If your penis had an owner's manual ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
If your penis had an owner's manual ...
22
Tue, 08-29-2006 - 12:21pm

what would it say?


Ladies, if you could write the owner's manual for a penis, what would you say?


We'll talk about vaginas later.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 6:46pm
Wash throughly before inserting into any cavity, but especially the mouth!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 6:59pm
Exercise at least three times a week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 8:11pm

>>>Careless or incorrect use of your penis may result in child support payments, laughter, humiliation, incarceration, severe injury, death, and/or marriage.<<<


LMAO - I think they should all have that warning attached.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2006
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 8:23pm
OK That's JUST TO Funny girl! No Topping That! Time to shut the thread down!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 10:34pm

Or make us all get the "Safety Warnings" exclamation point inside a yellow caution triangle tattooed on there. (Might look pretty cool, actually.)

FYI, I lifted my language, appropriately enough, from chainsaw owner's manuals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 10:38pm

When utilizing your penis's patented bladder release/snow writing function outdoors, do not operate within 15 feet of electrical wiring or electrified fencing.

In the event of an electrical storm, take precautions to ensure that your penis is not the highest point in your immediate vicinity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:41am

LMAO - I'm scaring my cat because I'm laughing so loud.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:12pm

This rule is exactly like the rule concerning sissors......

Do not run while holding penis in your hand.....

In case your penis gets wet and cold and begins to shrink, just move to warm place and massage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 9:26am

Take caution when handling penis immediately after fellatio outside under the bleachers in very cold weather -- do not allow penis to touch cold metal supports.

When playing with more than one at a time, take care to keep both equally inflated.

Never compare the oversized one you bought online with the real thing. This could result in the real thing retreating to the sofa at night.

Appreciate the fact that the penis you get to play with is yours now -- do not inquire about how many others it has played with.

The more places you hide it, the happier it will be!

Innkeeper

Innkeeper
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sat, 09-02-2006 - 5:42pm

If my fiance penis had owner manual it would penis for dummies or in some weird