stop thinking about ana
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stop thinking about ana
| Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:15pm |
suggestions on how I can stop thinking about anal sex during vagina sex? I am trying to quit because she doesn't like to try it nor talk about it, but it's becoming like an obsession.

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There will be some who say that pursuing something you want that your partner is not interested in is "selfish sex". I sometimes struggle with combatting the apparent logic in this argument. The only thing I can come up with is "if it's reasonable and you have dedicated your all to your spouse, why not at least consider it and experiment at levels that are comfortable for you." But then comes the comfort aspect...
Should we now respect the comfort levels of our spouses? I have read about that over and over again. And we have seen that the discomfort zone has such a huge range for people. From not being able to utter a sound to the concept of having a third person involved. Personally I think the one thing we owe our spouses (in all matters, not just sex) is to understand why we feel the way we do about a topic and why our position is important to us. For instance, one spouse wants a 3rd child, the other just says no. Is it not disrespectful to not at least hear out the wanting spouse? Do you not at least examine your own feelings and the justifications for them and weigh those against both needs and see if they still hold enough weight to be the prevailing and final decision? The same relates to sex. This is why I don't buy purely into the "No means no" edict without explanation. It is too tainted. It is leaving them in the dark...and that is a dangerous place to put your spouse. We do owe it to our spouses to try and provide what we can to the other without losing our own identities. And perhaps in the midst of all this reshape ourselves into richer personalities...to grow. Not just stay who we are alone. Otherwise, why get married?
Very well said, talbed, you elaborated on the thoughts I was trying to get out. I agree completely with your statement :
We do owe it to our spouses to try and provide what we can to the other without losing our own identities. And perhaps in the midst of all this reshape ourselves into richer personalities...to grow. Not just stay who we are alone. Otherwise, why get married?
I cannot imagine telling my DH "no" with no reason or explanation. I have even explored sexual "adventures" with him, that I hated with other people, but no two lovers are alike, and how you are committed to them changes everything. Several things I used to hate with other lovers, I LOVE with my DH! It comes from a different place when you are com mitted and married.
Nobody likes to be nagged, talbed.
I agree with you and my latest post here was really a silo response to Really Sings and more in a general tone and not totally related to the original post here (that response earlier in this thread made my position on the original post pretty clear). There has to be a level of acceptance a giving in every relationship...and all I was saying is that comes out in loving conversation and not hard lined responses, or demands. Both need to continually re-examine their lives as they grow together. All the comments I made were couched with the understanding of a healthy, loving relationship, not one that is torn with 'secrets', hard-headedness, unhealthy addictions or thoughts, etc.
And if there is traumatic abuse in a person's past and that cannot be communicated in a relationship...is that relationship worth anything?
Edited 9/19/2006 1:28 pm ET by talbed
I will not try it and as a matter of fact, I asked my DH for a divorce when he asked for it the 2nd time because I felt he was not respecting my boundries or my feelings. So if he wanted that kind of sex,or what ever notions porn migh inspire, I was prepared to let him go so he could have what ever he was seeking as he would NEVER have it with me. She has every right to deny entry/penetration of her anus and IT'S NOT SELFISH. This is obviously not for everyone. Don't tell me that I have to try it before I say I don't like it. I know I will not like it simply because I don't want it.
If something was a flat out "no - not gonna happen" I wouldn't ask again. Nor would I expect or request a reason why. I think that is just a sign of respect for your spouse.
DW has on occasion asked me my fantasies and I have told them to her and even written them down. Some have been "Not gonna happen" responses...then I remove those off my list of fantasies with her. Honeslty if she is just doing it to please me it wouldn't be very good anyways.
Other things she has been open to and on special events has explored those fantasies with me. Most the time they are good but only happen that one time.
If my DW came home with a large cucumber and said she wanted to insert in my anus I would say no. I would get mad and pissed off if she just kept following me around waving it at me asking to do it. I've never had a cucumber in my anus but I know I wouldn't like it.
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