Pushy hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Pushy hubby
12
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 12:04pm
Does anyone else have this problem or feel this way? Sometimes when we three(Dh Lover and I) get together, my DH will push me towards my lover or "advertise me" in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. Lover and I have talked about it and he said he can tell when I am uncomfortable and will not do anything to make it worse. I feel comfortable when I take the lead...not when Dh tells me to do something or pushes me into it when I am not ready. Dh and I have talked about it and I told him how I feel, but somehow in his over zealous excitment he keeps doing it. Should I just go with the flow and accept it as part of what we are doing or keep trying to tell DH how I feel?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
In reply to: onehotmama66
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 7:45am
From reading your post the impression I get is that the two of you entered this type of situation without talking about it fully and the two of you did not establish any boundries. Obviously you are trying to get your hubby's attention that he pushing you in a direction that makes you uncomfortable and for whatever reason he is not picking up on it. Before this situation becomes destructive I recommend the two of you take a break, work on your relationship, and then decide if this is something the two of you want to participate in again. If the two of you decide to try again I would recommend start slowly with boundries, and 'safe' words to let the other know what is happening is making you uncomfortable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
In reply to: onehotmama66
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 6:43pm

~I know he isn't having problems sharing, he wants to share me too much when we are together!! He'll keep offering without asking me or even talking to me about it at all. ~

Do you know if that is totally healthy? The fact that he is trying to share you so bad seems like he is "pushing" you even before the act begins. Why does he want to share you THAT bad? Do you know if he likes sharing you because of some domination/control/sex object gratification thing? Some couples are into that, some arent, but both you and your husband must have the same motives for wanting to open your relationship up.

~He'll say things like "how bout another round" and grab at me or something that tends to make me feel cheap,...I am not in this to be cheap and sleazy...~

You're not, but do you know if he is? Maybe it is a kinky sexual fantasy of his that he might not want to admit or something. I dont think he wants to make you out to be cheap, but maybe a little sleaze/naughtiness is what he wants?

~I simply enjoy giving pleasure to my two guys. The only two guys that are important to me. ~

Well again, I will say that he seems eager to share you, but his motives for sharing you can be different. I can believe that he is VERY eager to share, but that is not always a good thing.

~I cannot get rid of my lover or "our third wheel" he is the only one I would have and I know our time grows short, and I want it to be a better experience than Dh is making it.~

You cant get rid of your lover? Well, that ties your hands a little. If you cant get rid of your lover, try the "easy" solutions everyone suggested, like firmly stopping your husband at the first sign of the poor treatment. Be firm, and do it often. If he still cant stop, or if he gets upset because of it, then there could be deeper issues at work here that even HE doesnt know about. At that point, I think you should start asking your husband the really hard/deep questions and really get to the bottom of the behavior.

If you have told your husband repeatedly about it and he still cant change his behavior, then there might be more serious forces at work here.

Good luck!

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