Mother, daughter lovers

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Mother, daughter lovers
15
Wed, 08-09-2006 - 7:55am
I'm a 37 yo single mother, divorced from my first and only husband. I was dating a man for months and we had talked about getting married but I was reluctant. I became a mother in high school at 17 and my daughter is 8 months pregnant by my ex boyfriend. He sometimes came and spent the weekend with us and last December I received a call that my father had been hospitalized so I had to go out of town and they were together from Saturday until Sunday that weekend. I didn't dream that they'd have sex but obviously from her belly they did. She was never very interested in boys and she still refers to herself as a lesbian but I know that she's bi sexual. I actually had been trying to get pregnant by him but it didn't happen and I still have feelings for him and he's begged me for another chance and I want to be with him. My daughter says that it's her fault that she went to bed with him but he hasn't made excuses and has said that it's his fault that it happened. He's 35 and I don't know what to do but I want him but every time I look at my daughter I know it will never be the same.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 12:18pm
I TOTALY agree with you,it will never be the same.What woman would want to be with a man whom she was dating or married to (for as that goes) still want to be with him.even though
I'm a man,I NEVER would have stooded that low and did anything like that to the woman I am
with before we got married and she had a 21 yr old daughter at the time whom is 23 now.We had problems and still do sometimes,But I'm not gonna have sex with her daughter because we don't have sex sometimes.
1.Question:How old was your daughter at the time of this happening? and
2.If I were a woman and was you I would tell him NO WAY,because You don't need no one like that in your life.Now if he's gonna be there for his child,he just do as that,but for as being in a relationship you and him,NO I honest doen't think it will work.Come on that's your child he slept with and got pregnant.Go out and find someone that is much better than he is.Someone who is much delicated and there are very good ones out there
you just have to look.
That's my opinion and I truely hope that you will see what I am saying.
Good Luck,
Howie_t
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 1:01pm

One might add that depending on the daughter's age at the time she was impregnated, the boyfriend's age, and the state/country where all of this has taken place, there is a chance that he is guilty of statutory rape.

Shouldn't mom be troubled by this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 1:07pm
I think a would be looking in the paper for the story talking about his untimely death.
Thay guy dosnt desirve to be around you or your daughter. Even if it meant that you would have to help raise that baby without him..
Man that just rattles my cage something terrible.... Hdog
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 2:30pm
My daughter was 18 when she got pregnant. She's 19 now. I am troubled by this but I was having sex with boys and men when I was 16 so I can't preach to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Thu, 08-10-2006 - 9:45pm
I think that the 2 of you,you and your daughter need to talk to someone deals in stuff like this.Someone who can give you legal advise on what you should do,But I will say what I said in my other post.You DON"T need to be with a man like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:03am
I don't know that we need legal advice. I used to work in a law office and I'm fairly familar with the law. My daughter was 18 when she had sex with my bf and he's paying for all her prenatal and has put money in an account to pay for the delivery and has promised to pay for the baby's support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 9:09am

Hi, Lyn.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 9:21am
I guess I know that I can't have a relationship with him now. I have a lot of guilt feelings about some of the things I did in the past. In high school I was known as one of the school whores and I even had a relationship with one of the coaches that went on for almost a year. I finally told my daughter about my past and maybe she thought she was getting even or something. I've never known who her father is and I told her that. Anyway, I'm about to become a grandmother at 37 so I need to deal with that reality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 9:45am

I was the school whore too, so you're not going to get any judgments from me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 11:06am

Lyncook,

That is great on what you know and he is doing.Hope everything goes well for you and her,But you is gonna have to decide which way you really want to go with this,and I know which ever way you choose you are not gonna be loved no less from your family and friends and If I was a friend of yours I wouldn't.I can only tell you what I would do in you case,But another thing,everyone is not alike.I also would like to say this too,that if you don't mind.No matter what anyone say or tell you. You have to decide for yourself and whatever you decide you would only have to answer to one person with whatever decissions you have made with this.Don't let NO one talk you into nor push you into something that you are not sure of.What I am really saying is you go the way your heart is telling you.

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