My relationship's over

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
My relationship's over
25
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:09am

Yep, that's right, it's over. Why? Because SO just happened to decide to browse the taboos site the other night and read all the stuff in my last torch - including the explicit details of my sexual past. Why he decided to do that, I don't know.

As far as he's concerned, I was in a relationship with him, and I shouldn't have even been thinking about my past at all. And on top of that I shouldn't have been posting the details on the internet - especially on a messageboard where people know my first name, age, and location, among other things about me.

You win some, you lose some I guess.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 9:49am

That's just unreal... I really hope that there is absolutely no doubt in your mind that it is not you who is being unreasonable. I'm so sorry that he would get hungup on your answering questions here. It's not like you went out of your way to dredge up everything about your past, just so you could relive your glory days long before you met HIM. That's not what it was about, and I'm sorry he reacted this way.

And what kind of person is he, that he would be at *your* house all the time in the past few days, IGNORING YOU??? My goodness!! If he had an issue, he should have discussed it with you. And if he needed some alone time to regroup, then he could have done that at his own house. You're right... if it bothered him so much, then why was he still there??? Who goes to a friend's house to give them the cold shoulder??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:00am

He knew about the first story I wrote in there, but it doesn't sound like he read that. He knew some details from the last story I posted in that thread that I didn't even include in the story, but he knew about those details before we got involved in a relationship.

It's not like his past is all vanilla sex! I know about some of his sexual history too. He asked what I would think if I read an explicit story he read, I told him it wouldn't bother me. The past is the past as far as I'm concerned. Apparently on that issue we are total opposites.

 


 


Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:08am
HRM.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:13am

I don't know you or your SO, all I can do is comment on my relationship, which seems to have some similarities. I may be way off. My SO is very private, he does not really like me being on here or ever talking about him. He won't let me talk to his friends or go to his work, for fear I will embarrass him. Not intentionally, it's just that I am very outgoing and social and open. He is very quiet and private and doesn't want anyone getting too close. We are polar opposites. But you know, at Valentines, I made 2 mugs and we glazed our own, mine said "he keeps me grounded" and his said "and she helps me stretch." Every morning I have my coffee in that mug and think of what it means.


I think there are major issues in our relationship over these differences, but I try to remember his feelings and MOSTLY

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 10:29am

I asked him what possessed to him to "browse" taboos, and his explanation was that he was just interested to see what was on here. I told him if he wanted to know, he could have just asked me. He says that he won't read any more, because he doesn't want to know what else I've written.

He did read it when I thought he had - Saturday night when I was in the shower. He was fine before I went for my shower, and by the time I came back he didn't even want to look at me. I asked him at the time what the matter was and he said nothing was the matter. Saturday night! That means he slept in my bed for four nights, after reading something that upset him this much. That I don't understand. I don't understand why he didn't want to go home during that time. I spent most of my time over those days doing the gardening, moving my room around, cleaning, just to keep out of his way IN MY HOUSE.

He doesn't believe me that what I wrote about was "just sex", and had no emotional meaning to me, then, or now. Apparently there was too much detail for that. And apparently it's disrespectful of me to write about previous encounters when I'm in a relationship.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:11am

xploziv1, I don't know you, but so much of what you're saying sounds familiar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:48am

The thing is, up until this happened, things were going really well. At least they seemed to be. I just guess I don't understand what it means to be so insecure about someone's past that you could just walk away like that.

Anyway, over the last couple of hours he seems to have thought things through a bit and he's settled down a bit (we're chatting on the net). For instance, he doesn't want all his stuff returned any more. The problem with him is, when he's left to dwell on things for too long, he blows them right out of proportion, instead of getting my take on the situation.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:57am

I am gonna repeat talbed.....

this level of jealousy and insecurity in your SO would have likely gotten worse more and more in the future...better to cut your losses now. I remember being insecure at one time in relationships...its a vicious cycle for both. I been there and done that sister! Better to let him walk. You have to trust your SO and let your insecurities go. I am still learning. DH knows I post here and hasn't a clue what about, he just knows "boards". I will tell you right now if he read everything I ever typed he may be unsettled but it wouldn't end it. Take time for yourself and remember, everything happens for A REASON. Let God deal with him, you focus on you. Maybe Better things to come for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:58am

Maybe through all this, he'll learn to open up to you more, and get your take first?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 12:50pm
Im so sorry. It seems a bit silly that he should get so upset about you talking about your past...I mean really..its just that your past..you're entitled to the memories...