A Little Rough...but that's ok...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
A Little Rough...but that's ok...
9
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 10:08am

Hello all,

Got a question...my lover and I have a great time together and have such incredible chemistry. I have noticed recently that at times he gets just a little rough/aggressive (and that might be too strong a word) with me and it seems to turn him on. Don't misunderstand .... I don't mind at all, I love to see him so turned on, it turns me on! :) So I want to encourage him to do this a bit more, he seems to pull back on this just as he gets into it. I am usually a bit surprised when he does this but have been careful to not look/act like it so I scare him or let him think he has hurt me.

However, I am not too sure I am ready for alot of roughness. I not discounting it completely and I trust him totally, but am just a bit nervous about it because of an attack when I was younger - I am a little worried I might freak out on him. But, pulling my hair, pulling my arms back during reverse cowgirl etc. is fine by me - we are by no means "gentle" with each other since we don't see each other that often...lol.

I have not pointed out my observation to him, I guess I think he might not be aware of it and maybe a little self conscious about it (maybe this is why he pulls back?)...so how can I let him know it's ok with me? Without embarrasing him? That he can open up and be a bit wilder if the spirit moves him. :)

I am very vocal in bed always and he knows for sure that what he is doing is darn good...so any ideas? Aside from having a sit-down conversation with him about it? A little whisper in the ear at the appropriate time?

Thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2006
Wed, 07-26-2006 - 12:28pm

ooo la la! I'd go with a little whisper. It's how I got my guy to spank me harder lol ;-)

you're blessed woman! I want my honey to be rough and aggressive with me =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 6:05pm

Thanks! I will give that a try and see how it goes! Since I noticed he did this and am going to encourage him to "let loose" with me....maybe you could try the same? Be a bit rougher with him, let him know it turns you on and maybe he will pick up on it?

Thanks again!!

free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 07-27-2006 - 6:34pm

If you're comfortable being vocal during, go for it.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 12:05pm

Thanks Jazz....I will indeed try those very words of yours! :) I think I will have a brief conversation with him too (just to get it out) and not be grim and serious as you said ... that should work for us both.

Hmm ... cant' wait to see him now!! :)

Thanks again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 12:50pm

Hi freespirit,


Do you mostly like this when the mood strikes you, and when the passion between you heats up to a certain point?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 11:06am

Hi Maggie Kelly,

**Do you mostly like this when the mood strikes you, and when the passion between you heats up to a certain point? **

Yes! We usually start off slow and somewhat gentle but then we get heated pretty fast and it just seems to happen. So yes, it is situational. :)

And thank you, I appreciate & will use your advice!

Take care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 10:52pm

I've been celibate for the past few weeks so pardon me if I'm a little horny perusing these posts.

In my recently ended relationship I had a guy who opened the door for me to pretty darn rough sex. I'm not particularly kinky or anything, just a normal girl, but I have to admit, whether it was just this guy I don't know: but i got absolutely addicted to rough sex. It was like a drug. I could never rationalize why i let him go at it so hard but that was what he wanted to do and it turned my brain inside out. He had a very large penis and i have a fairly small body, and it didn't always feel good but mentally it was crazy good. And the kind of BJs I never thought I would be a willing participant in: he would hold my head with both hands and practically rape me. Tons of spit, smeared mascara, etc. Gross perhaps but completely an altered mental state.

BUT what made it all so insane was how gentle and attentive he could also be. Just the perfect delicate touch and endless attention.

In the future I am going to be careful with this, and give it the respect it's due, but man. There is something to be said for sure for doing it really rough. Wow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 11:17pm

The first time my husband got a little rough with me it took me by complete suprise because he's quite "vanilla" in bed, but OMG! I loved it!! (I have an ex who got rough often and it was a huge turn on). Anyway... My husband was a little shocked with himself during the whole thing because he was pulling my hair and really thrusting hard, biting me... it was so RAW! I loved it! And I vocalized my enjoyment throughout. After he APOLOGIZED! I assured him he had NOTHING to be sorry about. He went into the bathroom to clean up and when he crawled back in bed he kissed me softly and asked if he had hurt me. I assured him he didn't and he apologized again saying he didn't know why he did that blah blah blah. I spoke in very hushed tones and caressed him and told him I loved every bit of it that he excited me and that he didn't hurt me and told him I like it rough sometimes and enjoy the animalisic quality of it. He has done it a few other times during the year and a half we've been married but it's the same thing every time. I have to assure him that I like it and all that. I think it just takes time. ?? I'm slowly trying to get him to come out of his shell when it comes to sex...

S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2006
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 8:02am
Over 30 years ago I married a sweet midwestern farm girl. For the 1st 10 years of our married life we have what is now deemed pretty vanilla sex. Imagine my surprise when I openned a special b-day present, a set of velcro straps, with a note that said, "Please use these to tie me up tonight". Well, yes I did and it was fabulous. As we lay in bed after I asked her when she was going to tie me up and she quickly said, never, I am the submissive one in this relationship. I have no idea where or how she decided to announce this, but it was the spark that lighted a passion that burns as bright as ever. We are not into the humiliation stuff, but we do it "rough" every so often and on more than one weekend she has been my "sex slave". Surprise him and have some fun! It works for a couple of 50+ year youngs!