teasing or flirting so long as you apply the guidelines of discernment and common sense. Is it wise to tease your brother? Is it wise to flirt with a man who is disrespectful? Is it wise to walk down a dark alley at night by yourself in sexy clothes?

You say you're stopping but only after two more photoshoots. If in your heart, you truly don't want anything to happen with your brother, ask yourself why aren't you stopping now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 10:49pm

I'm not stopping now because they were already planned. My bf already told me what he wanted and I promised them for him. So I at least have to do those two. Then that's it, and I mean it.

Unfortunately these last two will be the worst! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 11:18pm

Better to disappoint your boyfriend because the photos will be delayed until you can find an alternative photographer (do you have no girlfriends?) then to try to explain to him why you slept with your brother. Or to recover being raped by your brother. I find it difficult to believe your boyfriend will have much tolerance for either.

Bluntly, you're intentionally walking into the fire and that's not taboo, or "bad," or too sexy for people to understand. It's simply foolish and a plea for attention.

I hope you take some time to contemplate your choices and refrain from just reacting to your impulses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:57am
I think if you're honest with your boyfriend about why he cannot have these last set of pictures- then he will understand. If anything, your bf will probably no longer be comfortable with you living there with your brother. I agree with everyone else.. stop now and move out (if you can). Building a healthier relationship with your brother should be more important than getting your bf off with sexy pics. If your bf really cares about you, he will understand.

-c-

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Sat, 11-18-2006 - 12:58am
No it is not normal in a sense. But you are throwing gas on the fire by dressing and asking him to take sexy pics of you. He is a male with hormones racing at that age. Put some clothes on nice and baggy when you are around him!