Where has my sex drive gone?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Where has my sex drive gone?!
23
Mon, 09-11-2006 - 9:26pm

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get it back??? I'm starting to aggravate myself... I know my DH has to be aggravated, but he's being wonderful with me.

In a few short weeks I have gone from wanting sex 2-3 times a day and masturbating at least that many times a day to trying to psych myself up for sex at least once a week for DH. I don't want it... I have NO desire for it. I have to tell myself that once it starts it won't be that bad. WTH?!?!?! This is coming from someone that used to ALWAYS be horny. Another thing that's irritating me is that I used to be able to orgasm so easily and have several with hardly any effort at all... now I'm having a hard time orgasming and the number has come way down. I've lost ALL desire for reading erotica, cybering, phone sex... I swear I almost feel prudish. I don't think any of it is wrong, I just don't feel like it's for me lately. Any ideas what's going on? The only thing that has changed in my life is that I'm trying to eat better and working out a lot.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:12pm

I guess I should go talk to him. I HATE going, though! LOL! And I worry that he's going to order a ton of tests again.

I know you don't have to have a reason to be depressed. I have heard for years that there are so many people that have it worse than me so I need to just be grateful for what I do have and be happy. So, when I do get down like this, I hear that like a scratched record in my mind. And then I feel guilty for feeling the way I do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:13pm
Oh yeah!!! I love, love, love your avatar! My jaw dropped when I saw it this morning, lol!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 1:38pm

I know, I know -- you're talking the choir here! I didn't want to go either but now that I know that all of my tests are negative! That's good! Even though on the outside "I" think I am dealing okay with everything, apparently on the inside I am not!


And yeah, there are people who have it worse than you and BETTER than you but you know what???? THEY AREN'T YOU!!!! So when someone says that to you simply reply with - yeah, you're right but they aren't me! AND don't you dare feel guilty for feeling the way you do!!!


If need be I'll ask NG for her soapbox today and start preaching about this! You don't want me to do that!LOL

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 2:00pm
LOL! I don't think we need the soapbox. Thanks for all of the help. I do think I'll make an appointment. I don't like feeling this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2006
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 2:06pm
YES!!!! I knew that would do it and I expect a full report afterwards!LOL

 

 

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 3:38pm
Thanks Caroline! It's nice to know that what I am feeling is fairly normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 6:28pm
OMG I think I am going through the exact same thing.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 09-12-2006 - 7:13pm
I am sorry to hear y'all have been homesick lately, JL. I hope we all pull out of it, too. It did help a lot for me to talk about it today. Here and with two close friends that called today. So, I am feeling a little better. Although the hurricane I'm drinking might be calming me down a little.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 2:09am

Hi bayou,


It definitely sounds like it's stress-related.


I just wanted to pipe up about the pill.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2006
Wed, 09-13-2006 - 7:28am

Hello,
I haven't posted on the board in about two weeks so "hello!" everyone. Earthenangel, I think me, you, bayou and CL-Newbie are all experiencing a little of the same thing lately. In my case though, my libido isn't necessarily gone, I've just been a little stressed out and under the weather so I can't make my body do what my mind is imagining! Everyone has given great suggestions as to what the issue could be, whether it's BC pills, anti-depressant meds, stress, weight gain, ect. I've had a lack of energy as well and I know some of it is due to the fact that I haven't taken my B-vitamins in about a month or longer. I always notice a difference in my energy level and overall feeling of wellness when I don't take my vitamins. Also, sometimes it's possible to psych yourself out when it comes to sex. This happens with hobbies and other interests as well (some people do see sex as a hobby, lol). You can indulge yourself so much and spend so much time concentrating on a particular activity, that you just grow mentally bored and tired of it and just need a break--your mind will perform this mental type of "spring-cleaning" from time to time--but once again this can be brought on from meds, and depression.

It's easy to immerse yourself in something that you love and enjoy, but with everything, moderation is key. Some eastern philosophies teach that over-interest or indulgence in sex or sex-related activities, though fun and exhilarating at the time, can be the major cause of your aversion to sex later, and cause you to view it with disdain. I think there is some validity to that line of thinking. You'd be surprised how many young men and women I've encountered in my practice who have been celibate for 2 years or more because they feel that they just had too much sex or exposure to it in high school and college.

I am a HL individual and I've gone through periods myself where I felt like I had little to no interest in sex. It normally lasts anywhere from a couple of days to a week for me, but it doesn't happen often; however when it does, I get a little worried too, lol. I think everyone has their own trigger for what causes this. For me, it's having sex just for the sake of having sex without any real emotion behind it, or exposing myself to too many adult movies or erotic literature. When I have sex it has to have some feeling and emotion behind it...not to say that we can't role-play or act certain scenarios. I can't just mindlessly have sex with my husband--being that where we just solely get horny off of watching a porno or reading sexy literature. I need to feel love and some sort of connection or I lose interest; in other words I need to make LOVE--this isn't difficult though because I look at sex as being synonymous with love in my relationship.

Most erotic media doesn't make you feel as if there is a connection or spiritual aspect to sexuality, even the ones that are more mellow and "romantic" fall short in this area--but then how much connection can you hope to capture from two adults that are being paid to "perform" an act of love and intimacy where there are no strings attached after it's over? If me and my guy have been in the habit of watching too many porn movies or reading too much erotic literature, and just getting aroused from that, then I can find myself getting a little bored & desensitized to sexual arousal, and not even seeing the point in making love--basically, during these times there seems to be no real mental stimulation (looking at too much sexual media can leave me numb to the of sex at times), only physical and that feels incomplete to me. Afterall our sex lives shouldn't be modeled after "sex goddesses & sex gods" who claim to have 10 sex romps a day and orgasm just as many times daily or the media we expose ourselves to. We should just take what will be instrumental in improving our sex lives and the quality of sex that we have, but we shouldn't forget to let our sex lives still be our own and not what we consider the life of a pornstar to be. Imitating someone or competing with a certain ideal of how you should behave sexually can grow tiresome and become disappointing because everyone has different factors weighing in on their personal lives that can directly effect what's happening in the bedroom--we all tend to go through phases in our lives where our libidos are higher and lower at certain times. A pornstar has sex for a living, but contrary to popular belief, some aren't interested in sex off the set and don't even bother to take their sexy persona home with them.

However, I notice that I never get bored when we have sex and derive pleasure just from stimulating each others bodie's and getting sexually aroused from one another's physical assets rather than with the aid of a sex accessory, be it video, toy, or whatever. Sometimes you just need good old-fashioned sex to put the spark and "oo" back into the taboo aspect, lol! This is just my opinion. I know some of you may disagree, but this phenomenon has happened with me and I pretty much know how to handle things now when this situation occurs. Also, for those of us who love sex (I'm talking about myself too), there are other things to life than sex!, lol. If we make this the center of our attention and the main focus of our thoughts all day long, then disinterest in the subject can most likely occur at some point. When I'm on the board posting, yea I have sex on the brain, and I even take some of the thoughts and suggestions around in my head throughout the day, but I make sure that it's not my main focus, even though at times I'm tempted to make it so. I don't want to make it too common place, because the more taboo or limited a subject, the more enticing it is, and it makes it all the more exciting when I finally get to fulfill my fantasies in the flesh--self-discipline is the word that comes to mind now.

Anyway, I've also heard of increases in the frequency of exercise routines lowering one's libido, because all the energy that you would normally spend getting amped sexually gets used up with all your physical exertion--swapping energy levels like Star Trek. Wow, I can tell when I'm under the weather--I talk a little off the wall. Anyway, hope everything returns to normal for you all and myself. Good luck, bayou. BTW, in this post, I wasn't trying to accuse you of being addicted to sex or anyone else on this board--because I haven't seen anything to make me believe that any of us are--in fact I'm not really even talking about addiction. I'm just putting it out there about what can happen, but that doesn't mean that it did happen, or that it will! This is just a different idea to entertain as to what could be causing your problem. **Caroline**, I really liked your post, you gave a good explanation of how young women's libidos seem to have a rollercoast effect throughout different times in their lives. Have a great day, guys.

Chakra




Edited 9/13/2006 8:06 am ET by ayurchakra

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