Maybe I should stop reading here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
Maybe I should stop reading here?
29
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:25am
I REALLY like hanging out here but each time I read something else exciting and sexy, I get pissed as thats not happeneing to me and I can't do a damn thing about it! (Aside from cheat or leave my wife of course)
Just tried of not having any sexual fun and having the peak of my experience by surfing porn...which BTW I'm open for good site suggestions!
OK, so maybe I'm just a whiner and should go exercise at lunch instead of checking in here.
(But then again what good will exercising do as I'm already in shape and it doesn't matter to the misses)
OK, no more crying from me today...

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Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:28am
I think it's time for a really, really serious talk.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:30am
Because in a Clashing Libidos relationship the LL partner generally holds all the cards in the sexual aspect of the relationship. Take it from someone who knows this from my DW's LL past.
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:33am
why is this?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:34am

Would you like some cheese with that wine?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:36am

From TM's posts it sounds like she has a much lower libido than he does. When she was extremely LL my DW didn't like sex and acquiesed in it about twice a month-prefaced by those awful words-"Just get it over with." TM"s wife sounds like my DW before her change in libido.

In short, extremely LL people do not like sex-and many actually find it revolting.

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:46am
so, how does a marriage survive it?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:47am
Frankly I don't know how our marriage survived. I think we were both too stubborn to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:49am
Been where you are, and occassionally have that twinge of severe envy that I am not the "BF", "SO" or "DH" of some of the posters here and think how amazingly more happy I would be if I were. But those thoughts can be destructive if you let them get truly internalized. I started using this board as the place where the true sexual side of me can come and "be"...to free express myself and not be judged or mocked. Its really fun to have flirtatious conversations as well...and you make some really great friends as well.
Yes, there is a CL issue in many relationships...some more severe. I had to seek therapy for it myself (DW would not go since she did not need two people beating up on her about sex...she feels we are who we are and that it is not a major part of a relationship). I don't recommend running over to the Clashing Libidos board here at ivillage. I lived there a while and I never found answers, just a place to vent. In fact, I started making really good progress with my wife and started posting what helped and just got beaten down. I let them all have it and said, "Fine, vent all you want, not going to get you anywere...outta here..." It may have changed though. It really takes true recognition on your wife's part and the only way that usually happens is self enlightenment and discovery...not hearing it from us DH's or DW's all the time. I think we can gently prod them though. I did recommend a book to her (said my therapist thought it was really good) and she read it and that prompted a lot of good activity from her. It was Great Sex for Moms : Ten Steps to Nurturing Passion While Raising Kids by Valerie Davis Raskin. She has fallen back to her old ways though and she is due for a reminder from me...as much as I hate to have that talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 10:59am
I think one thing we have to realize here (as a group) is that this bunch of women here is NOT the norm. Many women feel they do hold the card. Many feel men are just pervs. Many have not realized that its ok to be naughty and be a wife or mom. Many may talk a mean game but only when they are with their gf's. But I would venture to say that most of my wife's friends say way more often "all he wants is sex...get a hobby!" versus "he's unhappy and I need to step it up". And there is a huge support group out there to reinforce this bad thought process out there. We are the minority in society...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 11:02am
Easy for women to say this...remember ending a marriage is totally in a woman's favor. She gets the kids...she gets half the stuff, she gets half your money going forward. The do hold the cards.
Now please...I am not bashing women in general here. In fact I really love most of the ones here! But there is a bad culture that is in the majority in this country.

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