Still Struggling with Sexual Fantasies

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2014
Still Struggling with Sexual Fantasies
4
Wed, 03-26-2014 - 9:22pm
Hey all, Brand new here. I'm male and 60. I've struggled with pornography ever since I was a child and my online role playing and cyber-sex came crashing down on my in April of 2001! I thought my family life was over and that I'd end up alone, divorced, and my only child (son now 21) never speaking to me again, so I hit my knees and asked God into my life! It has been a tremendous journey ever since. My wife honored her vows and forgave me and stuck with me, and my son did the same as well! I will eventually post my testimony here, but now I'm looking for some common ground to deal with an issue I've struggled with all my life. Through 12 steps and Christ in my life, I was able to walk away from pornography and 99% of all sexual immorality. Praise God!! There is only one area of my life that I still struggle with and it is two specific fantasies that haunt me from time to time. My mother gave birth to me when she was 17 and she has a sister who is only 14 months old than me. Every since I was a child, I've had sexual fantasies about both mom and my aunt, particularly my aunt. I assumed they would dissipate with age and especially becoming a Christian, but they have not!! It's very frustrating and I really would like to overcome this somehow. Yes I've prayed and prayed and it has helped some, but I even often have dreams about my aunt even though the dreams and fantasies always depict us as young adults, not the ages we are now! Trying to play psychologist, I've often wondered if maybe the reason they seem to have hung on with me all this time, is because they are fantasies that I know would never ever come true, today, or even back when we were all younger and more susceptible. Somehow I feel safe having those because they could never become real??? If anyone struggles with anything similar, please PM me. It's really the only deliberate sin that I struggle with as a Christ follower and would really like to put it behind me! Thanks and God bless, Lee
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2002
Mon, 03-31-2014 - 3:51pm

Like you I am a Christian (Catholic) male and I too have been struggling with pornography and other sexual issues.  I sometimes think of sexual activities with women that I know or see.  I tell myself, I can't even think about it.  I have tell myself that my sexual thoughts should be limited to my wife and doing things with her.  Fortunately, my world hasn't crashed down around me, but I am actively trying to leave that world.  I pray daily.  I try to get to confession when I can.  I involve myself in activities that make me focus on non-sexual things.  It is a slow process, but with help, you can do it.

CH

PS. you can PM if you want to talk more about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2014
Sun, 05-25-2014 - 4:02pm

I am not sure you have a problem. I am the same age as you but porn is just entertainment. Your aunt is just a fantasy. Fantasies are part of your sex life. I have many fantasies but my wife and I have been married 41 years and there is no danger of that ever ending. I look at porn and have an active fantasy life. Don't put yourself down and do not bring Christ into this because a healthy sex life has nothing to do with your personal relationship with Christ and God.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2014
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 3:05pm

I went thru the exact same thing as you did and my word quickly crashed around me. My fiance (at the time who is now my wife)found all my on line chats, emails and websites when I left my laptop logged on. What a nightmare worse day of my life bar none. The pain and trauma I went thru and put my family thru was unimaginable. As a pay back of sorts I guess my wife decided to have an affair and describe it in detail, film it and send it to me when I was deployed to Qatar in 2008. It didnt have the effect on me she was hoping for and truly In my mind at the time I was turned on by it. I tried a 12 step program but they are hard to find and at the time I wasnt ready to commit fully to a christian based program. I have had moments where Im over it but mostly still struggle with my addictions and go behind her back. I dont think Ill ever fully break the habit. I also have has incestual fantasies about female family members and that was the premise for most of my porn and erotica searches and addctions. Still is and liek you its a fantasy I cant get out of my head

iVillage Member
Registered: 18 hours ago

Being a christian man please don't read my post about my aunt becasue it is sexually graphic although very true. Although my aunt was 20 years old, some things happend im my young life that triggered a deep desire to be with her sexually. I still fantasize about being with her. I am 49 and she is 69. Those desires and fantasy's were somewhat dormant during my 22 year marriage but have resurfaced with a vengence since my divorce, which by the way was no fault of my one. She had an affair with a coworker and eventually married. Anyway, I feel for you because I am you at least as far as this fantasy goes. I used to be a godly man but my faith and spirituality took a hit when my cheated. Do you feel like if the opportunity presented itself would you make love to her. In my case I would, my desire is that strong. Hope I don't offend you by that comment but it is true. I wish you the best with your struggle.