So, tell me.....

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
So, tell me.....
4
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:39pm

SO.....I read this:


Have you ever had sex with an ex? Share your experiences by casting a vote in our poll!



Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:46pm
mmm...oops, forgot to answer my own question.


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Registered: 08-08-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 11:13am

Yes, I have had sex with an ex lover(Bobby). We were together for 6 months when I was 17 and he was 18. I had to break it off with him because of my Dad threatening to 'throw me out and cut me off'. For months afterward, he would drive by my house and we would look longingly at each other. It was heartbreaking. Then, he just kind of disappeared for 14 yrs.

Bobby called me up in '98 out of the blue. He had moved to Oregon, started a family, and had a successful design company. I told him about my life, which he seemed to already know about. Apparently, his sister had been keeping him informed all those years. He was coming back because his Dad had died. He said he'd call me when he got in town and we could make plans to get together.

I had told my DH about Bobby long ago. We talked about maybe them meeting each other, but DH said he thought I should just go alone. I was upfront with DH that if one thing led to another, I might not stop it. We talked some more and he assured me he would be okay with it.

I met Bobby at the Pizza Hut that was our hangout so many years ago. When we saw each other, it was like I was 17 again and he was that same 18 year old young man. It was weird, but wonderful. We sat and talked for about an hour...in between eating our favorite thin crust all meat with black olive pizza, of course.

He took my hand and held it across the table. Then, he asked me to go to a hotel with him. He knew I was madly in love with my DH and I knew he was madly in love with his DW. We spent 2 hrs together in the hotel room. It was amazing!

When I got home, DH asked me if 'something' happened. I said yes, then we hugged and I told him that he(DH) was the love of my life. End of story. We've not talked about it since.

Oh, but Bobby and I email one another once in awhile. He's still happily married and will soon be a Grandpa!

To answer your questions...
Yes, it was well worth it! I reconnected with someone I had lost and most people don't get to do that. I have absolutely no regrets about it. If DH had had any reservations about it and I had done it, maybe there would be regrets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:38pm

My story is similar to secretagent's.

My first real love and I would bump into each other - with our families in tow - every few years between '83 and '03. He was always the 'what if' in my life. He is a great guy, but he had a drug problem that I couldn't cope with back then. So, I dumped him. Unceremoniously and tactlessly. I was 18 and didn't know how to do it better than I did, but that's no excuse. I broke his heart. But I never stopped loving him and he never stopped loving me.

Fast forward to fall of '03....I left my husband (I was having an affair) and THAT SAME WEEK I ran into ex at a bar. Well, one thing led to another, we had a long, deep kiss, and it was wonderful. Better than I remember, which is saying something. Unfortunately his wife walked in just then.

We spend the next few months running into each other in our small town's night spots, but as I was involved with SO and he was married and I was only separated after all, I tried to keep my distance. That didn't work too well, but we held things to just kissing.

Then, suddenly, I had an epiphany of sorts and I needed some clarification and some closure on some things in my life that only he could provide. So...over the course of many weeks we were going to lunch and talking through a lot of stuff. Then we met for drinks a few times, too. After two months of this, we finally slept together.

And it was better than I remembered. Again, that's *really* saying something, because I had it built up in my mind and I felt *sure* the reality couldn't possibly live up to the memory. But it did. It was wonderful. We both cried; the connection was so real and, in many ways, so right.

But, the guilt got to me. His wife is a harpy and a shrew. On a good day. I have NO doubts that if she found out, she'd leave him and threaten his relationship with his son. He lives to be a good daddy to this boy and I would NEVER stand in the way of that. But even though his marriage sucks and his wife is less than wonderful, the reality is, he IS married. But, even more importantly to me, I couldn't do that to SO. He gives me free reign to do whatever it is I feel a need to do, but I just couldn't do it.

So...once again....I had to say goodbye to this man. It hurt almost as much as it did the first time. But, just like then, it was the right thing to do.

Maybe when we're each widowed and in our 80's we'll connect again.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 4:37pm

I had an on-again off-again thing with my ex for years.