Determining what to share

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Determining what to share
65
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 3:39am

I've become aware that some fantasies translate better into "real world" sex play than others. Also there are also some fantasies that should stay private and not be shared with one's partner. my gf has the gift of knowing which of her fantasies should be kept to herself, which are likely to be successful and which should just remain fantasies. I'm new to the concept of sharing what's going on in my head that way so I dont always get it right. as a matter of fact the first time i tried to bring a fantasy i'd had into our sex life it was a disaster. my question is, how do you determine if a fantasy is likely to translate well into erotic role play or if it should just stay as fantasy. also how do people decide if something is appropriate to share with their partners or if they should keep it private?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 8:57am
kilroy1964 wrote:

I've become aware that some fantasies translate better into "real world" sex play than others. Also there are also some fantasies that should stay private and not be shared with one's partner. my gf has the gift of knowing which of her fantasies should be kept to herself, which are likely to be successful and which should just remain fantasies. I'm new to the concept of sharing what's going on in my head that way so I don't always get it right. As a matter of fact the first time I tried to bring a fantasy I'd had into our sex life it was a disaster. My question is, how do you determine if a fantasy is likely to translate well into erotic role play or if it should just stay as fantasy. Also how do people decide if something is appropriate to share with their partners or if they should keep it private?

It's already been said, but I believe the best way to judge the success of a fantasy into 'real world' is discussing it in a non-sexual situation (outside the bedroom).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 9:58am
I kow I've been dealing with this.. and been failing at it, partially because of not follwoing Moonlightnroses excellent advice. I think that there may not be much you shouldn't share, but setting the scene, explaining how you got to the fantasy, etc might be important.

I knwo when you explained the fantasy you want to try in another thread, I thought you explained it very well, letting us know where the idea and feeling came from, what the boundary was, and that you werent' sure if it would work in real life. I think that kind of similiar explanation in a sexually neutral setting could help, and am planning to try that.

Also, I hope, placing it in the context of.. I've thought about this.. and not .. "Pleeeease let me do this", liek you are doing, is important.

I'm curious as to how it works out. I would love to be physically dominated by my wife.. but I don't knwo that I kow how to properly explain it, or that she has it in her to do so.. or to understand it isn't some kind of mental illness :)

Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 10:06am

I just had a thought

I can't recall the exact title of the book, but someone here may be able to come up with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 11:54am
My favorite part in Disney's Beauty and the Beast :

Gaston: Nafu I'm afraind I've been thinking...
Nafu : A dangerous past time...
Gaston : I know...

I hope we can find that book. And in ebook format ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2006
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 12:54pm

LOLOL!

Yep, that's the way it goes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 2:48pm

your advice makes alot of sense. i feel kind of stupid about all of this. normally i've got a decent head on my shoulders but when it comes to the relationship with my gf i've screwed up so many times over the course of our friendship that now that we're finally together as a couple i really want to get it right. since we live 400 miles away from each other it shouldn't be a problem talking outside the bedroom. she's comfortable with talking about fantasies in bed, usually after we've finished doing the deed. it's usually starts as "hey you know what would be cool?" which is something she's been saying to me since she was 8 but back then it involved evil knievel stunts, not dressing me up as a pizza guy and her wearing a school girl outfit pretending to be a babysitter lol.

Photobucket "If we cannot
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 3:03pm

also how do people decide if something is appropriate to share with their partners or if they should keep it private?

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 3:52pm

Master and I share fantasies by writing erotic stories together. This way each of U/us can explore what W/we each like in a way that is safe and intimate at the same time. If something in particular appeals to one or both of U/us, then W/we'll discuss it and see if the particular scenario would fit into O/our roleplaying scenes. W/we've both learned over the years that just because a person has a particular fantasy it doesn't mean that He/she wants to enact it in real life. That knowledge helps U/us not feel guilty about not wanting to enact something and that a fantasy is something that simply remains in O/our minds or on paper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 7:42pm

Thank you for the reply. in a way it's a relief to know that i'm not abnormal in my concerns and difficulty in putting my fantasies out

Photobucket "If we cannot
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 7:53pm

my understanding after talking about the dynamics of the Dominant/submissive relationship with my brother

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