Interracial forced sex fantasy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2013
Interracial forced sex fantasy
9
Sat, 03-30-2013 - 9:29am
This will sound crazy, but its something thats on my mind constantly...
When i was in college, I was date raped by a black guy. I have never told anyone about it, because honestly it was kind of exciting. Just to be saying "no" like a good girl should, but saying "yes" secrectly to myself.
I was brought up in a very conservative Irish family...so I could never date a black guy here at home.
I am married now with two wonderful children (my husband is white), but I cant stop wanting that kind of "forced sex" again. Just to be TAKEN - specifically by a black guy.
This is bad - but when my husband and I are intimate, I find myself more often than not, just closing my eyes and pretending he is a black guy on top of me.
I find myself daydreaming when I am at the grocery store or something and I see a black guy. I wonder to myself "where could he take me and have his way with me?" I dream about getting pulled over by a black police officer, and him ordering me to do whatever he wants to get me out of a ticket. I was getting my oil changed the other day, and it was a black guy that was working on it. I got so flustered....I kept dreaming about him locking the door so no other customers could come in, and then just forcing himself on me. He was not attrative at all, but I actually found myself flirting with him before I left! About a year ago, I was on my way home from a friends house, and I got a flat tire. My husband called AAA for me, and a guy showed up less than 45 minutes later to put the spare tire on for me. And yes, he was black, and yes - I wanted him. I was able to pull into a small office complex - it was a Saturday so it was vacant. But wow....he has no idea that if he made a move on me, I was his. To this day I wonder what I could have said to let him know "hey - if you force yourself on me, I wont fight back!"
I was at our library, and I parked in the lower level garage parking. wouldnt you know, but a black guy got in the elevator with me for the short ride up to the main floor. My heart started racing...I so wanted him to press the elevator "stop" button and just take me without even asking. I would have let him.
 
I have self-analyzed myself...lol...and I realize that wanting to be forced would be my way of having extramarital sex, but not have to feel guilty for wanting it. It was forced on me, so there was notthing I could do, right?
 
I love my husband dearly...and i would never do anything to hurt him. But this is an obsession that will always probably be there.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2013
Wed, 05-15-2013 - 11:18pm

It sounds like you're conflicted about what happened to you back in college.  You didn't like it, but you kind of did.  There's something erotic about being used (on occasion), but nice girls aren't supposed to think like that. 

I suspect many women share your fantasy about black guys.  They represent the dark side of our psyches in Carl Jung's opinion.  And I suspect (not having a PhD) some of this comes from being a little bit bored with your "nice" in the bedroom husband. 

I like being with black guys myself, or naughty white boys, or white boys who have no idea what they're in for when they meet me and assume I'm sweet and conservative in my sexuality.  So I get that part.  But my best suggestion is you try to loosen up your husband a little bit at a time, step by gentle step. Maybe watch some erotica if not outright porn; try outfits - which some men really enjoy; put the kids to bed and whisper to him while you're doing it that you're not wearing any panties; stuff like that.  See if you can bring out the other side of him, before you seduce a black guy.

Good luck!  I think most guys will respond well to a woman who brings some creativity into the bedroom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2013
Wed, 04-17-2013 - 2:57pm

I would like to add to all the other comments, which I agree with for the most part. Usually in these types of scenarios I would recomment a role playing erotic fantasy. However, you said you tried that and it didn't work. If you have good communication with your husband, and he's willing to be open minded about it, then maybe there is something else you can explore.

Seems that the fundemental kinky element in your fantasy is to be forced to have sex with a stranger. I rather not use the term "rape" because what you are describing is something else. You do not want to be rapped (no one wants to). But the idea of being forced into sex gives you the possibility of freedom. Freedom in the sense that you are not responsible. Whoever is "making" you have sex makes all the calls and decides exactly what you're going to be doing and how. And when he's done, he just gets up and leave. No need to follow up. No complications. Again, this is a core element of your fantasy, and that's why I wouldn't call it "rape", because rape is when your freedom is ripped from you not by choice, but by force. You don't want to be rapped, you want to relieve all responsibility.

That being said, there is another type of fantasy that you can role-play with your husband, if he's willing to cooperate. You would have to be more specific about your wants (maybe even let him read this reply?). In essence, I'm suggesting that he "forces" himself on you. This is very tricky, not suited for everyone, and you must have a code word.

One scenario would be the break in scenario. It's night. You're walking back home from work or whatnot. As you approach the house you take out the key, not noticing someone is lurking in the shadows. The moment the door is unlock you feel a strong hand covering your mouth. Not sure what's going on, you are being pushed inside the house and onto the floor, rather violently. Looking back, you see a guy wearing a mask and dark clothes. He asks for money and your jewelry, getting angry when you don't give him. He drags you to the bedroom, ties you to the bed, and starts undressing you. He tells you that if you don't tell him where the stash is, he's gonna take it out from you....

Again, this erotic fantasy needs to be played very carefully, prefer with an agreed code word. If you want more advice along these lines and think it would help, please don't hesitate to contact me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 04-07-2013 - 2:06pm
Well, good luck. Your "fantasy" is using up a lot of your psychic energy. It seems a waste that you aren't able to put it to use in ways that will help you, and the ones you love, happier. Just one man's opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2013
Fri, 04-05-2013 - 9:01am

Thanks for all the comments and viewpoints so far - I guess its hard to write exactly how i feel, when I dont even understand it myself!

I guess me using the term date rape was a bit strong. Did i want to have sex with the black guy in college?  no.  I even told him "no" several times as he took things farther and farther. I felt so used when he was done, though. He literally climbed off me, pulled his pants back on, and left.  Who knows why I would want to be used by a black guy like that again...Dr Phil - are you out there?   lol

My husband is ultra conservative. A 3some or even the idea of a black dildo would never happen. A few years ago, I mentioned to him about my fantasies about being "forced", and needless to say he was kind of shocked. We did try roleplaying about it, but that just did not work for me at all. It was my husband with me, the man I love  - so it was impossible to pretend he was an agressive black attacker. Plus, my husband is far too nice to be bad....lol.   

I would never seek out an extramarital affair, just to have this desire fulfilled. Maybe thats why I fantasize about it just happening - in the elevator, at the store, alone in a parking lot. ....I dream about just being taken by the black guys I see...being used.  I could never, ever let my husband find out if it did ever happen.

I am sure it will always just remain a fantasy...its just so crazy how my heart races, and I get so flustered when I find myself alone with a black guy out in public.  My mind cant stop thinkng about the  "what if"            

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2013
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 3:38pm

It sounds from your story that you did not actually experience date rape if you were a willing participant. It sounds like you were actually justifying your actions of having sex against the values of how you were brought up. Claiming date rape is unfair to the man whom you are labeling as an abuser. But, I don't know the details. I am using your words "it was kind of exciting. Just to be saying "no" like a good girl should, but saying "yes" secrectly to myself."

The scenarios you are presenting with the real and imaginary black men in your fantasy sound dangerous if you are actually thinking about making the fantasies became a reality with flirting. You might end up subconsciously putting yourself in a situation to make your fantasy come true but having consequences to pay with your marriage, self-respect, or perhaps your life if you truly do put yourself into a rape situation.

I am not judging you or your fantasy here. I have some of my own but I find more pleasure from a mutual sexual pleasure fantasy than a rape fantasy, perhaps because I have been raped. It was not at all as you described it with the "it was kind of exciting. Just to be saying "no" like a good girl should, but saying "yes" secrectly to myself." My rape(s) were far from exciting and I continue to have nightmares and sexual anxiety issues.

Would you and your husband be open to a three-way arrangement and maybe even find a fantasy of his that you can explore without hurting each other by establishing ground rules? Would you be horrified to hear that your husband may have a fantasy of his own that includes or excludes you? If that kind of communication with your husband is completely out of the realm of possibilities, I would contine to keep the fantasies in my mind picturing my husband as my black attacker and not looking for trouble or danger.

I have often heard it said, "be careful what you wish for."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 1:04pm

A fantasy is ok but I think you're looking for affirmation that it's ok to cheat on your husband. The answer is no, not if you truly love and are in love with him. Why not get a dildo or something that would resemble a black man and have your husband use it on you?

Have you and your husband talked about each others fantasies? If not, why not start there.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2008
Mon, 04-01-2013 - 4:01pm

As I don't know the exact facts of what happened, I'm only going by what you've said here. And to that end, to play the devil's advocate...

lisa_in_chi wrote:
 When i was in college, I was date raped by a black guy. I have never told anyone about it, because honestly it was kind of exciting. Just to be saying "no" like a good girl should, but saying "yes" secrectly to myself. 


That's not date rape. And saying so only makes it worse for those of us who have experienced date rape.

lisa_in_chi wrote:
 I was brought up in a very conservative Irish family...so I could never date a black guy here at home.
Again, going by what you said, you were attracted to the guy, but didn't want to disappoint family at home so you said no, but it's not sounding like you really did. 

lisa_in_chi wrote:
 But wow....he has no idea that if he made a move on me, I was his. To this day I wonder what I could have said to let him know "hey - if you force yourself on me, I wont fight back!" 

I was at our library, and I parked in the lower level garage parking. wouldnt you know, but a black guy got in the elevator with me for the short ride up to the main floor. My heart started racing...I so wanted him to press the elevator "stop" button and just take me without even asking. I would have let him.
That's not force.

lisa_in_chi wrote:
 I have self-analyzed myself...lol...and I realize that wanting to be forced would be my way of having extramarital sex, but not have to feel guilty for wanting it. It was forced on me, so there was notthing I could do, right? 
Honestly, it scares me that you're referring to it as date rape because what happens if you go through with your fantasy and your husband finds out—are you going to cry rape?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2012
Sat, 03-30-2013 - 7:39pm

If it is your fantasy and desire to be with another man, let the other man know what you want from him. He will understand if you are ready to pursue something sexually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2013
Sat, 03-30-2013 - 7:18pm

That is powerful and some what mind blowing. I have heard this on many occassions, it is an obsession as well as a fantasy. Hope it just don't turn out to be an addiction.

 

Can always find books to read on such topics.

I love to travel and write. I have several blogs that I try to keep up with in my spare time.