Had Foursome - Feel SO Dirty Now! Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Had Foursome - Feel SO Dirty Now! Help
15
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:34am

Hi everyone,


Im new here and I'm here because something happened over the weekend that I've been so ashamed of myself over and I havent been able to stop thinking about it (and basically beating myself up over). I'm 31 years old and have always been strictly into men. While friends and I do go out occasionally and dance together / get drinks, I've never done anything with a woman nor have I wanted to. One of my ex's even used to try to beg me to go with him to swing clubs and I used to get insulted and I never would. Anyway, this weekend, a friend of mine and I went out and ended up at this bar where she had a guy friend of hers meet up with us. He brought a guy friend of his and we were all EXTREMELY drunk. I realize I shouldn’t have let myself get to this point, but it happened and we ended up at my friend's house. Before I knew it, you can basically guess what was happening between all 4 of us. Hardly anything at all happened with my friend and I, but I'm so ashamed of myself because I allowed myself to be with both guys. I feel so used and dirty, I took a hot shower for like a half hour the next day. Also, I remember parts of what happened but not all of it. I do remember making my guy use protection but he kept taking it off and I had to keep making him put one back on. I also remember the guy was drunk so he really couldn’t "perform" (I'm saying this because I think that’s probably a good thing because I don’t remember him "finishing" ever). I do know for sure the other guy stayed 100% protected. The one I was with didn’t "finish" but I'm not sure if he was protected 100% of the time, so now I'm really really scared. I am probably going to go to the gyn and tell her what happened and ask to be checked out, but I feel so guilty and used and dirty now and I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling. I just feel like I did something so bad, so unlike myself and all because I had been drinking because I know 100% if I hadnt been, that NEVER wouldn’t happened.

Jacki

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 10:16am

Don't feel ashamed or dirty about it. Someone like me wishes they could have had something like that happen over the weekend LOL

It sounds like he was protected most of the time & didn't finish. At least you were aware enough to tell him to put it back on whenever he'd take it off.

Get some info from your friend about her guy friend's buddy. Ask about what kind of guy he is etc.

I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 10:40am

Hi and welcome jetsluvr. Nice to meet you. Will you please do me a favor? Fill in your profile so we can know something about you. Thanks! Stick around and jump in anytime. The people here are wonderful.


Now, please don't beat yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes. You need to learn from them. Don't get that drunk where you'll end up doing something again that you'll regret. Just say no.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2007
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 12:40pm

Hey, quit beating yourself up over it. Sounds like you have already learned something here. We all make mistakes, and we learn from them. Many of us, if not all, have one or so alcohol related stories that we are not proud of. It is a part of life, a growing pain if you wish. But the thing is, we learned from them. Just know you are not alone, as we have all been there. You have a good head on your shoulders, so just move forward and don't look back. Please try and keep a positive self image of yourself and I bet each day you will feel a bit better as time goes on.

In the meanwhile, welcome to the board and take some time to meet some great, caring people!!!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2008
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 1:54pm

Welcome to the board... You obviously needed to get that off your chest and you came to the right place.

 



  


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 2:19pm

You have a lot of guts to post something like this the first time on the board.

It's very easy to tell right from wrong.  Wrong is the FUN one.           

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 3:03pm
Oh, muff, darlin', I need to differ with you a little bit.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2005
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 3:15pm

What happened over the weekend wasn't the product of a rational decision on your part. It arose from the situation in which you found yourself while your judgement was seriously impaired. As others have already suggested, you should stop beating yourself up about the experience and instead learn from it to avoid such compromising and potentially dangerous situations.


Of course, I understand that's much easier said than done. Oftentimes, after we have done something we have come to regret, we use the guilt and self-punishment to distance ourselves from what we did. It's as though we think that by deploring what we did and ourselves enough, we can almost externalize what happened and distance ourselves from it. In the end, it doesn't do any good, so we get caught in a spiral of self-loathing. Far better to embrace responsibility for what we have done and work through the consequences without recourse to self-loathing and self-destructive guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 3:34pm

Hi there, jetsluvr...


The hardest thing we have to do is learn to forgiveourselves... and thats difficult... my experience has been that I can forgive others for things they have done to me easier than I can forgive myself...


But... that's what you need to do... you obviously realize that this all came out of a situation of which you lost control...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 6:05pm
You may want to consider not drinking if it leads to this type of behavior. It's just not worth risking your health and self respect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 9:31pm

Hi and welcome to the board!


Echoing the sentiments of the others, we have all done things that we regret. However, you can't un-ring the bell as they say. What's done is done.

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