Hubby wants anal-I'm disgusted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Hubby wants anal-I'm disgusted.
15
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 11:36am

My husband and I have been married 2 years. We have had our ups and our downs, but we've emerged victorious through them all. Overall we would define ourselves a happy couple. If only he didn't want anal sex as much as I detest the idea, we could call ourselves almost perfect.

When my husband first asked to have anal sex with me a few months into our marriage, I was somewhat shocked since he used to express disgust for it when it would come up in the media. I suppose he was cleverer back then to assume my answer would be a resounding no. The shock of the change and the idea of his penis up my waste tunnel really grossed me out. He apologized, told him no need to apologize since he didn't do anything, only talked about it, and we left it at that.

It's been a couple of months now that he's been bringing it up again, this time more insistent than when he first asked. My answers are still no, no, and NO. He attempts to persuade me by telling me that he loves me, that he wishes he had access to every part of me, and that he wants to know I am his completely. I replied that I love him too; asked how many other orifices in body and how deeply must he go to satisfy his need for complete access; and that anal sex doesn't prove somebody is yours completely, because you could be having anal sex in casual relationship, whereas I have proven my loyalty not by giving him access to the brown-stained tube, but by being completely loyal to him and being there with him. While he agreed, he was really sad last night that I didn't have anal sex with him. Why is it so necessary?

I am no prude. I always thought myself very liberal and sexual. But these days you're not considered liberal unless you let yourself be poked through every orifice and then some. I am 26, attractive, tall, slender, leggy, and always willing to have sex whenever he wants. I am a good wife, and he knows it. Why anal sex? Because he really, really wants it, he says. At what price, at my own discomfort and pain and disgust? And assuming I sacrificed for his sake... over time that will lose its charm too, and what's next? And this is not something I see myself doing once or ever.

I would like to know what you guys think. Except "talk to him about this" because we just did, last night, and it ended in him crying that he doesn't have complete access to me, but that he loves me anyway and that he just wants me to be his forever. Awwww, he loves me anyway, how sweet of him to love me despite such awful imperfections! He says he accepts me, which is oh so kind of him, but I know this will come up again....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 11:57am

Well he is certainly going about this all wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:18pm

Here's what I would do.


Just so that he understands what it's like to be the receiver, prior to you being the receiver... I would insist

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:28pm

and if he says "OK!!!!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:48pm

Correction... millions (if that) of gay men

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:55pm
apples and peaches argument if I ever heard one....
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 3:10pm

Either way, the "if at any point either of you you are not physically comfortable, the other

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 4:38pm

BINGO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 5:01pm

Yeas ago I had a gf who loved anal and requested it regularly. I enjoyed giving it almost

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 5:14pm

Hi Nellie:


I am sorry to learn of your issues with DH.


You conclude your note with the following:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2009
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 6:13pm

I would give two suggestions:


Don't ever do something your not OK with, but also don't ever say never. I've been married eight years, and neither of us had interest in anal when we were first married. One night after five years of marriage

j

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