No anal sex for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
No anal sex for me?
9
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 12:00am

My boyfriend recently found out that I've had anal sex in the past. He seemed kind of scared by it. He told me he doesn't want to do it. He says it sounds like it would hurt, that it sounds kind of gay (even though he's one of the most homo-friendly people I know), and he's only recently lost his virginity so vaginal sex is still new to him. How can I get him to relax a bit and be a little more accepting?

On a positive note - he's okay with spanking, so I'll be getting some this weekend!

.

Lilithwitch:
Overworked and undercaffeinated law student
Fur-mom to Sebastian

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 4:51am

Welcome to the board, lilithwitch.

 

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 5:54am

HI Lilith,


Welcome to Taboos.


I agree with Jazz here, give him time to get used to sex...I know I had been sexually active for YEARS, with many partners and never felt comfortable trying anal.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 9:07am
Welcome Lilithwitch!
For many guys new to being sexually active, their knowledge of sexuality is fairly limited (depending on age). It's what they hear from their guy friends (which we know can be quite a distorted version of the truth - fish tales don't just apply to fishing), or maybe what they gather from porn. We are not as introduced to our bodies as women are (especially with the adolescent cycle initiation) nor is the conversation as deep as it can get when girlfriends get together. I think as guys get really comfortable with their first lovers and sexuality, all the notions they had begin to be proven wrong, fade or are transformed by the reality of what a woman can bring. In this time you should see a change in attitude occuring. I am betting in 6 months from now he will be a very different lover...especially since it seems he has one that is a bit more developed. Be a bit patient, loving and even a little wiley in the 'training' of your man. He may just come around. Not a bad idea to request doggy a tad more often too! ;^)
Good luck and welcome again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 9:31am

Welcome to the board!!!! You've got some great advice here and I agree totally with everyone. Give him some time to explore!!!


 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 8:17pm

Thanks for the advice. I'll wait it out for awhile and see if I can get him to experiment a bit more in other areas.

Actually, I was the one who requested anal sex the first time. For some reason I always end up with guys who don't ask for it, and end up doing because I want to.

.

Lilithwitch:
Overworked and undercaffeinated law student
Fur-mom to Sebastian

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 08-24-2006 - 11:43pm

Hi Lilithwitch,

Nice to meet you. It is my first time to hear that...

"Actually, I was the one who requested anal sex the first time. For some reason I always end up with guys who don't ask for it, and end up doing because I want to."

It is rare to find a gal who request anal sex the first time, not to mention that she always end up with guys who don't ask for it. I guess...the ratio of men who like anal sex is about 7 or more out of 10. The ratio of women who like it is about 3 or less out of 10. Hence, generally speaking, it is much more easier to find a guy who like anal sex than to find a gal who like anal sex. Many many men (including myself) don't even have a chance to have anal sex with their DW or GF because most women still object to the idea of anal sex or they are afraid of the pain. Men need to put a lot of effort to persuade their gals to give it a try. That is what I have been doing to my DW for almost one and a half year. The progress is slow. Hopefully, I can get her into it in future. When I read your post, I really envy your BF his good luck. He is so lucky, but he doesn't know about it. I hope that he can cherish you. As other dear members here said, your BF is still new to it. It takes time for him to build up confidence in himself and gain more sexual experience. I believe that he will change his mind soon. However, based on what he said about his attitude to anal sex, he really doesn't understand what heterosexual anal sex is about at all. He needs to be educated properly in future. Besides, anal sex is a high-level sexual activity requiring lots of patience, mutual trust & love, skilful sexual technique, and most importantly the right attitude to anal sex. By the way, may I ask you some questions? Well, How did you get into anal sex in the past? As a woman who always end up with guys who don't ask for it, why do you love anal sex? Is it important to you? Personally, I love anal sex so much, so I want to know more about what women think of this topic. I look forward to your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 12:15pm

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. Whenever I try, my internet freezes on me!

So, how did I get into anal sex? With my first boyfriend, we had anal before we had regular sex. I guess I just wanted to do SOMETHING and I didn’t consider anal to count as real sex. It always hurt for the first minute or so, but after that it felt good. Maybe he would have requested it eventually, but I was the one who asked for it first. I’m interested in trying just about anything once, and I found anal to be quite enjoyable.

Why do I love it? Hmm, I have a hard time explaining this one. I guess the fact that it’s kinky and that not everyone does it is a turn on. The in and out motion feels really good, and sometimes it can bring me to orgasm. I guess I enjoy being stimulated back there by toys. Anal sex is like that, but with so much more fullness. I’m also really submissive in bed, so I love how much control the guy has with anal and how much trust is involved. Orgasming during anal is great, too. I have a harder time coming, but when I do, it’s so much more intense.

I don’t like having it all the time. I usually do it with guys who don’t really understand the fine art of foreplay, so it can hurt. Every once in a while, when I’m incredibly horny, I love to do something this kinky.

Anyway, I hope this helps. If you ever do get to have anal with your DW, I recommend you get her to use a vibrator on herself at the same time. It will make her happy, and distract her from what you’re doing.

.

Lilithwitch:
Overworked and undercaffeinated law student
Fur-mom to Sebastian

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 12:11am
That's ok. Nevermind. By the way, thank very much for your reply. Actually, I have tried to use a vibrator on her, but she just doesn't like it. She prefers natural thing (such as finger, tongue and penis) to toys. I think the direct clit stimulation by vibration is too strong for her to enjoy it. However, after a long period of "training" - fingering and rimming, she starts to enjoy anal play. It took me about 1 and a half year to get her into it. Now, anal play is a part of our sex life. I keep doing it every time we have sex. She allows me to do anything to her anus except anal sex. She told me that it is so painful to take a penis up there, and anal sex cannot give her any sexual climax as much as vaginal IC. She has never had anal sex before. I believe that I am the 1st one to do fingering and rimming to her in her life. I think the main issue here is that she cannot overcome the fear of the pain. That's why she doesn't want to give it a try. She scares of any pain so much. Since I knew about it, I have never raised this topic directly again. I just keeping doing anal play only. I don't want to put any pressure on her. Recently, I can put two fingers up there while she is cumming. She can accept it, but I know it is still far away from taking a penis. She hasn't been ready for it yet. As you said, it always hurt for the first minute or so. It is so difficult for her to overcome the fear. We are an asian couple. I believe that most member here who said they enjoy anal sex are western gals. Another interesting topic I want to talk about is - western gals can enjoy or at least accept anal sex more than asian gals?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 9:30am

Hi, ivan.