Fantasizing about Husband with another woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2012
Fantasizing about Husband with another woman?
10
Sun, 12-30-2012 - 1:59am

Hi all.... new here and I have a question relating to sexual fantasies. I know mine are probably not normal, but wondering if anyone else has anything similar going on and some advice for me...

So I have only ever been able to orgasm by fantasizing about my boyfriends or husband being sexually pleased by another woman. I always fantasize that I walk in on them, and he tells me how much better she is/ feels, etc. I have tried to fantasize about other things, but I can't. This is the only way I can orgasm. And it's really putting a damper on my sex life, because I hardly ever orgasm during sex because of it. It takes me forever and I feel really weird, so I just go without and wait till I am alone. I also found I like being dominated, and have a past history of attracting abusive men. I don't know what's wrong with me. 

I think I was molested when I was young, at least to some degree, because I have some memories of inappropriate touching by a family member, but I don't know how far it went. I have tried going to therapy for this, but nothing really came out of it. I also feel really weird talking to a therapist about my sex life. I feel like I should be able to have sex and have an orgasm without having to have this same fantasy over and over. 

I would really appreciate anyone's feedback. 

Thanks in advance :) 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 11:14am

Just to be sure I understand, you're married and have boyfriends? Not that it really matters.

Have you talked to you partner about wanting to be dominated? That would be the frist thing I would suggest.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2011
Mon, 12-31-2012 - 11:26am
You read into this stuff too deep!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2012
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 3:38am

I've had the same fantasy I think its normal. As far as being dominated I think that is also a  nortoads especially if you are like me and are responsible for making decisions to the household. You are normal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2011
Mon, 01-07-2013 - 1:28pm

theres nothing wrongwith you

you just need someone to help you live your fantasies thru

you need a strict dom to dominate you and have you open up slowly and if done right youll figure out that the orgasms to cum are real and so much more intense,

good luck , its possible just explore safely.

Avatar for annie66
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2011
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 4:32pm

Just my two cents worth but I think it's normal to fantasize about other situations while having sex.  When I was a teen, I had a huge crush on an older man and when I'd have sex with a boy  I'd close my eyes and pretend that it was  him that I was having intercourse with. It helped bring me to orgasm. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Sun, 01-13-2013 - 4:44pm
I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds very erotic in a way. Have you told your husband or boyfriends?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2013
Sat, 01-26-2013 - 2:51am

To begin with there is something called the gestalt principle that states that the mind will try to fill in the blanks. In the case of memories we cannot remember every moment of our lives from birth to present. Those blanks we try to fill and with the media, it gives us a rich tapestry of subjects to fill it with. I suspect since you think you were molested because you remember something an you mention a therapist, I am inclined to believe the memory is false.

Moving on to your fantasy, in all respects it is quite normal and I can tell you many women share the same fantasy. The type of fantasy you are describing is called cockqueaning. Cockqueaning is a variation of cuckolding whereby it is the woman who is being cuckold and is made submissive. In your fantasy there is an element of humiiation as a part of being submissive and this is a common for this type of fantasy.

My advice stop trying to analyze yourself regarding what is appropriate and enjoy life. You may find if you stop trying to compare yourself and diagnose yourself then things will look better for you.

Avatar for orsun6
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2010
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 7:10pm

If you think that you were molested as a child, those feelings can crop up at the most  inopportune times.  You should deal with those feelings first.  I suggest you see  a therapist to come to grips with those feelings.  It is not something to dismiss lightly.

It is not uncommon for the victim of molestation to try to distanxce themselves from the sex act.  From there own sex act so as not to derive pleasure. 

 

I suggest you see a therapist to deal with those feelings.

Tom Blair

Relationship Coach

ChangesCoaching.com

Avatar for smallfry349
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2012
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 10:29pm

Although the sad but true part of your past & the molestation you endured is a serious issue that cannot be dealt with lightly,  the Fantasy part of your sexuality is totally understandable & Harmless in my opinion. Just try not to think of yourself as less of a person or undeserving of real Love because of thoughts of other women satisfying your husband.......I, myself am a very strong willed individual to the outside world, but in the bedroom I love roleplay & the role I Love & Fantasize the most about is being the weaker & more docile sexual partner in my marriage & luckily for me I have a caring & Loving Spouse who shares these Fantasies with me & allows me to be myself in the privacy of our own bedroom........

   Cool  Cris


  

  

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2011
Thu, 02-21-2013 - 4:16pm

you can make iot a reality but remember it will nbe hard for him to wanna stop once you open her zipper for him........

you can have intense orgasmsif you roleplay with others

but youre marriage will go with it