My date (not with DH either)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
My date (not with DH either)
18
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 7:21pm
Ok, I post, well not often. I did post about a married man I work with (I am married, but we are open)
well, this married man (j we will call him) his wife went to floriday for 2 weeks...
OK, i will be honest, I really didnt expect anything at all to happen, we flirt and stuff (he tries to kiss me constantly at work, but I only let him kiss my cheek) well, Friday he dropped his wife off at the airport and came in to work and asked if I wanted to go out later.. I said sure. We had another co worker with us... (in the begining) we went out to a pub and spent a few hours... Then the other guy went home and it was just us. We drove around for a while (how juvenile... but he does have a minivan with no back seats...) OK, well... we parked and talked for a long time. He kissed me once and I pulled away and had a little talk. I dont agree with cheating... I really dont. I wouldent want to be cheatd on, I wouldent cheat (but dh and i are open, so its not a prob) so, I told him that his wife would not appreciate this, he said that he wont tell her, I said they always find out eventually.. and he finally agreed. I said, I really like him and if this is what he wants to do, he is an adult.. he can make those decisions.... he agreed.
I just dont want him to loose his life and act like he had no clue this would happen, KWIM?
Ok, so we went back to makin out and I said goodnight and went home.
no farther than that.
OH, he also said since it wasnt sex it wasnt really cheating, I said cheating is anything your SO considers cheating...
what do you guys/gals think?
OH GOD do I want to see him again, and would go all the way (i am soooo turned on right now thinking of it)
what do I do????? You guys gotta help me
Liz

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 7:57pm

LOL, grapes.....
:)
I ended it today for all interested parties. I am so glad for all of your advice. Which is what I knew to be true... and in the end, I am not one bit upset about it. I am pretty sure he feels releived as well.
All I did was tell him it would never happen... and we wont ever go out again like that. In a group, yes, alone, no. And, I told him he needs to re think his view on cheating. (he has a very Clintoesque view on what cheating is, in the way Clinton had on what sexual relations are..LOL)
We hopefully can be friends... As that is really what I want right now anyways.

Liz

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 8:07pm

tHANKS FOR YOUR UPDATE, IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 10:30pm

Thanks a lot LM!
Today he (OM) asked me how long I was going to stay with DH, I said, well I cant be sure, but a long long time, I have no plans to leave him. OM said, but you guys let eachother outside of the marriage, that is a sign of imminent divorce... I said, no, its not.
What do you guys/gals think? (maybe I should post this in a thread on its own)

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 11:21pm
I think you did the right thing...I am sure his wife would consider it cheating..I have broken up marriages in the past...trust me when I say the last thing you want is a hurt angry wife on your hands. It really puts a damper on the fun you had.
Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 9:58am
I think most people here will agree an open marriage does not = imminent divorce.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 12:13pm
I think you did the right thing. It is so hard when we want something to say no. But it only makes us stronger and makes us grown when we step away from something we so badly desire.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 12:16pm
I agree that open marriage does not = imminent divorce. For some an open marriage makes their relationship stronger. I don't think an open marriage is for everyone. Something that really needs to be talked about in depth, and communication must always be open and honest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 7:19pm
I didnt think open marriage ment divorce either... Maybe LM is right, wishful thinking on his part... LOL (I would never date him as a primary... and never leave my DH, I have a good thing at home why mess that up)
I know he wishes he had permission, but his wife would never consent.. and so neither can I. This week will be a little tough.... this is the last week I will be seeing him (his hours will change) but at least its only a week.
Liz

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