Need Advise - my BF wants me to dominate

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Need Advise - my BF wants me to dominate
15
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 3:24pm
Hi, my BF wants me to dominate him this weekend. We have dabbled a little before (handcuffs, blindfold, spanking) but he wants me to take it a little further. I have about 2 hours and then we are going to switch roles after a break. I'm going first and last time I think he wanted more but it was new. Any advise for treating him a little more like a slave would be helpful. I remember the last time I was getting into it but I didn't want to hurt him - I did make him give me a massage, shave me (talk about trust), masterbate in front of me (just to the brink) and we ventured into facesitting (how fun). He is very powerful at work and doesn't take to following orders from others - he got away with some things where he was talking or touching me when he wasn't supposed to and I didn't know how to punish him. This time I want him to know who is in control and the boss. Any and all ideas are welcome, thanks in advance.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-30-2006 - 8:03pm

Hi, Libra.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 3:13am
Hey, nice to see you again.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 9:00am

Hi,


Just so you know, this MissTrygg's BF/Master typing. She asked me to try to give some advice. So here goes.


Dominating, as you've found out, isn't all that easy really. But I have found a trick that works fine for me, and is the usual way I explain how I find that lot of domination works. Think of the submissive as a pet. It's the same basic ideas one uses to "train" a dog as one uses to "train" ones slave. What I mean by this is that if, by using the example here, your slave does something he isn't allowed to one should directly punish that action. Either by a harsh word or my more physical action. And just as a pet would learn that a "NO!" means that if he continues with the "bad actions" punishment will ensue, so will a slave learn the same (he would probably know that from the get go though, but one must prove one is prepared to take actions should the need arise).


So basically, punish every bad action that is done. And as, from how I understand it, you'll have shorter sessions and not a 24/7 or some such I'd recommend direct action then and there. In a longer timespan, like a looong session or 24/7, one could probably use the "that's 10 more lashes to the list"-method. But if there won't be any "later tonight" in the session that wouldn't, understandably, work. So if you are, say, spanking the slave and he does something bad (moves around, stops counting, whines too much or whatever he's not supposed to do) just add a few spanks, or spank harder or even use a "tool" (for lack of a better word).


The type of play and especially punishment one wants to use is very much dependant on the person. I've talked to a lot of people who don't generally like the physical or sexual parts of domination as much as the domination in and off itself. They enjoy getting told what to do, and getting verbally abused when they do something bad. Others prefer to just have

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:08am

Wow, thank you for the advise. I always keep in mind SSC and I have asked him for a safe word which he hasn't given me yet. I think he doesn't think he needs it, but this time since I am taking it further I will insist he give it to me, or he'll get nothing.

I like your pet approach, this will help me focus since I have a new kitty at home I am in the process of training. I want to make sure that I enjoy it, and you are correct, it is not as easy as you would think. It takes thought, planning and patience. If you have missed anything and have more information, please feel free to clue me in. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 10:23am

Welcome to Taboos, LoomChild.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 12:25pm
All I can say is WOW, and of course -- Welcome to the Board!!!

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 3:51pm

As the a

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 4:05pm
I like the information you have shared. We have done the altoids and ice and he enjoys both. Any other suggestions that will make my guy beg for mercy. We have used a paddle but I was thinking cat-o-nine tails. Any thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 5:52pm

I have said it here before - before doing anything that involves just two people and real can't-get-out-of-them handcuffs, go to your local library and check out Stephen King's novel, "Gerald's Game".

It'll make you think twice. Maybe even three times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Thu, 08-31-2006 - 7:31pm

Cat-o-nine-tails/a flogger is nice. Remember, fewer and thinner tails is usually more painful. I've made a few myself in rubber (old bicycle-tire-hoses are great ;) and my preferred is one with a bit longer and thinner tails, with spliced ends (just a cm or so in the tip). Stings quite a bit I must say.


I could also recommend a crop or a cane. Got a lot better "whap" to it. And is a sure way of raising welts if one so pleases. Again, there are more than one type. Longer and thinner is more painful. I have unfortunately not had the opportunity to try out any other tips than the usual "folded leather strip", but that usually works rather well anyways.


Other things I find useful is clothespins (or real nippleclamps if one has such things). Cheap, comes in packs of 20 or so and has the wonderful effect of hurting quite a bit when one removes them. Thus they hurt to have on, but one can be a bit tactical in when to remove them for that extra sting (or just flog them off or something, that should hurt I guess). Of course wax and such is useful. Or candles in general. Light one and drip molten wax on whatever bodypart you wish (well, not eyes perhaps, but duh... ;). Or just use it for penetration. On a man,

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