Can a relationship focused on sex be a good thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2013
Can a relationship focused on sex be a good thing?
7
Tue, 03-26-2013 - 4:16pm

If you were a single woman, maybe dating or involved but nothing too serious, would you consider starting a short or medium term 'romance' with a man just for the promise it would be about your orgasm and/or learning pleasure techniques for now and the future?  If you knew a married or seriously involved woman who complains a lot about her sex life, would you recommend she get 'treatment' or 'therapy' from a professional male where the sessions might include sexual contact with him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2013

If you're having a sexual relationship with anyone other then the spouse you are married to, then that voids you're worth as a married individual. It's funny though cause most people want to be involved with someone sexually other than their own spouse and to me that's totally unfair especially if you have children. If you got a bad relaltionship/marriage with your spouse and counseling doesn't work then why "cheat" ? In the end you might be paying for your sins through your children. Think about that. For some reason throughout history "cheating" always has had it's repercussions depending on the person. If you just want to pursuit a sexual relationship as an extracirricular activity with people then go right ahead, but (K)now this...you will be just as valuable as Lil Wayne's newest CD on ebay.......

http://www.sensualaura.net/uploads/014b.jpg

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007

I don't suppose it is "good" or "bad" per se. It's someone else's life, so I feel I can only say what pertains to me. Hell, if you want to be technical, I never said in my vows that I wouldn't be with someone else sexually. And you know what? It isn't always a bad or unhappy marriage that has "cheaters."

I guess my point is that I feel like someone else's situation is their own, and they just need to be happy with their own deicsions and be good to themselves and their family in the end, and it isn't my place to say someone cheating is right or wrong. If there is a woman out there who is a great mother, shows affection to her husband, takes care of her family, and somehow finds herself writhing with pleasure in somone else's bed, who am I to say that is wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006

If the woman and her husband/partner agree to an open relationship that it's all good. If this woman is just going to cheat on her husband/partner, that's not a good thing.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2013

 That certainly puts a different spin on it. In that type of scenario I think it would be on whether it is acceptable to both spouses. If you are open with your husband and he fully supports it, than that's between the two of you.   And that goes both ways, btw, the gay husband would have to seek the wife's approval before seeking a sexual relationship outside of marriage.  It's not wrong wanting to be sexually fulfilled, but... it is wrong to be deceitful about it.  

I would like to throw out there though that a marriage without sex or intimacy when both partners desire that is not much of a marriage.  I totally get the children and assets aspect, but children can usually pick up that their parents' relationship is not normal.  Happy parents make for happy children.  

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 10:57am

Cheating will ALWAYS have a stigma. You will rarely run across someone who says its OK to cheat. That's just the way it is. IMHO, at the end of the day, it's whether or not YOU are OK with. I don't think it means you are a bad person if you are OK with it. I think as human beings, we have the capacity to feel emotion for more than one person, it's in our nature. YOU are the only one who can say it is OK. and you don't need anyone's opinion. And, I'm sure I will get crucified for saying so, but, the person you cheat on only gets hurt if they find out..........and, yesm that's a simplified version....

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2013
Tue, 04-02-2013 - 10:32pm

So, I agree about "cheating" being uncool.  however, what if sex with another partner is part of that "Counseling" or more specifically, with her "counselor"??  what if she tells her mate what she is going to do - what she has to do?  As you read posts here, some women find their spouse is gay.  it helps explain the lack of sex and lack of mutual attraction. As usual, a woman that is single or more happily involved with a man will reflexively say "well, get a divorce".  But, typically, getting divorce impacts children, impacts assets, impacts a lot more than sex life.  Thus, again the question would be, when it is not cheating but part of a plan to address sexual neglect and to begin a process of healing and re-sexualization, is it only ever a bad thing for a married woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2013

For a single woman, I don't see a problem with it as long as she's open with her partner that she's looking for sexual adventure and not a relationship. If she is married or in a relationship, than she needs to work on having a better sex life with her partner. You have to communicate that you aren't satisfied or that you would like to try something new. If your partner is not open to this, then it's time to reevaluate the relationship or seek counseling. Regardless of what you call it, "treatment" from a "professional" is still cheating, and that's just not cool.