why men marry........
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why men marry........
| Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:52pm |
I have a theory...seems to tie in with some recent threads and I"m a long-time lurker. I see a lot of posts where men seem to be with women that have practically a nil sex drive. I think that men marry when they want to settle down...and they often do not think about compatability, etc. I think men marry because they think a women will be a good 'wife' and do not think about a woman as a life partner or how she might mesh with him when things get rough...etc... You often seee these women as letting themselves go.
Often, men seem to marry women that they are increasingly disenchanted with as the years go by....and they crave what they do not have....
Affairs result. Then divorce.
What say you?
Often, men seem to marry women that they are increasingly disenchanted with as the years go by....and they crave what they do not have....
Affairs result. Then divorce.
What say you?

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I have read and re-read this post...and I just don't think I agree with you. I am now having problems trying to come up with the right words to say why.
I think that both men and women marry as they see the other person as who they could spend the rest of their life with. People change and these changes cannot be predicted. The changes are not always for the better anc could cause two people who were once very compatible to no longer be. Women go through a lot of changes in their lives - both physically and mentally. These are changes that men and even women do not fully understand.
I think when the lines of communication are shut down by one or both parties is when the problems start. There are many reasons that this occurs. And from what I gather from the men on this board, this is what has happened and has put them in very frustrating situations. They are here to express their thoughts and fantasies in an accepting forum, along with some seeking advice on how to change their present situation.
All of this has nothing to do with them not marrying for the right reasons.
Sorry, wicked, I don't agree.
I disagree.
Wicked,
Before I got married someone said something to me that, as I talk to alot of male friends seems to ring more true than not. Sometimes I read some of these posts by some of the woman here and many are hard to believe, like they should be on the fantasy board or something. However this was the phrase the guy told me
" The first year you are married, every time you have sex, put a dollar in a jar. After the first year, every time you have sex, take a dollar out of the jar. He said...you will never empty the jar."
As I said, it seems the more males I talk to, (not all mind you) thing rings true.
Now...why is that?
golf
I have to agree with Jazz and intoit. I dated quite a bit before I met my wife. No real long term relationship because as soon as I identified that the person was not life partner capable for me I broke it off and continued on. I married because the woman I met was almost 100% of everything I ever wanted in a person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Jazz touched on a point that I think is quite accepted in many areas of thought. Women are more complex than men and change more then we do during the courses of life at a more complex level. They also have very conflicting societal pressures on them...way more so than men.
Remember one key element...men are the ones that ask for hands in marriage. They are more in control of the situation of who they marry. Women can hope to be asked by Mr Perfect, but perhaps that doesn't always happens. If anyone settles more than the other, I would venture to say it is women. They may not want to risk not finding that other man that may ask them when someone is asking right there and then. I know I heard from my wife the fear of growing up alone. Did she make some compromises in her mind to make me husband worthy? I venture to say yes...she seems incurably unsatisfied. I do not feel the total desire that someone makes evident when their heart and mind can't think of anyone else. I feel more desire for her today than ever, but its because I thought I found the woman of my dreams. My desire today is more rooted in hope that one day the feelings early on will someday return. The more men I talk to the more I find that their wives changed dramatically. Ironically you talk to their spouses and they will agree "yea, he is still the same old Bob that I married...and that's the problem" Our needs are very simple...we want a woman that adores us, desires us, and shows it to us daily. We want a good family and a rewarding career. We like to have fun as guys do. And that is it. I really feel more women don't really know what they want...and that is not a slam on them, its just a fact of our society and us empowering and stripping them all at the same time. Why do you think stores cater to women way more than men? To act as a quasi quencher of unfulfilled needs...but shopping in the end does not cure these needs..
"Our needs are very simple...we want a woman that adores us, desires us, and shows it to us daily. We want a good family and a rewarding career."
That's all I want from my husband and from my life too.
Well said.
This was the best comment I read so far. Sometimes a guys needs a kick in the butt. Someone sent me some humor I will attach below, It's called Guys Rules and is very appropriate for this conversation
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note?these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
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