Advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2012
Advice...
7
Wed, 10-24-2012 - 11:24am

Hi all

im needing some advice on how to approach we hat is a delicate situation. My ex who I was with for 5 years was very experimental and sexually charged/fun (as am I). We experimented in 3somes, toys, outside sex etc and it was amazing!

my new partner who I love to death is very straight and is confined to the bedroom and traditional sex. Nothing wild or different just the normal stuff week in week out. Has anyone else had this issue? I really do love and are for my partner but I think sex and the feeling of excitement together is important. Can anyone help? 

To give you some context; porn is awkward, no chance of anybody else touching either of us ever, it has to happen behindo closed doors, can't talk about it with others etc.... Help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
In reply to: amante21
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 10:21am

There is nothing wrong with having fantasies!

I'm not sure the escort service is the way to go.....maybe just have the fantasies for a while, and explore in your mind. Then after a while, maybe you will start to see that there is a person or persons you like. I would think the experience would be better for you with someone you knew and liked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2012
In reply to: idkwhoiam
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 4:45am

i need some advice.....i have fantasies of being with another woman. i just want to see what it is like. i am married and have children. is this wrong to want this? i just want to see what it feels like. should i do like an escort service? i dont want to be caught and i want to do this on the DL. am i wrong for wanting to this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2012
In reply to: idkwhoiam
Sun, 11-25-2012 - 4:45am

i need some advice.....i have fantasies of being with another woman. i just want to see what it is like. i am married and have children. is this wrong to want this? i just want to see what it feels like. should i do like an escort service? i dont want to be caught and i want to do this on the DL. am i wrong for wanting to this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
In reply to: Dos11
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 2:03pm

youre going to have to introduce her into it slowly

start by being the dominant role as a lead partner and slowly introduce verbal abuse talk , hair grabbing ,lite spanking,

plant scenarios and make her fantasy nervous system rattle

buy her new outfit or 2 and tell her you want to see her dressed in it introduce wine and some sweets and then make sure when you have her in the mode seduce her like a lady but treat her like a little slut, bend her overeat her ,play with her , tell her what you are picturing let her understand that you care for her at the same time youre using her for your pleasure and thats ok...

hope that gives you some direction...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: Dos11
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 9:42am

Have you tried talking to your partner about your concerns? That's where you have to start. As if they have any fantasies, or each of you write down three things that you would like to try, swap lists and discuss everyone that is written. Decide which ones to keep and put them in a hat. Once a week one of you pull one out and it has to be acted out.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: Dos11
Mon, 10-29-2012 - 2:47am
In my experience you have to talk about it eventually. You will have to take the lead, slowly and vanilla at first. Moving onto more sensitive topics as things progress. You will have to take some small calculated risks (like introducing toys) and judge the reaction when you do it (if its toys, introduce the vanilla toys, like a smallish plain vibrator, first!). If you partner isn't taking the lead then they then they WON'T ever. You need to do it. They will slowly open up and you will map out the boundaries. Don't stay with them assuming that things will get more exciting and more adventurous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
In reply to: Dos11
Fri, 10-26-2012 - 9:36am

Can you talk about it with your partner though? Maybe start slow? I definitely know exactly how you feel, if that's any consolation!