why men marry........

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2005
why men marry........
29
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 10:52pm
I have a theory...seems to tie in with some recent threads and I"m a long-time lurker. I see a lot of posts where men seem to be with women that have practically a nil sex drive. I think that men marry when they want to settle down...and they often do not think about compatability, etc. I think men marry because they think a women will be a good 'wife' and do not think about a woman as a life partner or how she might mesh with him when things get rough...etc... You often seee these women as letting themselves go.
Often, men seem to marry women that they are increasingly disenchanted with as the years go by....and they crave what they do not have....
Affairs result. Then divorce.
What say you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 5:30pm
Perhaps it is one or the other... I know that since I have stopped doing as much around the house that DH is getting a whole lot more in the bedroom(and outside, too for that matter). And he is definitely happier! Which makes me happier!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 5:48pm
a very nice cycle all started by leaving a few things lie around the house!!! the answer is so simple...it's genius!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 5:53pm
LOL, it is genius! My DH even told me today not to do too much today so I'd have energy for him tonight, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 6:09pm

Well I'm glad to hear all this, because I'm not one to vacuum unless it really needs to be done, I never iron unless it's absolutely necessary, I hate gardening with a passion, and my washing piles up until it really needs to be done and takes all day to do lol.


This means I have plenty of time for sex unless my research is exhausting me

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Fri, 07-28-2006 - 11:03pm

My DH and I lived together for a year before we got married. During that time we couldn't get enough of each other. We had sex at every opportunity. Before our wedding, the church insisted that we attend their marriage counselling program. The only thing I remember during those 6 weeks was the Pastor saying to us "The wedding is as good as it gets". I remember feeling a bit offended by that because, then (17 years ago), I could never have imagined that our sex life could ever be less than what it was. I could never imagine not wanting my DH and not being as in love with him as I was then.

I learned really fast that the Pastor was absolutely correct. The fairy tales all end with "...and they lived happily ever after." In real life, there's no such thing. Marriage is hard work. Perhaps one spouse or the other (or both, horrors!) loses their job, financial hardships put a huge strain on a marriage. Children come along and the freedom that you once had, sexual or otherwise, makes it difficult to keep the spark alive. Women go through many hormonal changes that affect the relationship. Men seem to go through mid-life crises. Being constantly tired from raising children, managing a household, juggling finances, holding down a full time job etc. certainly puts a damper on your sex life.

I learned that you and your spouse have to be totally committed to each other on every level - (friends, lovers, parents) in order to handle all the different challenges marriage throws your way. We went through quite a few years where our sex life was almost non-existent because I felt that I was spread too thin - responsibilities at work, managing a household, looking after the needs of my children; even the cats needed my attention! By the time I got round to seeing to DH's needs, I felt there was no more of me left to give. A few months ago, we almost separated because of it and I realized that I MUST make time to not only satisfy my DH, but see to my own needs that I had put aside for so long. I had suppressed my sexual desires and fantasies for so long, I didn't even know where to start. Thank goodness I have a German GF who set me straight. I stopped suppressing my desires and made an effort to make love with my DH a priority. That's why I joined these message boards - to "spice" up my marriage - and I'm glad I did.

You're right. A lot of couples forget why they fell in love in the first place, and what attracted them to each other. It's much easier, after a certain point, to simply leave and try to start again with someone else. But that's not the answer - the problems will just follow you to the next person, and it brings a whole new set of problems - step-parenting, etc. Sometimes it's as simple as wearing a mini skirt with no panties and opening your legs a little. My marriage has never been better. I am fulfilling fantasies that I never dreamed I would - we have sex in the backyard, on our deck, in the living room with the blinds open - I would never be able to do that with someone new. Or maybe I would, but it would take a while.

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