what do you think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
what do you think?
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Tue, 11-21-2006 - 8:40am


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 9:59am
are you asking from the female or male point of view? I think a lot males go through the 7 yr itch sometime, like in their late 30s to late 40s???

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 10:32am
I think I went through it, when I was 30.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 11:52am
I wouldn't put a timestamp on the 'itch'. However, does the combination of the wedded bliss period, the building of a home, the excitement and stress of kids, the new adventures together via travel or other have an excitement shelf life of about 7 years...perhaps. After that, struggling through it and succeeding, is it another 7 years? 3 years? Or do then personal milestones like 30'th or 40'th birthdays serve as reminders that life is short, goals are falling to the curb, etc. I think those that have a real zeal for life may fall into this easier, but those that discover new things about themselves and find themselves with a partner that prefers the recliner chair will really find themselves in danger. The progression of life naturally seems to serve to tear a couple apart. Those that cling to each other can find magic, but, there have been some that have found that scratching that itch provided them a life they would have never expected. Interesting topic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 12:51pm

I think there's

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 2:16pm

Yes. In fact, I think there has been some research into it. For example, see the excerpt below taken from a larger study on swinging generally. The full report is found at: http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

Developmental models of marriage have also been useful in explaining swinging as a solution to crises in relationships that occur in all marriages. According to King (1996) one of the things that normally occurs in a relationship leading to changes in how we interact with our partners is sexual habituation. At approximately three to seven years into a marriage, it begins to take increased levels of stimulation to produce the same level of sexual excitation previously obtained by a glance or a simple touch. A couple that is receptive to new and different sexual experiences will begin to explore different avenues of shared sexual fulfillment in order to continue to grow together. At this stressful point in marriages infidelity increases and the divorce rate peaks. Couples who find a way to reconnect physically and emotionally are more likely to make it through this period. Swinging may be one creative solution to the problem of habituation – it provides sexual variety, adventure, and the opportunity to live out one's fantasies as a couple without secrecy and deceit.

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 7:31am

That's interesting,



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 11:20am

I'm sorry. I must have missed the point of the question.

I don't think that a "seven year itch" necessarily implies crisis. I agree that a relationship "in crisis" is not right for opening things up--AT ALL!!

My point was that there is (I believe) some empirical evidence suggesting that sex becomes routine for many couples in the three to seven year range of a relationship. Sexual routine tends to create situations where one or another of the parties to that relationship may consider discarding the emotional relationship in favor of a more exciting, and perceived more satisfying, sexual relationship.

I don't think there is any question that a large percentage of the population is engaged in serial monogamy--moving from one partner to another as the sexual excitement abates in a relationship. Divorce and re-marriage rates amply evidence this fact. I think it is interesting that the average period of monogamy for these serial-ists roughly tends to be about five to twelve years. I think that this anecdotally supports the empirical evidence. I personally question whether a large percentage of these relationships are victims of an instinctual human desire or human need to seek sexual excitement in a variety of experiences. I doubt that anyone is going to undertake a serious examination of this question because the possible answers are so contrary to modern western culture and religion.

But, as I have written in a variety of locations, I do think that society does us a serious disservice by conditioning us to believe that love and sex--that is emotional desire and sexual arousal--necessarily and inherently follow one right after the other. So, for couples that recognize that they love one another very deeply but understand that they still need or deeply desire more sexual stimulation than can be had in a completely monogamous relationship, non-monogamy seems to me to be a better answer than serial monogamy. I, personally, think it is far easier to find a lover than a life-partner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 11:18am

Congratulations on the quitting smoking!! So, how did you do it? What's your secret?

As far as the 7 year itch goes, I don't believe in it really. I just think that at this time of the year 2006, women are just more empowered then ever. I don't think too many people these days stay togehter, b/c of the kids anymore (men & women) We can now be the provider, breadwinner, single parent, career oriented, or whatever else we want to be in life. I believe that our 'support system', as women, has exponentially grown over the years, and that women in general are overcoming stereotypes, as far as what is now socially acceptable, like lesbian relationships or women in the church etc etc.

That is what I think. What do you think?

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 11:36am

Hi!




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 11:47am
I don't know about everyone else but I found with both my long term relationships that in the beginning I was the one holding back on committing, then I settled into them and about the 3 or 4 year mark I just got this feeling of being tied down. Like I was missing out. It passed without too big a deal but think it probably has the ability to strike when things get a little stale. This is my longest relationship at 12 years but imagine that over the course of my marriage I will get those feelings again. But you have to focus on what you do have and not what might be. Is the grass really ever greener?

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