Just discovered fiance is a crossdresser

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Just discovered fiance is a crossdresser
1
Thu, 07-19-2012 - 2:41am

Hello-

Im new the board and am looking for any kind of answers/advice.  I just discovered a box full of women's underwear, wigs, and fake breasts in my fiance's closet.  At one point he mentioned that he liked to wear women's underwear, but I had no idea that it was this involved. 

Very quick background info.... This is only the 2nd guy I have ever slept with.  I was raped as a teenager and spent years dealing with it.  The only other guy I slept with I had a relationship for 6 years (he suddenly passed away).  So my fiance and I haven't really been involved sexually. I was dealing with grief and a sense of guilt for having moved on. That being said-I wasn't as responsive when we first had sex.  When my fiance mentioned wearing women's underwear-I made sure that I did not say anything negative or hurtful as I know this was probably I huge deal for him to confess this to me. But I wasn't as receptive as he would have liked. I tried to explain to him that having been raped and having only the sexual experience of one partner, that I would have prefered to have "normal" sex until I felt comfortable with him.  I didn't dismiss the idea of him wearing women's underwear but I didn't encourage it.

Months later and he has completely changed towards me. He completely ignores me or snaps at me if he does talk to me.  Our relationship is rock bottom and I have at my wits end trying to figure out what is going on.  Then the other day I came across this box.  I didn't know he wears wigs and fake breasts.  I know this is something he does often as twice in the last week I have come home to find he locked himself in the bedroom (he always says he has no idea how the door got shut or locked) and out of curiousity-i checked and stuff in the box has shifted.

I don't know why he does this.  What does he feel when he does this.  I don't know how I feel about this.  I wouldn't ask him to stop, but I don't know how involved I want to be.

Anybody have any advice as to what to do or what crossdressing means?

Thanks

Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 11:57am

Hello Amy, I think I know what you are going through first hand. I am a Transgendered MTF. If not sure what that means is that I live full time as a women but was born a boy. I don't want my story to scare you because there are many forms of crossdressers, transgendered, and transexual individuals with many levels between these classifications. Crossdressers are most all the time Heterosexual and live normal lives beyond the dressing. In my early years, I believed that I fell into the crisscrossed classification. I was always attracted to women and told my Wife at the time all about it. She was accepting but really did not understand how deep it was. Like you, she thought it was just panties, bras, that kind of thing. When I told her that I liked to dress completely as a women she was not so understanding. Mostly because she just did not understand why. I would snap and be angry at times with her not because she was doing anything wrong or not have sexual relationship with me. It was because I just could not express myself and I felt like just so less of a man having the issues I had. Totally not her fault. Same with you, not your fault! Maybe if you do decide to open up and talk with him and try to understand, this may open him up to feel more comfortable and feel like, well more of a man for you. That is if you really care about him and want to continue relationship.

For me, it ended differently, I realized that I could not go on any longer as a male. My Wife and I did divorce and I transitioned to Female. But my story I the drastic side. This normally does not go that way. I was 23 when this occurred. Now my ex Wife and I are like best friends and she actually is responsible for introducing me to my current boyfriend of the last two years.

I wish you luck, remember communication is the # one thing! Love and Honesty as well!