Older Boyfriend Trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2012
Older Boyfriend Trouble
6
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 1:15pm

I have an older friend, about 15 or so years older, to whom I'm attracted very much because of his manliness. Well, I thought so anyway. He got it into his head that he'd like me to "dominate" him. For example, right away he brought me all sorts of "Dom lingerie" and implements, including a harness and tool outfit that makes him, he says, go nuts when I wear it. It's not just looking at me either. He asked me to do all sorts of things, which I did, of course, they were harmless enough, and I admit I enjoyed some things and did get excited enough to be satisfied, but to be honest, I am not the Dominating Type, I guess. I'd rather he were more like the man I thought I initially was attracted to. I can guess how far this dom thing might go since we're neither married nor is he hurting for money; now he's talking about having another threesome (we've had several already) and, worse, my playing a real bitch with him (I'll let you imagine) whereas, truly, at heart I just want to love and take care of someone, not play a role for hours of a mean mean nasty woman who likes cheating on someone and hurting them. If he weren't so obsessive about it. If once in awhile were okay, then he'd find me willing to do all sorts of things new and different, but I can't stand his unrelenting insistence. I'm about to tell him it's over and to get lost. I wonder if any other person has experienced this kind of thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2012
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 1:27pm
I think I would tell him to get lost too. If it's not what you want you probably almost feel forced to be someone you're not. You know he can pay someone to do those things to him. He doesn't need to drag you along. Good luck
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 1:44pm

  Just tell hum how you feel.  Tell him that you want to play your fantasy.  Tell him it is only fair for him to play his part in your dream.

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Sun, 11-18-2012 - 7:56pm

The question is are you in love with this man? I've always found that men are like children when they find omething new they like they want want want it. Then after awhile it will die down Try talking to him and if he is dead  set against doing things your way too then he is not the man for you.  I wish you all the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 11-29-2012 - 10:54am

I wonder if you've tried sitiing him down and actually communicating with him what you'd like and not like in this relationship.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-1997
Wed, 12-19-2012 - 8:59pm
Agreed ^. Be open and prepared to be objective.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2013
Thu, 01-10-2013 - 7:03pm

I hate to say this but I would move on.  Attraction to someone is very important, but so is sexual compatability.  If this wasnt about sex, but hobbies etc or things most people look for in other people when trying to find a relationship you would mentally think something along the lines of ...great guy Im so attracted to but we just dont have the same things in common...and then you would move on.  BUT, because its sex, alot of people assume that eventually they will just come around to their way of lovemaking.  Teaching someone some fun new positions or a new technique is one thing, but he is into some serious advanced sexual practices that probably arent just going to go away or disappear.  I would be friends, and then find someone who matches your sexual prefrences alittle bit more.