New at Swinging

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2010
New at Swinging
14
Tue, 08-28-2012 - 4:32pm

I just lurke here. Like the read the posts. Now I have a question or questions to ask.  First let me start by telling my story.  My wife and I went on a vacation to Mexico for 5 days, a quick getaway from the kids and work. We met a nice couple the first day that we were there. A little older than us probably late 30's early 40's both in great shape, very attractive.  We talked a bit had drinks, nothing major, nothing seemed out of place.  We ended up having dinner with them one night and after a lot of drinking the talk turned to sex. I still didn't think of anything out of place.  My wife told me later that they were so coming onto us and trying to see if we were interested in them.  I must have been so niave.  They invited us to nudist beach the next day that was a little whiles away from the resort. I was so - so but my wife said ok.(this was after a lot of discussion when we went back to our room by ourselves) I think it was the drinks that pushed her.  The next morning we all took a cab to the beach found a nice spot and they proceeded to take their bathing suits off. The woman was super hot! had great breasts totally shaven. The guy was hung/huge which crushed me. I thought I was OK, average, held my own, but just looking at his limp, I felt defeated. Well, I soldiered on and got naked with my wife, (we are in great shape as well so the body part didn't bother me it was the package) and we had a good time on the beach.  When we got back to the resort they gave us their room number and told us to freshen up then come up to their room for some drinks.  Now I was like WTF.  When we got to our room, the wife and I talked long and hard, we came to the resort for us, to be romantic, to get away. Now we are hanging with swingers? Am I being prude? My wife actually said we should consider it.  But I said the guy was huge, i think, no, I know she was interested.  If the guy wasn't that big I think I might have considered it. I just couldn't/didn't want to imagine her having sex with him, that bothered me. Not her having sex with another man if we were swinging, well I guess that would, but him with his giant cock!WTF!  We ended up not doing doing it but talking about it and having great sex. Who knows if this comes up again, we won't actively pursue it, but if we do have it happen again, as a dude how do you get past that?  My wife and the other lady were, I would say, equally attractive. 10 years ago my wife would have said no way to this. Now she says, maybe, It might be fun. How does that change? How should I feel?  How do swingers deal with all the emotions?  I fantazise about it, watch porn with swingers in it. it interests me but put me in the spot light and I was numb.  Like everything, once you do it once and get used to it it gets easier.  But that first time must be so awkward. If anything it put a little extra spice in our sex life the last few weeks. Any advice on this would be great 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2012
Thu, 10-11-2012 - 10:53pm

Your experience points out that swinging is not for everyone and for those contemplating doing it-- even for a little while--that it needs to the carefully considered.

If you're not a person who can separate love from sex then swinging is not something you or your mate should get involved in.

I've been into swinging since 1977 and can tell you that I've met a nunber of people; both couples and inviduals who've wouldn't have it any other way. What they have in common is that they are not people who follow the crowd; they tend to think for themselves; they do not look upon their other half as a possession but rather someone like themselves and all of us who have sexual dreams and fantasies. Most importantly they believe that at least for recreational sex more than on person is OK for them.

I've also come across couples where one of the partners has problems with actually getting into swinging while the other wants it yet they've worked out specific agreements that are taylored to their own needs. In some cases the one who wants to swing is allowed to but away from the other partner. Others resolve this and other hang-ups by getting into "soft" swinging; meaning that they do not actually get with anyone else physically but do meet to watch another couple have sex as they do too.

Despite many misconceptions swinging has rules and one of the main ones is that going behind the back of your partner is NOT swinging it's simply another means of cheating and that's not swinging.

I could go on extensively but I'll end this here by just suggesting that you talk this over with your spouse and not just one time but for however many times it takes to get a mutual undstanding.

In you case I think you may have been intimidated by the size of this other guy's penis and the thought that he would be a better lover for your wife. That's a natual feeling and one I've had too but remember that your wife chose you to be her husband. Just because another guy has some larger equipment won't change her love for you and that's the big difference... Love and just sex. While the guy may satisfy a sexual desire or fantasy of your wife's its you she loves. Something to consider should you both talk about getting into swinging again.

Swinging can be the best thing that can happen to you both or it can be the worst. It's really what you two make it should you decide to do it. If you do then I wish you both Best of Luck. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-1998
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 5:44pm

Good advice. I have frequently wanted to do the two couples in one room but no swapping approach. I assume you are a swinger at some level. Care to comment on your experiences and how you feel about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-1998
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 5:36pm

What made you stop swinging?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Wed, 08-29-2012 - 1:51pm

We don't swing so I can not answer your questions.  I do want to say that you made the right decision.  If you have any hesitation about swing than you should not do it especially if it involves some envy or jealousy.  Good decision and you are not being a prude.  Very few people swing.