what do you do when...

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
what do you do when...
47
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 12:39pm
your partner just isn't responsive to your needs, or doesn't even notice(or ignores, most likely)


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 4:51pm

Now, I am sure you are not like this at all, but I'll tell you a little bit about what it's like from a wife's perspective. When I was married (especially the last few years of the marriage) I never wanted sex. I almost never initiated, and I basically just watched the clock and waited for it to be over when we did have sex. Now, why was that? because I was treated very poorly outside of the bedroom. My ex hardly ever spent time at home (always out with buddies), did absolutely nothing around the house, and the only time he ever paid a shred of attention to me was when he wanted sex. I was completely exhausted from working, taking classes, caring for the house and yard by myself, and caring for our son. Ex used to say there was something wrong with me, I should go on medication to increase my sex drive, etc. It turns out I didn't need meds....I needed a divorce. Once I met my SO, my sex drive came raging back, and it never left.

To make a long story short - do you think your wife is happy outside the bedroom? I'm not justifying her behavior...just giving another perspective.




Edited 7/2/2006 6:56 pm ET by justiceandtruth
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 5:14pm

.......... in comes SO.

After I had kids, I've worked hard for this body. Yoga/pilates, watching what I eat, 5 cups of water minimum, and if he's not going to appreciate me? I'll find someone who will.

I'm not begging for sex or attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 6:14pm

I get grumpy and hide in our room until he comes and asks me WTH my problem is lol.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 9:35pm

It has happend too many times. It makes me feel upset, and not attractive. The last time it happend my feelings were very hurt. I decided that it was not worth the trouble, so I do not even try any longer. I have a BF.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:08pm

This question reminds me of some very rough times in my marriage. There was a time that I did not feel wanted, needed, craved by my DH. After years of that it made me look elsewhere. I found someone that wanted me, needed me, craved me, looked forward to every minute we had together. But I think I was failing DH also at the time.

It made me feel like I was only here to meet his needs. I recall saying that I'm only a maid, babysitter, cook and plaything... only here for his pleasure. It was not a good time in my marriage. I'm not sure how we got past all of that, but we did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:27pm

This doesn't happen often, but when it does it is usually because DH has a lot going on at work. That is usually when I take on a new project.

Eventually DH will make a comment like "Whoa, when did this happen/change" and I retort with something like "Well, I needed to do something with this pent up energy." We usually talk about what's be going on and things seem to work out on their own.

When I asked Dh about this ?, he said that he thinks it's cute when he catches me "pouting" for being un-noticed. He said that is usually his clue that I am probably in need of some more attention from him.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:37pm

It makes me feel like I am not 'home'. It is the greatest feeling of loneliness.

I don't buy into the theory that after a decade or even 3 that the craving naturally diminishes...a day does not pass when I do not catch a glimpes and experience the same craving I had 16+ years ago. This usually happens like 3 times a day. Until recently my DW thought we had the perfect marriage. Of course she did...I made her feel like a school girl everyday of it! That is what we all need.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 4:00pm

"Until recently my DW thought we had the perfect marriage."


talbed, did you recently tell her that you're dissatisfied and needing more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 4:14pm
I guess recently is relative...yes, about 1 1/2 years ago. She made an effort but she even said upfront that she was afraid to fail and lose me. And people find comfort in time...usually called complacency. It's ok though...nobody wants forced 'craving' do they? Time to take up hunting with my other buddies in the same boat (hmmmm, so I guess that would be fishing wouldn't it? LOL)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 4:31pm

"And people find comfort in time...usually called complacency."


True!