Should I be concerned?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Should I be concerned?
17
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 1:37pm

Last night I had a little too much wine and went to bed before my husband. I woke up about a hour later in the middle of us having anal sex. When I woke up he just started kissing my neck and manually stimulated me to orgasm before he came. So it's not that it was an unplesant experience it's just I feel kind of weird and maybe used. When I got up this morning I saw the lube out on his night stand so I know it wasn't a spur of the moment middle of the night thing. I just keep staring at him today and wondering why he didn't wake me up first. We've had anal a few times before so it's not like he needed to sneak it in on me. Maybe it was some kind of fanasty of his. I guess I'll have to talk to him about it or lay off the wine in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2012
Thu, 10-04-2012 - 8:33am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2012
Wed, 10-03-2012 - 6:35pm

I second the male opinion. That is weird and disturbing. Wife or no wife, he should have had consent, even though you had done it before. He obviously has some scary underlying thoughts/personality buried. If he had a sleeping fantasy, he could have said "o hunny, i have this fantasy, can you pretend to sleep" etc.. Justifying that it would have been the same if he had woken you up and convinced you is BS. It's a tad bit the same as a rapist justifying that his victim would have enjoyed sex. Granted, you are married and the former metaphor is an extreme exaggeration, youre not a sex slave so of course youre going to be weirded out and feel used.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2011
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 1:54pm
She said "input"....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 11:43am

Lise,

Thanks for the update. so you said what you needed to - and he knows how you feel -  and you are over it.  That should be the end of it if you are in a loving mutual relationship.  In my opinion, you are not blowing it out of proportion. One poster here said that hearing the other point of view was an "eye opener".  Hopefully your husband's eyes have also been opened and you can return to hot, consensual sex permanently.  Ivy

 


 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 11:02am

I have an idea.  Maybe he will get the idea Go to an adult toy store, buy a huge dildo, I mean HUGE. Hide it on your side of the bed. Ply him with his favorite libaation, let him pass out. Role him over on his belly.Take out your new toy, lube it up, and slowly work it in and out of his virgin ass. Reach around and stoke his cock as you work that big dildo in out of his ass. When he wakes up say. "I thought you would enjoy this since you did it to me. I thought I would return the favor honey, you know I love you"

 

Karam is a !

 

male65401

 

 


resize2.jpg image by Roy5k2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 9:06am

Ok, here is a man's takes on this. I find this disturbing! He had anal sex with you while you were unconscious, while under the influence of alcohol. It is one thing to arouse someone who is asleep for sex, by touching, kissing, foundering, oral sex. Some women way even have issues with this.  of course what man would don't want to wake up getting a BJ.

But to have anal sex with you while you were sleeping. What if you did not wake up? What if it was the next morning when you woke up feeling a tad bit sore?What would your thoughts be?  Was I raped last night. I don't remember having anal sex last night, hmm maybe I did.  What going to happen the next time you have some wine? Can you trust him now. What else has he done to you while you have been sleeping?  How do you know he did not slip something in your wine!

I am not some prude when it comes to sex, I am more out there then some men when it comes to sex.But I feel what he did was wrong. You should be concerned. Unless this was some kind of role playing fantasy

 

Male65401

 


resize2.jpg image by Roy5k2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:03am

You can't help what your response is, and is sounds as if you are uncomfortable.  It really doesnt matter what other people like. 

About 6 years ago, a friend of mine confided in me that this happened to her.  It pissed her off and hurt her feelings.  I think she told her husband, but she remained angry awhile longer.  She also felt used and weird.  Who wants to live in their own home, feeling like that could happen if they let their guard down?  

He needs to know how it made you feel. Dont make excuses for him - you have no idea what he was thinking.  Ask him what he was thinking and tell him that it seemed "premeditated" with you passed out/sleeping.  Tell him that part creeped you out. 

I think its best to "get over it" once you talk about it.  Even if its just briefly. Otherwise, he may think it was totally cool and it could happen again in the same way.  How would he feel if he woke up with you shoving something in his passed out a** and an open bottle of lube on the dreesser?  ok... well... maybe he'd like that, lol.  Maybe once you talk about it, you can discover THAT fantasy of his and make it happen, lol. 

Ivy

 


 


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