When did you discover..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
When did you discover..
11
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 2:56pm

your appetite for sex?

Where you young or after you were married?

If it was when you were young did you hold back until you were married or let loose early?

If it was after you were married to you look back and think of the opportunities you passed on?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 3:44pm

When did you discover..your appetite for sex?

Where you young or after you were married? Fairly young...I'd say after my sex talk from my dad when he gave me a few of his Penthouse mags for "training materials".

If it was when you were young did you hold back until you were married or let loose early? It was not until just before meeting my now DW that I took the plunge. I had these grand illusions that sex in a trusting and loving relationship was the hottest and best...at least that is what women said. I learned later that many give it up more and hotter in those other situations that make them feel naughty as well, not like a loving wife. (jaded you think? live a year in my shoes and hear what I have heard)

If it was after you were married to you look back and think of the opportunities you passed on? All the time brutha...all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 4:29pm

I had a lot of sex when I was young, but it wasn't so much an appetite for sex as it was an appetite for affection.


I discovered a true appetite for sex with dh when we first got together.






~ Jazz


co-cl

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:11pm

I understand! I think a lot of people who have sex when they are young do it looking for affection. DW heard somewhere that when young girls don't have a strong relationship with their father they look for affection from other males by having sex. DD and I are very close and spend at least one afternoon a week to ourselves shooting hoops, shopping, doing father/daughter dinners.

I started very young (I was youngest of 4 so I heard about sex early). My next door nieghbor was a sexy girl the same age as me. We experimented togather starting in the 4th grade. By the time I got to 7th grade my Dad had is own company and they were closed on Fridays so my parents went to the lake house on Thursday nights and my brother and I would either come up Friday or stay home. In high school I had the house to myself from Thursday night to Sunday night and had lots of fun (I miss those days - young, money, no responsibilities to speak of).

My senior year I started looking for more experienced women and started looking for older women to have sex with. That's when I actually discovered the true joy of sex and how it is when your both reall into it. My girl next door and I had great times all the way through hight school moving out into public sex and threesomes but athat was because we were so comfortable with each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:31pm
Light bulb reignited here! My wife had a very distant relationship with both her mom and dad...no affection whatsoever. She was likely seeking it with guys before me and thus quite wild (garnering all the attention/affection/validation she could) and then when she found me she resorted to what she knew as a husband/wife relationship...more distant and non-sexual and I likely took on a father figure status making it worse (?). Actually my therapist spit out the same thing following that up with "these are long roads to travel and I don't often see the kind of results you are looking for in these cases. I have to become something entirely different than her "husband" for me to see the other side of her that exists." Great...
I did explain this to her and she half agreed and half didn't. The part that disagreed was the part that realized how much of a mindset shift was needed and not wanting to go through that pain and effort...and I can see that in just the simplest of intimate actions...that it is effort and she does not pursue it since it kills her mood at the same time.
I always learn something here...good or bad.
And I am so not the father figure either! LOL that's the kicker! I am just a big kid!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 5:59pm

One of my best friends is going through this now. His DW and he had fun but never had IC during until they got married (she was a virgin). From all the play they had he expected lots of sex. Just the opposite happened and she frankly didn't care if hey had sex. After seeing a therapist the playing they did before they got married was to intice him and help land him. Then once she was married she fell into the roll of married wife that she always saw her mother as. It took a phone call to her mom and asked her to talk about sex with her. Once she understood that sex was a healthy part of her parents relationship that completly changed her desire and she saw her parents as a couple not just mom and dad or husband/wife partnership to run a household.

DW had a simular hang up in the fact her mom always told her sex including masturbation was bad. She got over the sex thing except for trying new things and is still shy about using toys and has not maturebated but once in her life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 6:07pm
When I was 15 I REALLY wanted a boyfriend, but more for someone to hold hands with and go out with, than for sex....I had friends but none than were "boyfriends" until I was a senior in high school.
At about 16 I discovered purely accidently how to masterbate LOL :-)
I always wanted to wait til I found the right person to marry before I had sex and I did it!! My DH was the only one I had ever been with til we started our trio life over a year ago.
I never look back with regret that I waited and wasn't wild sexually. I am proud that I waited and am glad that I didn't take up some of the chances I had.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 04-03-2006 - 6:20pm
painful flashback...I heard those words once from DW "I did it to land your commitment"... when I asked her about the direction we were heading in dating and why it dropped off totally and all the enticing words of "I'll try ANYTHING" never materialized once I committed my life and soul to her.
man I'm getting sick of this pity party I have going here! time to focus on the fun life has to offer!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2005
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 7:28am

your appetite for sex? my serious appetite has just happened in the last 7 months

Where you young or after you were married? after I was married

If it was when you were young did you hold back until you were married or let loose early? When I was younger I don't know why I liked having sex...I never had orgasms..didn't even know what they were until much later in life, and still didn't enjoy sex as much as I do now. I truely believe it is because I wasn't in tune w/my own body, and I was hiding who I really was..for fear of letting loose.

If it was after you were married to you look back and think of the opportunities you passed on? yep!

Avatar for cl_littlemascara
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 8:52am
I agree, I had a lot of empty, unfulfilling experiences that left me feeling used and hurt, I didn't discover what sex could really be until I met my DH.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2006
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 9:10am

I agree totally. I had a very bad experience when I was about 17 and it stayed with me for a long long time. I have been with DH for years now but its only recently I have discovered how to enjoy sex without having the occasional flashback to the bad experience I had.

DH has been extremely patient over the years but I am now in my 30's and very sexual, probably want it more than he does, thoroughly enjoy every aspect of our lovemaking whether it be a "quickie" or a long, passionate session and love to be spontaneous.

Just shows if you persevere it all works out in the end.

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