Opinions please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Opinions please!
18
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 12:40am
Ok...I was cybering last night with my threesome partner and suddenly we could not stop desire...he jumped into his car and "snuck" over...we had an awesome evening, two hours of the best sex and talking and kissing and snuggling I have had in ages. My DH has given permission in the past to be alone with our friend, but only when he knows prior....
I am afraid to tell him, I don't want him to be so mad that we stop this, and I don't want him to feel hurt because I didn't let him know before hand...he works nights and I cannot call him at work except for emergencies....should I let this one time slide or should I tell him? I need opinions!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 7:22am
Without knowing more about what your relationship with your DH is like, and how he's likely to react, the only advice I can offer is that if I were in your shoes I would feel the need to come clean. Keeping secrets in a marriage, expecially about something like this, just seems like a really bad idea. Do you think you can explain it to him, just like you did in your post, emphasizing that it wasn't something you were planning but events kind of got away from you, without him getting too upset or angry? Perhaps this would lead to a discussion (sounds like one might be needed) about how you and he think you should handle a situation like this if it should arise again in the future?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 8:05am
Good advice Steve. Sounds like it might be time to re-evaluate the rules in this situation.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 8:10am
Have you been alone with him before?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:04am
So I've been thinking about your situation a little more (mostly because I've been up with my kids since the crack of dawn, and I have no life LOL). Again, this is without any knowledge of what your relationship with DH is like or how he's likely to react, but it seems to me that this is the type of "goof" that might be likely to recur in the future? If so then I understand that DH might be hurt and/or upset right now, but it's one thing if you confess right now about a one time event, that you didn't plan but events got away from you, and you're feeling guilty about it and came clean right away. How much more hurt and upset do you imagine he'll be if this does happen again, and you tell him in 6 months (or worse, he finds out for himself) that you've been sneaking around with your lover behind his back for several months?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 4:48pm

I agree with Steve.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 1:04am
Well, the problem is that we HAVE discussed what is ok if we want a spur of the moment "encounter." My Dh has been wishy washy on it...saying it is ok sometimes, and better wait for the three of us at other times. Dh knows that we cyber, and that we are best friends, and talk a lot and have a lot of contact with each other..other than sexually. (the three of us are best friends) He and I have met several times alone, with my Dh's permission, and actually dh has left the room and let us have at it alone too. He is VERY into this...sometimes I think it turns him on more than me! DH is the one
that wanted this, arranged it, we both have set up our meetings, and everything has been ok...I just was unsure...I did talk to him more tonight about what he thought of it without telling him I had already done it, his only concern is us getting caught, it would be devastating to all of us, being as where we come from and knowing each others families etc....After talking to DH I feel re-assured that he is ok with it other than that factor.. so I think I will wait awhile then tell him about it. I don't want him thinking I am irresponsible for risking getting caught....we were perfectly safe but Dh is paranoid. LOL Another thing is my DH knows how much I am attracted to our friend, we really do talk a lot about all of it, he knows that sometimes I want to give our friend more because he goes longer without! LOL He wants me to please both of them and I just need to get over the fear of telling him about doing this one time without his knowledge.
I will do it and let you know what he says.
Thanks for the responses...I appreciate the opinions :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:14pm
I think that if you haven't told him .I would keep my mouth shut and dont say anything at all. Or you may want to tell him and just tell him. That is awsome that he tell you you can have a 3rd party . That is what I wish my husband would say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 6:50am
I personally think honesty is the best policy. Just explain exactly what happened. If he ever found out and you had not told him it would be far worse..and I would think that would end it before this would. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:39am
I told him last night...he was mad....but only because of the getting caught thing! Otherwise it excited him and he wanted to know all about it! We had a quickie before he went to work because it turned him on so much! LOL Thanks for the advise!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:55am
Im glad you decided to tell him and i'm glad it worked out!

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