Love anal... don't like how it starts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Love anal... don't like how it starts?
13
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 8:02am
I have been watching the board for a while, but not really getting into the discussions yet. I do however have a problem I need help with. I truly LOVE LOVE LOVE anal sex with my husband. HOWEVER, I don't like how it all starts at first. Does that make sense??

Let me explain.

We might be having sex, petting, or playing in some other more kinky ways ;-).... and then he decides it is time for some anal intercourse. I am always apprehensive, and a bit scared, and I just usually don't relax like I know I should at this point. That first penetration, even though he is slow and easy on me, it a hard thing. But once he is inside me.... WOW WOW WOW WOW... I JUST LOVE IT!!!!!! I can honestly say there have been times I have cum harder from anal than from regular vaginal inteercourse.

Is this really weird??? Am I the only one loving it this much but having a super hard time starting???

I would love to hear from you other ladies who have conquered any weird feelings when anal sex is about to begin. It could help us both enjoy it much more if I could just relax at first. You would think I could since I enjoy it some much once it starts???

HELP!!!

Thanks in advance for all the insight into this,

1 Happy Wife

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:11am
My wife and I have tried anal but as you said, "it hurts" and we stopped. I also wish we could get past that first part. I will be looking for answers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:34am
The anal sex itself has never hurt... just the "getting to it part" or penetration has tingled a bit. I say say ouch at times even when it isn't pain I'm feeling. It is more a reaction to something.

I think it is me not be relaxed enough to start. It is just so very weird for me to love it once it is in there and we are doing it.... I LOVE IT THEN!!!!

Just during the penetration it the hard part I have a hang-up with. To the point I say I don't want to.... when the truth is once he is inside me I wouldn't have it any other way right then.

Do other women have this same problem.... or did you all just give up when it was too hard at first, and never got to the good part of anal sex?

1 happy wife

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 11:02am
It might be helpful to wait on the anal until you have had a vaginal orgasm first. I felt some of what you are describing at first until I got so used to it, I could relax perfectly without any foreplay. It definitely seemed to be easier when I had orgasmed once before. Then once we got started, the O's just rolled in.

Also, you might try practicing with an anal plug some, and just get yourself used to starting. I think that may be much of what allowed me to get used to the act with relative ease.

Melanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 11:24am
Thank you for the feedback. I can tell you that I don't believe orgasms or getting warmed up are not the problem. I say that because my husband enjoys giving me MANY orgasms before, during and after any type of play. He is very attentive to my need for O's, and he loves how I can have so many to his one..... Poor men... ;-)

Anyway... I am always well lubricated, and warmed up for anything he chooses to do. I think it is just some weird thing I have about the actual anal penetration I think. I just can't relax and I "think" it will hurt, even though it has hardly ever hurt. So I tighten up and think "ouch!". Plus then my reluctance can translate into making it hard for him to actually penetrate me. When he does get in though, it is WONDERFUL!!

We had tried the anal toys, fingers, etc.. Kind of the working up to it, with the starting out small approach. But I'm not into all those things since they don't give me the pleasure that the actual anal sex does. Artificial is just artificial back there, and the artificial stuff can be harder than a man and cause pain at the wrong angles.

Just in a quandry and thinking I should just grin and bear it to get to the good part???

Thanks,

1 happy wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 11:25am
Well, you are definitely not the only one loving it...

My girlfriend is somewhat fiendish about it. But yes, it seems like it is a little challenging to start out if she isn't really ready.

We never just start with penetration. And she almost always has an orgasm or three before moving into the more erotic play areas. Generally a sufficient amount of kinky talking and teasing will get her very wound up for anal. Add a little teasing and gentle lubrication time with a fingertip and she's usually wiggling around and openly asking, in which case things go very easily and much more quickly than I would expect.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 11:37am
Now that is a thought...

We haven't talked, teased, and then gone into it along the path you laid out. We certainly haven't ever just jumped right into anal sex or anything. It has always been something we do after a lot of warm-up through touching, feeling, maybe intercourse first, etc. But not not really all that devoted towards just a tease and lead up to the anal. Many times he has talked while "trying to get in" about how he knows I love it once we start (AND I DO LOVE IT)... but that can't relax me either.

Maybe if we were to spend a whole lot of time just working up to it.... maybe the caressing of just that area??

What about positions??

We have pretty much been using one we both love for vaginal penetration where I'm on my back with my legs drawn up toward me head (great eye contact, and feel connected more). He then just pushes a bit more on my legs and I rock back a bit more for him to enter through the backdoor. lol ;-)

Are there other positions you all have tried that afford easier entry with less anxiety?

I guess I'm just hoping to find someone who worked through this same problem of not liking the start, but loving the action of it??? Seems like if there was just one answer then everyone would know it. lol lol lol

Thanks again,

1 hw

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:08pm
Well, I really think the talking and teasing route has it's power; getting the mind involved before the body seems to be really key.

Long term teasing and touching in that area with fairly graphic (per individual taste, of course) talk about "what you're going to get" seems to be appropriate.

The converted missionary position I've heard mentioned here is ok. It doesn't work very well for us because my lover's little body is beautifully made but uniquely positioned, making "on her knees" the optimum position for any intercourse we have. On the wonderful side, her body is rotated as such that she can be on her side and barely move her legs forward to get complete penetration for any intercourse.

Actually, her bottom is small enough and her anatomy turned enough that she can lay flat on her stomach, legs stretched out straight and slightly apart and it's really, really good for her. It's not a good entry position, but once we're past that part she can lay down to relieve the strain on her knees and hands and enjoy it more. Really, if there's any way you can attempt that (your body is curved appropriately, your H is the right size/shape to make it comfortable/fulfilling) I really recommend trying it.

Everyone's body is different. My ex-W couldn't handle being on her knees and was very sensitive about her body when on her back. Lots of experimentation and lots of lubricant and a reasonable desire on her part still didn't equal good results in the anal experiment.

As for one position... well, isn't half the fun of sex searching out new things to try?

;)

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 12:45pm
We've been having anal sex for a couple years now, my hubby and I, and the penetration part never seems to get any easier whether it's his fingers or him going in. We use lots of lubrication and heaven knows, he's worked me up by that point, but he always has to go really slow and gentle. That's okay for us though. My hubby talks me through it and it's so sexy to hear his talk. And yes, once he is in, I can't get enough and want him to ride me to the hilt. He can't believe it. When he's first penetrating me, that is what he starts talking about, how good it's going to feel in a minute or two and how we just need to get past this little area and how his c--- can't wait to get in. Pretty soon, I'm begging for harder and he's just like: What? WOW! Okaaaayyyy!!!!!!!! haha.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 1:50pm
Thank you Tiana,

You mentioned loving to here him talk to you as he is slowly and gently trying to enter. My husband has tried that too... everything from "Just relaxxx.... relaxxxx" in a very calm voice that tries to sooth , to "I'm going to f&*k that thing the way you know you like it". Both ends of that that type of talk work well in all other areas accept when it comes to anal penetration. Then nothing can make me relax very well.

It was really good to hear that you have also had this problem.... it wasn't so good to hear it may never be a conquerable one. Though maybe it is just a kind of immersion process??? As we do it more and more and more, maybe it will be easier and easier... though maybe never "truly easy"??

Tiana, what positions have you found work well for you for anal?

1 happy wife

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 1:59pm
I don't think it's easy for any woman, to tell the truth. It's a very small opening with a very big member trying to get in there! Our positions vary for anal, but my hubby usually likes me laying over his lap. Lubes me up very well and plays around with his finger or even a thin dildo (that's him though -not for everyone, I know). He also smacks my butt (another thing that we both like and makes us hot). All the while, he talks to me. Once I'm all hot and bothered, he positions me and enters me doggie style which I think is the most difficult position to take it. The best position is having both the man and women spooning, laying on their sides, man in back, woman has bottom leg straight and upper leg hung up over her man's hip. Let him have some strokes vaginally first, then enter anally. That's the absolute easiest for me, but my hubby likes a lot of variation so we do it all kinds of ways!

Pages