is it ok to fantasize when married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
is it ok to fantasize when married?
22
Thu, 02-28-2008 - 3:30am
is it ok for me to fantasy with a family friend about having sex... etc when i am married all we do it just play out fantasys on the computer he is married and i am too but hes older than me is it ok.. it kinda turns me on just thinking about the fantasys that we come up with i like talkin to him and we both are attracted to each other in a
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 8:00am

So by your recent post it seems like you hubby just doesn't want to play in the fantasy world with you. Then you have to ask yourself: If hubby found out what I am doing, what would happen? and Is what I am doing worth Hubby finding out? I said that because chances are some way some how hubby will find out and then you will have to deal with it. This will be a secret over your shoulder forever. There are so many ways he could find out and God forbid down the road you and the friend have a falling out and he tells your husband, you always run that risk (even though you think it would never happen, it might). Please understand I am not judging you I am just asking you to look at the full picture. I have done the same thing you are doing now but I don't care if my hubby finds out. But that is me. Think long and hard, I would hate for this to ruin your relationship with hubby and then you realize it wasnt' worth it all.


I have to add this because it came to my mind. I understand your hubby isn't giving you what you need. Just because he is not playing in the fantasy world with you, doesnt' mean a person would start up something with someone else. What made you decided to exchange these email with the other man? Much less a close friend? Do you think deep down you are trying to hurt your husband? You must have some sort of attraction or something to start up emailing the friend. You ended your post with "something else??" Many times we can mistake feelings when it is actually just lust. I am not sure if you answered this but is the friend married?


I am going to be blut and give you my opinion, I am sorry if I get this all wrong and know that I am not trying to be mean. ok here goes: I think you and hubby are suffering in the sex life, there maybe issues of hurt going on. (lets face it a woman becomes hurt when she is rejected). You found a man who will talk open with you and the two of you are maybe attracted to eachother on a lust level. This fantasy game gives you pleasure and an out from the real world and you enjoy it. I think you are fooling yourself that hubby will never find out.I would suggest if you want to keep your marriage in tact that you stop the emails because you are risking too much. Also hubby would see it as you are sharing yourself with another man.


I didn't say all that to be hurtful. I was just giving my opinion and in no way am I judging you. Like I said I am far from an angel. I hope you may get some insite and think hard about what you are doing. If it is worth the risk then by all means do what you need to and make yourself happy :)

Photobucket
Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 8:36am

in this situation i would have to agree.


something is missing, and more than likely its communication.

~ Last year I received a kidney transplant from my older brother from another state. I'm glad and thankful the operation as a success. Just don't tell him that now i have 3!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 2:24pm
Unknowing75, It seems by your post you found out your partner was cheating on you? I am sorry about that. I have a long story but dont' want to bore anyone with it. You ask earlier if it added excitement knowing how my hubby would react if he knew, No it doesn't . I dread the day he finds out, I know to put it lightly he will be very angry and maybe violent. If you want some insite into why a women would consider cheating look up the message "I cant believe I am doing this" on True confessions board. It might help explain how desperate a woman has to be to get attention to go out an have an affair. I believe the poster of this message stated that she pretty much felt rejected by her husband since he always had a reason not to have sex with her.
Photobucket
Photobucket 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 3:02pm
Just my two cents but what you're doing isn't called fantasizing it's called cybering or having an emotional affair with another man.
~Angela
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2004
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 3:04pm

"i would tell my hubby about this but he gets really jelious when i talk to other guys about anything sexual"

~Angela
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2008
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 4:24pm

well to answer these questions I do have an attraction to him, well we all play a game together online me my hubby and him and we just started talking to each other and from there just starting giving fantasies ( or cybering that others would call it). look I don't want to hurt my hubby I love him so much but hes just no into anything like that meaning not a lot of verity in the sex area....I think I did this with a close friend is because I know him and do have an attraction to him and he said that he was attracted to

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 4:30pm

I'm no relationship expert, but it seems as if you are rejecting him emotionally because he's not catering to all your physical needs.

~ Last year I received a kidney transplant from my older brother from another state. I'm glad and thankful the operation as a success. Just don't tell him that now i have 3!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2006
Fri, 02-29-2008 - 5:34pm
My turn to throw in two cents... or maybe five.... I used to send e-mails and write fantasies for and about my husband to my husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2004
Sat, 03-01-2008 - 8:32pm

Why cant we tell our spouses,lovers etc these intimate details.Is it a fear of rejection? Or what


Hi male65401:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Sun, 03-02-2008 - 12:42am


resize2.jpg image by Roy5k2009