stop thinking about ana
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stop thinking about ana
| Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:15pm |
suggestions on how I can stop thinking about anal sex during vagina sex? I am trying to quit because she doesn't like to try it nor talk about it, but it's becoming like an obsession.

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OK I am a sometime lurker and rare poster here....but I find this thread interesting (being married to a guy who has trouble explaining the "why" of various likes and dislikes....)
Sometimes we just don't know why something does not appeal to us. Or why something does. I don't like peas and will never eat another pea. DH will not touch tofu. No need to explain to each other why this is so.
I think sex, like food, is very basic and cannot be analyzed too much. We all have likes and dislikes.
So, to go back to a sexual example: Anal does not bother me at all, I find anal to be very erotic. However if my DH asked to urinate on me, or asked me to urinate on him, the answer is a flat-out NO. Why? I don't know.
Golden showers are a turn-on to many, urine is sterile, it washes off, etc. etc. I have had no abuse in my past related to this. There are a lot of arguments for this sexual activity, if someone wants it, there really is no harm, right? Probably a number of people on this board enjoy it.
But there is no way in h*ll it will happen in my house, and if DH were into it and would not accept a simple "No, it is not a sexual turn-on for me and in fact disgusts me," then we would have a serious issue on our hands. And my interest in sex with him would surely take a hit.
No sometimes DOES mean no.
I think context is everything.
I seem to find here and on other boards that the really happy couples approach all matters this way...and everyone does not get their own way. Nothing like a mutual decision in a marriage to make it stronger than any bond on Earth!
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Exactly!! Thank you. I can't even count how many men I've seen in my lifetime turn three shades of white and get practically violent over the idea of anything being stuck up their anus. Personally, I think it's why many of them get so violent toward gays. Interesting that so many men think that their women are supposed to jump up for joy in having something done to them that they themselves find abhorrent.
I just wanted it to be clear that I am not in that camp of "you do it, but no way in heck will I!" I would never ever even think of presenting anything to my lover I haven't researched some, thought about and, if I could, experiment with by myself, or that I wouldn't do myself. So perhaps I am the exception to the rule and perhaps that explains some my positions stated here.
Danidi...yours too is the exception to the rules that I live by as well. That is the exact wrong environment for any kind of sexual development and it made me very, very sad to read about your situation. I really hope things turn around for you one way or another! Huge hug.
If you really care about pleasuring her, forget the anal, and go for the things she does like. You're reward will be a willing partner, who is willing to try other things if she knows you respect her wishes.
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