Determining what to share

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Determining what to share
65
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 3:39am

I've become aware that some fantasies translate better into "real world" sex play than others. Also there are also some fantasies that should stay private and not be shared with one's partner. my gf has the gift of knowing which of her fantasies should be kept to herself, which are likely to be successful and which should just remain fantasies. I'm new to the concept of sharing what's going on in my head that way so I dont always get it right. as a matter of fact the first time i tried to bring a fantasy i'd had into our sex life it was a disaster. my question is, how do you determine if a fantasy is likely to translate well into erotic role play or if it should just stay as fantasy. also how do people decide if something is appropriate to share with their partners or if they should keep it private?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 4:55pm

Actually that's a good way to approach it. i sometimes worry that my gf is going to think my feelings are based totally on sex because we're all over each other most of the time when i go to see her most weekends. but before we got together we'd both been celibate for long periods (me: by choice for 5 years and her: not by choice for 13 years). add to that being hot for each other since adolescence and it having been 16 years since we hooked up and you have a recipe for a two-person orgy every chance we get lol. so i've been trying to mix it up and do things like take her out for non-sexual activities and then tease the hell out of her while we're out. she's loving my levi's this weekend btw. she took my son and I to see Thor last night (for Father's day) and that was really cool. i think women, no matter how sexually charged they are, appreciate being flirted with and teased a bit. after all, sex is just as much psychological as it is physical IMHO.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 3:40pm
I would initiate alot, but I think its mostly unwelcome when I do.. but showing I want her but dont "have to have it" all the time makes her feel more wanted than instead of a place to put my penis..

I dunno..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 11:34am

I get what you mean! My gf is much less shy than i am when it comes to sex. Even being in a relationship with her I still stop short of actually initiating alot of the time. She says i'm a flirt and a tease. but

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Sat, 06-18-2011 - 1:07am
I like to think i'm a romantic.. So lately I've tried to be very touchy/feely/kissy even, but not initiate much in the way of sex, just make naughty/flirty comments. I think she appreciates it.. I still feel.. nervous sometimes..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Fri, 06-17-2011 - 4:28pm

it isn't so much about being needy as it is about keeping your emotional

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 9:08am
We aren't quite old enough for the sleep over stage yet. Not Complaining, just mentally working out logistics :)

I'm finding it interesting lately that i've really been very emotionally raw lately. I'm a very controlled person, very.. slow to anger, patient, thoughtful, and generally, tilting at windmills :) So fairly optimistic.. But since the libido switch got turned back on in her.. I'm finding I'm starving for affection.. Not even sex really, just being in the same room, preferabbly with some physcial contact, even if its ankle to ankle, and connectiing in a personal way, whether its talking or playing a game, or even (gasp! I feel old) reading in bed together..

It doesn't help that she seems to get lately that some intimacy does also involve near naked cuddling, a good long kiss every once in a while, the occasional flashing of boobs, or even just a quick nibble on the ear and the words "I wish we were alone right noooowwwww"..

But it still floors me how kind of vulnerable and almost "needy" I feel now, just for the time we spend.. in a meaningful way. i'm not sure it was ever quite like this...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 5:51pm

Nothing wrong with that, as long as you both are having fun.,

oh yeah you'd think so until she's chasing me out of the house with a broom lol. but yeah she'd think i was sick if i wasn't a little ornery ::smileyvery-happy:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 4:26pm

Nothing wrong with that, as long as you both are having fun.,



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 11:02am

What you wrote here is probably the most wonderful and romantic thing I've read in a long time. You don't know how happy I am for the two of you. Please always be true to and take care of each other.

Oh believe me i've learned from my screw ups. we both feel really lucky to have found our way back to each other. i've never had anyone be as good to me as she is and i do my best to be good to her. it's just that she brings out this devilish streak in me

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 06-15-2011 - 8:49am

That's just it, the feelings have been romantic between us from day one. moreso on my part really because it took her some time to warm up to me. but as my mom says "we had a very strong reaction to each other" from the second we made eye contact. i know most people think that love at first sight is a myth and logically i would agree, but that's what happened. i thought girls were annoying and for the most part i was a quiet kid and wasn't much of a tease. i got teased alot because i was big for my age and my lips were a little big for my face (thank God I grew into them) so i only had two good buddies (my gf's nephews). the day i met her my mom was visiting my gf's sister and i was watching tv with my gf's nephews. they were excited that there aunt was coming to visit. when my gf and her mom walked in the door i got tunnel vision. she was in jeans and tennis shoes, had this long wild hair, was carrying a skateboard and was the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen. i wanted her to notice me and i became uncharacteristically devilish and began teasing her. she glared at me and told me to go away or she was going to hurt me. i wanted to kiss her and she wanted to strangle me. go figure. i won her over though. my mom took pity on me after my gf dumped a glass of toxic waste (aka buttermilk) over my head and told me that she'd been told that my gf was a sucker for strawberry ice cream. after that she let me call her my girlfriend and put my arm around her. :smileyvery-happy: things got ambiguous when we hit puberty though. lots of things unsaid between us. we still held hands and during the summers when I'd visit, all of us kids would sleep in a tent out in her brother's yard. my gf and I always just unzipped our sleeping bags and turned them into a double and slept in the same bed. we never had sex or anything but we just liked being together. after i graduated high school i moved to her town to go to college. she was a senior in high school that year so i got to take her to homecoming. that was really cool. but I screwed things up between us over the next couple of years and kind of lost her. we never stopped loving each other even though we've had relationships with other people and we've always been very close in each other's lives (her oldest son was born on my 24th birthday and i got to be in the delivery room for his birth and got to hold him right after he was born. it was the coolest thing. that's how close we've been). however, the transition from what we had before to becoming lovers has been, as you said, tricky water to tread especially considering that she was afraid of being intimately involved in a romantic relationship and had decided she was done with love. the hardest part was getting the courage to tell her how i feel. after that i have had no problem telling her my feelings but sexually i've been pretty shy when it comes to talking about it. she's just the opposite.

What you wrote here is probably the most wonderful and romantic thing I've read in a long time. You don't know how happy I am for the two of you.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

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