What do you teach your kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
What do you teach your kids?
22
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 2:49am

Hi. I was just wondering, with your lifestyle and all, what do you plan to teach your kids about things like sex,porn, masturbation, etc..

One of my ex-girlfriends (I'm a lesbian), lets call her J, mother actually taught her how to masturbate when she was 16. Not just the "talk", but J actually got naked and her mom showed her where to put her fingers and how to achieve an orgasm. J's mom watched her have her first orgasm. They were pretty open about it. J's mom would sometimes masturbate with the door open. J would to. When me and J were dating her mom would actually let me sleep over, even though she probably knew if on the ocassion I did, I'd probably be having sex with J. Most people have trouble letting their heterosexual kids have sex in the house, she let her lesbian daughter do it! J was 16 when her mom started allowing this stuff. Before that they talked about it, but they never saw anything.

She even gave J a few porn videos and magazines so that she could get off whenever she wanted to. Of course she made sure it didn't become an obsession, but they were so liberal about it. Js mom told me once she didn't want her daughter to grow up thinking sex was something to be ashamed of like she did.

How sexually open are you around your kids? Would you ever masturbate in front of them? Would you let them masturbate in front of you? For those of you that have daughters would you ever teach them how to masturbate? Of course this is considering that they're old and mature enough for it to be consensual.

May sound like wierd questions but considering your open lifestyles, what would you want for your kids and what you would teach them.

Edited 5/26/2006 2:50 am ET by wildgirlss




Edited 5/26/2006 3:02 am ET by wildgirlss
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:49am
I would never ever masterbate in front of my kids. What happens in my bedroom is very private. We have focassed w/our kids on feelings and have left the door open to any questions they may have about sex. We have discussed w/them how they can talk w/us about anything. We have also puchased a book for our daughters that is in the American Girl series called the care and keeping of you. It talks about bodies and changes in their bodies and what to expect as they get older. Our kids do not know of our Polyamory lifestyle. They know we spend a lot of time w/what we call the other half of our family. The kids all call each other sisters and brothers. And we all work together as a team...like one family. But we are not openly affectionate w/our other partners in front of the children. THey are too young to carry that much weight on their shoulders. I'm sure someday when they are older and mature they will know. Until then...what we do behind closed doors is none of their buisness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:54am

lol sorry if I sounded mad. I guess I misunderstood you. Sorry about that.

"Also, you mention the age group being late teens. From most of the posts I have read, most late teens are sexually active, engaging in intercourse, or at least oral by then.
Would you see value in this being either demonstrated to the teens by the parents or taught in detail how to do it. (as opposed to high level guidelines around STD's and contraception)"

Well thats basically what I'm asking here. As I said I used to think it was wierd, but now I'm kind of leaning on acceptance. You're right that most teens are having vaginal and oral sex. Sexual curiosity is one of the biggest reasons teens have sex and do anyway. They'll just end up learning from someone else anyway. And for girls if they use something dangerous. Why not the parents teach them or show them? They have more experience.

Our society is becoming more liberal, why not consider it?

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:59am


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 8:59am
I agree with you on this Lil'M. I think physically showing them or watching them is way over the line and a good way to have your children taken from you and you end up in jail. Talking to them about it and being open about it is great...but beyond that it's just wrong in IMHO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 9:12am

Well if they're minors then its probably a bad idea. Late-teens they're still minors but they're probably mature enough to know if it makes them feel uncomfortable or not.

How about once they're over 18? Would it still be a possibility or would you still never consider it?

I'm kind of in the middle in all of this. I don't have any children so I can't really say. I was caught by my dad once an it was real embarrassing. I'm not sure how I would feel if he caught me again or if another family member saw me since I'm pretty cautious about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 9:20am
I wouldn't matter to me what age they are. I would never do any sexual activity in front them nor would I be interested in watching them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:13am

Hi Wild

Personally I wouldnt want to see my parents masturbate nor have sex. I suppose its due to the conservative way we were brought up where there wasnt any family nudity either.

If i had to stretch my mind and lean into it, I would say that perhaps I would be able to watch an older sibbling masturbate or have sex. (for education purposes naturally)

Whats your thoughts on that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:29am

I don't think I'd be comfortable watching them have sex. But I think I could handle seeing them masturbating. I don't have any older siblings but I do have a cousin and close friend who are practically like sisters to me. I've seen them naked. The friend taught me how to maturbate! I've seen them masturbate also. So yea been there done that lol.

On the two threads I read it was interesting that some peoples kids actually know that their parents masturbate, even use toys! Well if thats the case then why the reservation on watching or being watched by them? Especially if they're adults and mature enough to handle it?

I'm not endorsing it, just wondering.

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 10:34am
My kids know I have sex too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 11:02am
I can tell you as a boy who was molested as a kid by siblings...all in the name of love and teaching...it's all wrong and all bad!!!