Determining what to share

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Determining what to share
65
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 3:39am

I've become aware that some fantasies translate better into "real world" sex play than others. Also there are also some fantasies that should stay private and not be shared with one's partner. my gf has the gift of knowing which of her fantasies should be kept to herself, which are likely to be successful and which should just remain fantasies. I'm new to the concept of sharing what's going on in my head that way so I dont always get it right. as a matter of fact the first time i tried to bring a fantasy i'd had into our sex life it was a disaster. my question is, how do you determine if a fantasy is likely to translate well into erotic role play or if it should just stay as fantasy. also how do people decide if something is appropriate to share with their partners or if they should keep it private?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 7:58pm

as a matter of fact the first time i tried to bring a fantasy i'd had into our sex life it was a disaster.

The only way I could see it being a bad time, is right in the middle of it

yep right in the middle of it is when i started sobering up and realised it was a disaster. an orgy so soon in our relationship was a bad idea. at least we can laugh about it. although i do find it awkward when this one song comes on her ipod and she just looks at me and can't keep a straight face. all i can do is make a face at her and say "oh very funny". i'm just glad she has a sense of humor.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 8:21pm

Thank you for your insight. it's very helpful. i would like for my gf to be comfortable

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 8:59pm
Yeah, everyyhing I've ever read,, heard, or thought about group scenes makes me think you really have to be in the right relationship. Not easy :)

And I dont' need the full on sub/Domme thing either.. I'd just love to be able to engage in some roleplay. I'm not built for it as alifestyle.. I'd like to visit BDSM-ville every once in a while, I wouldn't want to live there.. But I could go wild on vacation ;)

I would be willing to let her go to great lengths to dominate/sadistically "hurt" me, but I know my capabilities and I trust her implicitly..

I doubt it ever gets that far, but I'd love a good scene.. ITs so much more mental than phusical anyway.. And handcuffs and strap on anal would be.. mindblowing ;)

Anyway.. Thanks for such a earnest and full reply!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 10:50pm

I do have a question regarding your relationship with your Master. I was told that for both Master and submissive there has to be mutual trust. how does this develop and work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Thu, 06-09-2011 - 11:05pm

Yeah, everyyhing I've ever read,, heard, or thought about group scenes makes me think you really have to be in the right relationship. Not easy :smileyhappy:

well

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2011
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 12:37am
The odd thing is I think I'm often more femine in nature, and I enjoy the sub side of things much more, but her pleasure is what does it for me, so if she wants a Dom, by gum she'll get one. Their are fun elements, but I don't really get the dominant male urges.

And I've experimented solo with a butt plug alot I could take a lot :). But the combo of her taking me that way, restrained and a little rough. That's a keeper...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 12:46am

Thank you again for your insight. I'm interested in experimenting with mild pain and would like to try something like nipple clamps as long as they arent really heavy duty (however i'm a bit nervous about this as well). my gf was more into restraint, sensations and control. she wasn't really big into pain or humiliation. also i noticed something back when my gf and I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 1:30am

Most people in the lifestyle are either Dom/me or sub, but there are people who switch roles, depending on their mood. In my first BDSM relationship my Master was a switch, but I found it very difficult to be a Domme for him.

Despite what a lot of people think, being a male doesn't automatically make him a Dom. In fact, the largest segment of people in the BDSM lifestyle are submissive males.

A lot of people don't understand why pain is pleasurable. Pain is perceived as something to be avoided. There is bad pain and good pain. Bad pain is when you slam the car door onto your thumb. Good pain is getting flogged. It's hard to explain, but I think a lot of it has to do with the situation and how you perceive it. Pain during an intimate encounter like sex causes it to feel like pleasure to someone like me and your GF. Another thing is that the more sexual stimulation I get, the more pain I can tolerate. The pleasure overrides the pain until I can't distinguish one from the other and it all feels like pleasure to me. I understand just what your GF means when she says that she has psychological pleasure from the pain, but I probably can't really explain it to you what she means.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 2:05am

The odd thing is I think I'm often more femine in nature

well there's a theory that every human being has a dual nature and has both masculine and feminine aspects. in the spirit of this theory i've often been told that i seem to be in touch with my feminine side and my gf keeps checking me to see if i have girl parts. however I'm starting to suspect she's just using that as an excuse to feel me up. :smileyvery-happy:

but I don't really get the dominant male urges.

I don't really know if i really described that correctly lol. okay sometimes i think it would be funny to put on a tarzan costume, hit her over the head with a caveman club pillow, throw her over my shoulder and take her home with me but that's not really what i was talking about. i like the contrast of my masculine qualities to her feminine qualities. I'm 6 foot 1 185 lbs. she's 5 foot 3 and can't be much more than 100 lbs. i like how delicate she seems when i touch her. seeing the glimpses of the lacy things she wears under her clothes has been a major source of eroticism since i first

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2010
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 3:36am

Pain during an intimate encounter like sex causes it to feel like pleasure to someone like me and your GF. Another thing is that the more sexual stimulation I get, the more pain I can tolerate. The pleasure overrides the pain until I can't distinguish one from the other and it all feels like pleasure to me. I understand just what your GF means when she says that she has psychological pleasure from the pain, but I probably can't really explain it to you what she means.

okay I think i do understand a little bit better when you put it in the context of the intimacy of the encounter being an element that influences the experience. also i had a very enlightening phone conversation with my gf a little while ago about what we've been talking about and she tried to describe it better. she said to think of it as a big picture

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